Comment of the Year Argument

by schmalz

who will take the prize?

 

In years past, we’ve given out end of the year awards, but we’ve found that giving out awards involves paying attention and research and then someone gets bent out of shape and then sends you a restraining order. So this year, we’re not giving out any awards—you are! Very simple put, we are too lazy to give our own awards this year. And we will only give one award this year, the award for comment of the year. Yes, we are eschewing any sort of measurement of athletic achievement to award instead the comments that were inspired by those achievements—or the comments inspired by spite—we’re flexible. So dig away, and the comments must be from this year, Brother Historicus is watching.

 

35 Comments

Anonymous

was the meta-post about a nyvelocity’er and his co-worker from IT analyzing an internet message board fight. i have no idea where it is.

Anonymous

The Rock Racing story though showed the power of nyvelocity. Cyclingnews and velonews had articles about Rock directly because of andy’s story.

schmalz

here’s the referenced molloy post:

if you are in a break you should work, period. usually if you are not working, guys will either stop working and the break is shot (decreasing your own chances) or if you are in a group with some pros, they will take turns taking you off the back until you are shot, then attack you, bridge back to the break and get on with the job at hand.

if you are not going to work in a break, then don’t go with the break, get your team to control the race and ride for the field sprint if you think you are that good a field sprinter. even if you are a sprinter you should roll through and take your pulls in the break as the odds are always better in a group of 5 or 10 than in a field sprint.

what gets me even more is that guys who aren’t good field sprinters won’t even work in a break because they have a sprinter way back in the field. that is a ridiculous excuse given that the odds of winning a field sprint are almost always less advantageous than having a 1 in 5 shot out of a break.

part of the reason that guys get away with riding like idiots around here in breaks is the lack of challenging terrain in the park races. i think kirkwood last weekend was a great example – with 20mph head and cross winds there was not a lot of “sitting on” in the break or the field.

you can learn a ton about race tactics just by watching a bunch of 1 day race videos. don’t watch the tour when everyone is trying to defend bizarre jerseys, but watch the belgian classics. those guys attack, work their tails off for 2 minutes, then look back and try to figure out what is going on. as i’m sure DJ will confirm, if you sit on a break in belgium / france, you are going into the gutter 1st if they are nice, then you are going down – literally you will be taken out.

ever wonder why univest is such a tough race? those freaking euros attack at the gun with 100 miles to go, there is no such thing as tactics until you up by 2 minutes with a group of 3 or 4. i was in 53×13 sprinting out of corners just trying to stay on a wheel with 98 miles to go a few years back when the belgians / boonen showed up and dropped the hammer from the moment the flag dropped.

just ride hard, don’t be afraid to take some risks. after all, there are only about 5 or 6 guys who win the field sprints around here. the other 95 dudes in the spring series race should be on the attack!

Anonymous

Thats the best!

or anything to do with wind tunnel testing, which is 99.99% of the blow(job)hards (DBs) here…
only Austin Powers could possibly say it better…
“Allow myself to introduce…myslef”
“Who does #2 work for?”
“Sorry babe, didn’t know it was your turn!”

Please continue with Borat/Ali G. approach to journalism/entertainment???

schmalz

I would even go ahead and say that “Your an idiot” may be the official catch phrase of the comments section

Anonymous

The comments on this site are actually written by viewers? You must be yanking my chain! I thought the 3 of you got together and made them up as you sniffed a soiled chamois. The iconic/ironic misspellings are real? People would seriously argue not to wear a helmet? The banter about fractional wattage increases is of real concern? WOW what an end to ’08…I always thought this was the Seinfeld of sites…lots of blah blah blah about nothing but very entertaining. Have a Happy New Year. See ya all early tomorrow unless of course you are a vegan.

Anonymous

2009-The year of Solo breakways or get dropped trying!
2009-The year of 12 min laps in CP, 4 min FBF and 6 min PP!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous

Nah, I’d rather stay in bed and have someone warm my balls rather than freeze them off with 2-3 other dudes in 22 degree weather. It’ll be a couple of hours on the trainer for me, post-new year’s day coitus of course.

