Not content with tearing his tormentor’s legs off, Thor goes for the business end.
THOR WILL SMASH!
Stage 13
July 14, 2005 Last night was the first “baby night.†Claire was up from 12am – 4am, not really upset or anything too dramatic, just awake.
90-ish K to go, Tommy (the last hope of France) Voeckler is in a break with Chris (I’ve adjusted my expectations) Horner and Flecha is there. He must’ve attacked when Commesso was taking a dump, because Sal has been taped to his ass all Tour long.
Valverde is abandoning, right now he’s doing the Iban Mayo ride of shame. I’m sure he’ll cherish having the footage of him slowly riding up to the team car.
Lampre is chasing, Salvatore doesn’t want to lose his 120th place in the GC.
They just asked why Saunier can wear yellow jerseys in the Tour, and the answer is simple, LeBlanc never expected them to be near the front.
Today is a classic “transfer†stage, the organizers throw in some flat stages between the mountain stages to give French riders a chance. Funny how they always fall on Bastille Day?
Lotto is chasing the break also, working for a sprint for McEwen. Cadel Evans comes to terms with his place in the world.
I wonder if Thor’s mom is still at the Tour cooking for him. THOR WILL SMASH! I heard the other day that he had stomach problems, c’mon Ma Hushovd, no more fish!
From Thor-Hushovd.com:
“From Scandinavian viking mythology, Thor was the thunder God. With the hammer blow, he created the lightening flash. Thor, pronounced “tour†like the race has twice brought lightening to the Tour de France. In 2001, his first participation, he was one of the strongest members of the winning Crédit Agricole team in the team time trial. In 2002, three weeks after nearly abandoning under the spotlight of tv cameras suffering with cramps, he returned with his full explosive strength to defeat Christophe Mengin by millimeters with only two days to go.â€
And yes, they continue the Viking metaphors throughout the entire site. Thor-hushovd.com – come for the hyperbole, stay for the modesty.
Tom (I’m stalked like Lady Di) Voeckler is still in the break; France chills the champagne in anticipation, and draws TLA hearts on her binder.
The lead is coming down, France calls her friend and wonders why McEwen is such a jerk, why can’t he let Tommy win?
Today’s dead boring breakaway chase brought to you by Sominex.
Paul Sherwin just read us his shopping list.
France just went to the Davitimon site and posted a thread calling them all “doodie-heads†on their message board. She feels a little better.
We have some competition for Thor in the “best name†categorization; Maxim Iglinski is coming on strong! THOR WILL SMASH!
Flecha has taken the lead in the “why the hell do I always get chased?†jersey competition.
Cadel Evans is in on the chase for Lotto. Enjoy your day in the mountains tomorrow, Cadel.
A quote from Razzy on Procycling.com:
“Lance Armstrong is not invincible. I’m certain he can be beaten, and I believe that I can be the one to beat him.†Michael Rasmussen
Hold on there, super fly, we still have a 55K ITT to go. I’m going to file that under “Simoni.â€
Voeckler’s group is about to be caught, France pretends to not care, but you know she does.
Triki Beltran had to abandon the race yesterday, that’s ok because he was suspiciously reluctant at the nightly Trek sing-alongs.
The break is dangling a bit off the front at 54 seconds, France promises herself she won’t fall for this again.
Here come the hopeless attacks, Knaven is the volunteer this time. He’s borrowed Voigt’s saddlebag thingy.
Lotto is still chasing Evans has to join in, one of the Lotto guys gets hit with a thunder stick. I can still hear Cadel’s collarbone ticking.
Disco is at the front to fulfill sponsor obligations apparently.
Chavanel jumps to make it look like he’s trying. He gets to the break and everyone looks annoyed.
Horner wags his elbow and everyone pretends to not speak English.
Giving it the old college try, everyone takes a turn attacking the break, but it’s Chavanel getting away.
Horner bridges to Chavanel because he’s sick of towing Euros.
France likes Chavanel, but he’s not as dreamy as Voeckler.
