Finally in yellow, Schmalz puts the moves on the wrong blonde, damning him to a future as a barbecue cookoff commentator.

‘They’re whose kids? Who’s he?’

Stage 21

July 24, Almost got up for the Club race this morning, but the wife isn’t ready for the full family morning assault yet.

Here’s another reason why Americans don’t get the Tour:

“So, the last day is tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“So Lance will really have to finish strong, is he worried?”

“Well, the last stage is largely ceremonial.”

“It doesn’t count?”

“No, it counts, but the race is usually wrapped by then.”

“So, it doesn’t matter if he wins?”

“Well, no.”

“Oh.”

We roll off and we are into the photo ops section of the race. Lance with Razzy, Lance with Thor. THOR WILL SMASH!

Lance goes to the front with Jan they chat and share one of the most effeminate handshakes ever.

Look seven fingers!

Nice shot of about 10 guys pulling over to take a leak,

Jan pulls back and Vino comes up to get some of that girly handshake action. Vino points to his head and asks Lance, “Can you believe the size of my melon?”

Voeckler goes to the back of the pack for his obligatory camera shot.

I would love it if Salvatore (the camera loves me) Commesso came up to Lance and started chatting to get some TV time and Lance gave him the “Who the hell are you?” look.

There’s a Disco photo shoot at the back of the group, they have to do it over because George’s make up isn’t just right.

Lance goes to Liberty’s team car and Saiz tells his team to attack.

Lance with Chavanel, telling him to switch counties.

It’s a rainy day, but Commesso has the sleeves rolled up anyway to keeps the “guns” out.

Ludewig HR shows that he is barely photosynthesizing.

There’s a crash. That must be brutal as they are going upwards of 14 mph.

FINALLY! A little Commesso, give the people what they want!

A giddy Moreau says he’s “singing in the rain” – he is over the moon with his eleventh place on GC – mission accomplished, Chistophe!

At the front, an animated Commesso tells the Domina boys that the party is at his suite tonight, and that they should bring a covered dish.

Commesso will have to be dragged kicking from the front as he has done his hair today and doesn’t want to waste it.

Another 110k of this wet, rolling parade lap is going to crack me.

Salvatore is hanging near Lance. The Toto show is in full effect. All Commesso, all the time.

I cannot watch any more of Commesso riding into the camera shots; I have to Tivo to the Champs stuff.

Vino goes for the sprint for the time bonus, Levi and team have to chase and cannot come around. Vino may move up a place. He drops back to his team and thanks them for their support.

According to the organizers, if it’s raining as they enter Paris, Moreau wins the race.

George slides out on a painted line and Popo goes down too. Lance fishtails into them and looks for a soft teammate to land on. That was the closest Lance came to losing the Tour this year.

Commesso picks up make-up from the team car and is chasing the camera.

As they get to Paris, let me type this in now, Duomoulin crashes.

Lance can’t shake Commesso, he tries to convince Flecha to attack to get Sal off his ass.

Razzy’s bike breaks – setting a new record.

Everyone in the race would like to thank Skoda heartily for painting their logo right in the hairpin turn,

Here’s the first hopeless break attempt. Oh, look Voeckler is in the mix. France no longer returns his calls.

Bodies are flying and no one currently has any idea what the hell is going on.

The mullet comes to the front of the race for a parade lap.

The wet conditions are the only interesting part of this race.

A group of 7-8 at the front, the most famous of which is Knaven, that’s your answer right there as to their chances.

Horner takes a shot with an anonymous Quick Step dude. They get a gap and are holding it. Chances of their making it look to be “not bloody likely.”

Thor is near the front. THOR WILL SMASH!

I will miss watching Commesso suck wheel when the Tour’s over.

Horner keeps dangling.

Looks like we’ll get an argy-bargy finish. Look for Robbie to whip his head about like a Motorhead roadie.

There’s still time for Cadel to break that collarbone.

Vasseur pumps France’s leg one last time.

With the full support of his team, Vino jumps.

McGee gives a dynamite lead out, and Vino comes around; robbing Thor of victory, but Thor gets the green. THOR WILL SMASH!

The officials play whack-a-mole with the time bonus for a while, and Vino doesn’t get the time bonus.

Oh, and Lance wins.

That’s a wrap.

THOR WILL SMASH!

Now, what the Hell do I do?