Happy New Year, Bitches!

Anonymous

Hopeful Friday 9/5/2008

https://nyvelocity.com/content/race-results/2008/hopeful-friday-952008

that was a sweet mini battle royale! never saw that ending coming. awesome.

macho man came out with the p~ssy comment early, and i was confused as well as to whether he was being serious or not. who knew he was just setting up an elaborate bear trap – nice. wheelsucker pounced on the bait first – i sure wasnt touching it – but you gotta hand it to him, macho still played it cool … just hung the “politely” line out there. dangling the bait, keeping it very low key: as if to say ‘genuine question, i swear’ … no sudden movements.

i saw what was going on though … i was shouting at my screen here at the office: “don’t take it, wheelsucka! just let it lie! it’s a trap!!!” a couple of co-workers heard the commotion and came on over to the cubicle.

sure enough, though, wheelsucka took the bait, hook line & sinker … man, he swallowed the whole pole (obligatory “not that there’s anything wrong with that” line here). i was shaking my head here in my cube. “wheelsucka, what were you thinking. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING.” groans all across the floor. my colleagues were in shock. “classic rope-a-dope,” said larry from IT. “macho set him up, let’s watch for the takedown.”

sure enough, not 6 minutes later at 12:31pm macho man delivered the coup de grâce, calling wheelsucka a ‘c~cksucka.’ he actually threw in a little twist at the end, with the c~ckblocka line, for style points. “world class trolling,” said larry. “draw him in, take him down, do it quickly, and make sure you use a curseword.”

my co-workers all ambled off, dismayed. larry went back to trying to figure out why my blackberry locks up every time I accept a calendar invite. we pretty much thought that was it for the day.

but lo and behold, who was beartrapping whom! turns out wheelsucka only played possum for a minute, and came back strong. “LARRY GET OVER HERE!” I shouted. wheelsucka implied macho’s post was unintelligible … seemed to pay him a small compliment (pulling a rope-a-dope on a rope-a-doper!! … genius!). then dropped the bomb on him:

“Have fun not winning as a bitter 4, anyhow.”

the whole floor went nuts. larry almost wet himself. i heard a couple of other offices in mid-town hootin and hollerin. no one saw that ending coming, I gtee you. epic battle … game/set/match wheelsucka. whole office is heading down to TGIFriday’s on 46th & broadway at 4 to celebrate if anyone wants to join.

Anonymous

Team Tactics Argument
Wed, 2008-02-27 13:33
https://nyvelocity.com/content/features/2008/team-tactics-argument

For those NYVelocity acolytes faithfully paying attenion, we are now approaching the climax one of the longest-held grudges in NYVelocity history, a fearsome battle between an immovable object and an irresitible force.

And I’m not talking about JFT getting the rent money JP owes him. Or JFT getting respect and satisfaction in a helmet discussion. Or getting Cranky to stop hitting JFT with spitballs and giving him noogies, although those are all worthy grudges, and I hope to see them rectified soon. Wait, where was I?

Right. Back in ought-seven, must’ve been around September-time, when the harvest festivals had begun and we were all going to reap what we’d sowed during the season, when without warning down from the Great White North (defined as somewhere above 177th St) came the thundering hooves (or claws, or paws, or pads, I can’t really be sure being somewhat of a city boy … I saw some animal run across the road the other night in Central Park actually, and damn! if I didn’t bail out then and there, offer him my ride and run for the hills, I swear to heaven above that I think it was a wolverine that mated in a 3-way with a beaver and porcupine. Have you seen these things scurrying across the road? Seriously, what the hell are they?) … anyway, came the thundering fore-limbs of a magnificent, taunting, fairly honest, relatively knowledgable, cynical but in a lighted-hearted kind-of-way beast of a Moose. Yes, the thundering fore-limbs of a Moose let loose in Manhattan to taunt all lowly park-dwellers – the nefarious Bullwinkle:

https://www.nyvelocity.com/article.aspx?ID=1705&CID=2

Now, for those without the appropriate schooling and dedication to famous NYVelocity feuds, or just too lazy to read, allow me to paraphrase. Bullwinkle said Mr Albergotti could sprint like a mutha but otherwise was a fat-@ssed baboon that couldn’t climb a dungheap even if there was nekkid ladies on it offering free donuts and happy endings for all.