Does Horner remember how to say “bite me†in French from his days at FDJ?
Horner and Chavanel are putting time into the pack as Commesso jumps off the front. I knew he couldn’t resist tailing Flecha. I expect Flecha to body check Sal as he comes by.
Commesso is back home on Flecha’s ass, as the pack catches them. Bravo, Salvatore!
The math says Horner won’t make it at 6k with 26 seconds. But math is for suckers.
Lampre chased to set up Sal to jump to Flecha, um, and then Sal really didn’t have a plan after that really. Sal has earned his dessert tonight!
Maybe Disco will throw Horner a bone and not catch him. Has Horner ever pissed Lance off? It’s hard to keep track.
This will be a fun finish. C’mon Horner, drop that poodle walker!
Maybe Dumoulin can crash and hold things up.
Horner is playing it right in second place on Chavanel.
They get caught with 200 meters to go, thanks for coming Chris enjoy 10th place, but no podium kisses for you though.
Freddy Rodriguez doesn’t outsprint Robbie and avoids a fistfight at the dinner table tonight.
Stuey think Robbie was squirrelly in the finish, but he isn’t squirrelly enough for the French to do anything about it.
Thor is there in fifth and keeps the Green. THOR WILL SMASH!
The podium girls have to bend down to kiss Robbie on the top step.
sheesh
thank god for shmalz, the tour would merely be a moderately interesting sideshow without this commentary. All this and a new baby too!
Anybody want to buy a “Thor will smash!” T-shirt?
Hey Schmaltz, too bad you missed this, from NY Times:
“Horner did have one complaint. He accused a member of the breakaway, Carlos da Cruz, a Frenchman with fdj.com, of not having done his share of work after the group’s lead reached a maximum of 9:20.
While that should have assured that the pursuing pack, led by McEwen’s team to set up the sprint, would not usually have caught the five fugitives, their lead dropped steadily.
Da Cruz, Horner charged, deliberately slowed the pace, although why he would do that was another mystery.
In anger, when the Frenchman tried to speed off alone with 20 kilometers to go, Horner threw a water bottle at him.
A judge noticed that infraction and Horner was fined 200 Swiss francs, or $154 and change.”
You gotta like Horner’s moxie mixing it up with Da Cruz, I have to wonder why he wouldn’t work?
I usually get my pissy quotes from procycling.com, they have great tabloidy-type stuff, love those Brits!
The guy I really feel for is Flecha, he’s been pulling around all sorts of clowns. Most notably, Salvatore (where’s the chicks?) Commesso.
Horner played a good hand. Loved the post intvw. with Frankie. Horner doesnt mince words on the days move either, notably Chavanel rookie attempt to try and snap the line with 6k to go, after a massive effort to bridge. He’s basically out-thinking his competitors up the leader board with each stage. He’ll sit back for day 1 pyrenees. Day 2 will see’em inside the top 20!
It looked like Horner and Chavenel were playing games, half-pedalling in the final minute of racing. If they had just raced in all-out side by side, ONE of them would’ve won. That was almost not caught. Sheesh, nothing wrong with a second place in a TdF stage!
schmalz, i hope you’re watching right now–your favorite fatboy is off the front…
new drug free era?
we wish…
Top five are all still in serious doping programs (stage or gc, your pick)
The fighting cock.
The first line on the cyclingnews results initially began “Michael “The Chicken” Rasmussen showed his fighting cock ways today…” Since changed, sadly, since it does seem to capture his personality.
Economicaler as one word.
So Razzy catches Valverde, stays upright, and stays in yellow; who’d a thunk that would happen. Think Vino will attack today? And isn’t this so much better than the Lance era?
God bless your crooked little heart.
I get the sense that with the new drug free era, anyone can and generally has collapsed on any day, except Razzy. I smell a string of Razzy positives to follow in the week after the tour finishes. No way the Chicken rides at the front of the bunch on flat stages and dominates rivals in the TT (not to mention toying with them on Sunday’s stage, which I saw before reading this).