Then Buttermilk Jones hopped onto the great beast, and they rode off into the sunset, not to be heard from again.

Our young scrivener, having been thusly taunted in public, penned off the now infamous love-letter to the G-d’s of Cyclingnews (“The World Centre of Cycling” … those damn Brits just had to write “Centre” to infuriate me with their rarified, Anglican orthography, the bastards), anyway Reed supplicated himself before them and beseeched their help:

http://www.cyclingnews.com/fitness/?id=2007/letters09-11#2

And here we are in April 2008. The snow is melting, the rivers once again swell with mountain run-off and the forsythia bloometh profuthley in Central Park. Mr Albergotti now looks like Christian Bale in the Machinist and the Christmas hams that once passed for his buttocks have been burned as fuel throughout his winter of discontent.

So I call on you, Mr Buttermilk Jones, to ride that Moose back onto the isle of Manhattan and let him stand to account for his words. Step up, Bullwinkle. The day of reckoning is close. You have taunted Mr Albergotti, and come Saturday, April 19, 2008, one of you will be proved wrong.

Also, if anyone sees one of those creatures (platypus? obese mole?) rocking a Cannondale CAAD6 just tell him to keep it.

Anonymous

Not that Mengoni Argument (?)
https://nyvelocity.com/content/features/2008/not-mengoni-argument#comment-42548

Please have some respect – we are still celebrating Memorial Day. Just take a moment and think about that. There are more important issues than idiotic, anonymous name-calling. Does anyone remember who called whom what name on some irrelevant post a year ago? No one is really paying attention and chronicling all this for posterity, folks. Let’s maintain perspective.

28 May. A day to honor those who sacrificed on our behalf. Forget the negativity. Whoever wants to participate constructively in this community, and celebrate Memorial Day with others of a similar mind, please join us for our 3rd Annual Civil War Re-enactment Trip. The bus leaves Grant’s Tome at 5:45 am on Sunday, and registration will be up on racelistings.com at 12 noon today.

Same as years past, we divide into two armies – grey on one side, and blue/orange/black on the other – and travel north to Syracuse, to a “64-mile course consisting of two 31-mile laps and a slight turn-off leading to a steep but somewhat short uphill finish.” Scene of the original, and now infamous, battle – 28 May 2005, NY State Cat 4/5 Inter-Galactic Championships of the Free World – which spawned the NYVeloCivil War of I which I type (or the War of Skyline Aggression, depending on your point of view.)

We will divide into two fields – Cat 4/5, and Masters, and let a break get up the road from each group. And then they’ll mix. And then we’ll mix. Anarchy will ensure. We will then all TT to private residences in Syracuse, commandeer their computers, and begin attacking each other (textually, with snarky posts that is, and wearing helmets just to be on the safe side) on a NYVeloCity thread specifically designated for the event. (Thanks to Messrs. Shen, Ostroy, and Schmalz for their support, as always.) Be sure to start reading that rulebook tonight!

I will play the part of General Steve Rosenblum, and lead the faux-Skyliners in the blue/orange/black. Todd the Father will lead the anonymous hordes. Cap’n Ed will choreograph and oversee all battle re-enactments. VSP will be on-hand as scribe. Uccisore Abejorro will be providing complimentary espressi for all re-enactors. Toni will most likely be behind the bathrooms at the Song Mountain Ski Resort, smoking the chronic. (Keep your womenfolk away from him; after last year’s Harlem race he had the lecherous audacity to tell my mother that “something had gotten real stiff after his race and he could use a warm hand to rub it out for him.” And she did! But I digress.)

Amateur historiographers can see the entire, gripping first-hand account of the NYVeloCivil War here: http://www.velocitynation.com/article.aspx?ID=285&CID=53 (Read carefully, and you will find – oh man, I get chickenskin just thinking about it! – what I have independently verified to be Almighty Todd’s first post, under the pseudonym “Non-Skyliner-er.”)

A condensed summary with helpful historical context can be found here: https://www.nyvelocity.com/article.aspx?ID=1516&CID=2 (Search ‘classic nyvelocity posts’.)

Never forget the 28th of May, my friends. To this day, you can still find dazed and wounded veterans typing their way out of threads long thought to be dormant. Like Japanese soldiers marooned on some desert isle, unknowing of Emperor Hirohito’s unconditional surrender and the disbanding of the Japanese Military 60 years hence, they come out of old threads and into the daylight unaware that we live in relatively peaceful times. Pale, skinny, malnourished, weak, with sallow eyes and exposed ribcages – pretty much like any other racing cyclist, actually. I guess that’s why we don’t notice them so much.

Anonymous

Where’s the original VSP post?

Hangover 3/24/08
https://nyvelocity.com/content/race-results/2008/hangover-32408

Ah, yet another fine display from Mr Guerra. This next salute again shows the struggle, sheer effort, and pain that form the very foundation of his victories. A fitting addition to his impressive (and growing) oeuvre. Does this win appear to be handed to him on a silver platter? I think not. To paraphrase one of my all-time favorite disco divas (and surely yours), he works hard for his money – so hard for it honey. (“Donna Summers (Male Remix)”?)

Remember that after mesmerizing us with the “Humans Are Dead,” he was subject to ill-willed commentary from assorted ragamuffins and rapscallions on this very site; disgraceful commentary, the anonymous slandered themselves with such poisonous banter. And while he endured these anonymous, cowardly slights like a true stoic in public, one should not imagine that Mr Guerra is carved from stone. He is not impervious, impenetrable, inaccessible; while he can shrug off the occasional slight, certainly he must bear the collected burden in some fashion. “No man is an island, entire of itself.” Now, I am not going so far as to suggest that Mr Guerra is the sensitive type, but surely he bears the weight of these accumulated taunts across his broad trapezii.

So his return this week was much anticipated; and he came through with a classical salute, slyly alluding to ancient Greek mythology in the process. Fantastic! (No doubt that with this salute, Mr Guerra was also attempting to remind us all that the word “virtue” derives from the Latin “vir,” meaning man. Well played, Sir.) In the picture, note Mr Guerra’s upturned arms in an arc, forming the bottom of a circle. This is no coincidence, dear readers, for clearly he bears the weight of the entire world – heaven and earth – on his shoulders, and yet still succeeds. Not since Lee Oscar Lawrie’s colossal bronze has Manhattan being graced with such a fitting allusion to the great Titan. This salute, obviously, is:

“Atlas Shrugged”

(Lee Oscar Lawrie’s contribution, for those in need of the refresher course: http://flickr.com/photos/wallyg/2091232914/in/pool-21313476@N00)

Anonymous

I’ll admit I always had a soft spot for Toni; this was a very minor piece from him, but nice nonetheless:

Tony Pechenik
https://nyvelocity.com/node/2190

‘This is a funny thread. The hospital joke was great.

As I was reading the interview, I knew it was going to get flamed. This won’t encourage other teams do interviews. I am too afraid to use my real name on this simple post because I don’t want to get ripped for a spelling mistake by some guy who doesnt use his name and then sees me at races and thinks to himself “that guy is such an idiot, he used there instead of their” or “he thinks except is the same as accept… I hate him”. I just can’t take the risk.’

* meant to write “too”

Anonymous

Katusha is going to collapse. If Tchmil doesn’t have the cojones to call Vlad to the Karpets(s) for that horrific hair don’t, how will he gather enough strength to separate the Scarlet Pimpernel from Big Geert when Scarlet wants to be queen for the day?

Gossip Girl

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