Yesterday the little Gallic engine that could, Tommy Voeckler, most famous for doggedly hanging onto the yellow jersey in 2004 and for riding with facial expressions that mimic the look one would have if they were passing gravel through their colon, beat the British express train known as Mark Cavendish. France is victorious over England! That’s a headline that’s been in mothballs since about 1813.

Preview
Stage 1
Stage 2
Stage 3
Stage 4
Stage 5

Saxo Bank also tried to split the race in the crosswind yesterday, a la Columbia, but they weren’t as successful. I would assume the tongue lashing meted at dinner out after Stage 2 made riders aware of the fact that there is a thing called wind, and it can make bike racing hard.

Robert Gesink also dropped out after yesterday’s stage with a broken wrist, saving Menchov the humiliation of yet another skinny climber teammate taking the team leadership away from him. There’s also a piece on Cyclingnews about how frustrated Columbia Director Rolf Aldag was by the reluctance of other teams to help in the chase near the end of yesterday’s stage, even Columbia only sent two guys to the front of the race to chase. Here’s Rolf’s take on it:

"Six guys were in the lead, from five different teams, so there were 15 teams behind, so logically there should have been 15 teams interested in reeling them in again," said Aldag. "You can only win a bike race if you’re in front, and not at the back."

So let me get this straight, Columbia goes to the front a few days ago, blows the race apart, wins the stage and complains afterwards. Yesterday they refuse to send all of their guys to the front, they don’t win the stage, and they complain afterwards. What exactly is going to make these guys happy?

I find the situation to be hilarious. You have a team (Columbia) with a sprinter so dominant, he could stage the third act of a Kabuki play, do a costume change (a la Cher) and still finish about ten bike lengths of everybody else at the finish. He has a chance of winning every sprint stage in the Tour. He won the pack sprint yesterday. In this situation, you do whatever you can to get him to the line in the group; because this is the Tour and stage wins are gold. You also never know what could happen from day to day: crashes, mechanical mishaps, Bert Grabsch riding hills – it’s a crap shoot. To kvetch about not getting enough help from other teams (although I find it delightfully cat 4-ish), is simply preposterous. Somewhere Giovanni Lombardi is spitting at the dirt in disgust.

And don’t forget starting tomorrow, I will be absent from the TdS. I will be relying on the collected anonymous wisdom of the internet to do my work for me. We will be posting a page where you can share your wisdom, and you will find out just how easy it is to be me.

Today’s stage

Today’s stage isn’t a hilly stage but it has an uphill finish, so this may not be a Cavendish day. And it’s wet out, so there will be a lot of slips and falls. Uphill finishes are Oscar Freire’s territory, although Kim Kirchen does well uphill also – assuming he’s not required to drag Cav to the finish.

It’s raining out, the Spanish riders are all shaking like a custom van in a parking lot at a Zeppelin show – feebly and breifly – I’m referencing a reunion Zeppelin Tour.

96k to go, there’s three guys out front at 2:35. Chavanel and Millar are there. Millar is sitting at 10th overall at 1:07, I’m not sure he’s far enough back on GC for this trio to not get chased furiously.

Jesus, even the VS cartoons are remedial in their storytelling. Hmm, a pro-cycling based cartoon, interesting… And it’s a Bob Roll story? And what’s a Bob Roll story like? Is it an epic poem about removing the seeds?

Another crash – it involves a Spaniard. I’ll just paste that phrase into my clipboard.

Millar is away in a French sandwich with Auge and Chavanel. Can he get revenge for Britain?

Astana goes to the front on the descent, to increase the speed and increase the chances that Contador ends up sprawled over the pavement.

Auge pops out to get the polka dot jersey points – looks like someone has a crush on the Carrefour girls!

74k to go, Astana out front, break at 1:35. Lance is sitting on Alberto, telling him his shoe is untied.

Txurruka is trying to get up to the break, and I look forward to the high comedy that will be Bob Roll trying to pronounce that name this evening.

Word has it menu-based song writer Jimmy Buffet is in the Astana team car. The Parrot meets the Hog?

Txurruka has reached the break, there are four of them now. And doesn’t Txurruka’s name look like the cartoon sound that would be drawn in a big cartoon burst if the Batmobile ran over a porta-john?

Cadel had a flat and is being towed by his teammates into 106th place.

57k to go, Rabobank is chasing for Freire – are you happy now, Columbia?

54k to go, the break’s lead is holding at 1:36.

Here’s a montage of interview of riders getting asked about Lance coming back – they all say nice things and maintain their ability to follow his Tweets about when the French ask for his pee pee.

49k to go, I imagine that the pack is not working so hard as Voeckler is smiling and not grimacing like he’s moving a cheese barge down his digestive track.
38 k to go, we’re going to get to the climb and that’s where things will get interesting.

They show a shot of what be the most phallic tower I’ve ever seen, speaking of phallic stuff, Lance is still holding at 96 on the phallometer. That seems odd. Or maybe it means I haven’t been paying attention.

33k to go, Cervelo is working at the front today, probably for Haussler – sorry Thor SMASH – the uphill finish is not so good for the SMASHing.

The rain seems to be abating, sparing us the sight of more scabby Spaniards.

29 k to go, oops – I spoke too soon, the rain is coming back. And right on cue riders hit the deck on a roundabout. Farrar, spends a moment over the guardrail, but seems OK, Haussler hits the deck also, Rogers looks like he’s hit the road hard. Looks like Thor’s SMASH prospects just went up.

Millar attacks the break, which seems like a better idea than towing around a few gasping Frenchmen. His move looks a little hopeless, but in the rain you never know – there are a lot of Spaniards left in the race.

25k to go, the Frenchmen from the break are caught, Millar still ahead of the pack by a minute.

22k to go, Millar hits the summit with about 48 seconds on the pack, let’s see how he does on the descent in the rain. His chances to win might come down to his ability to take chances on the descent, and the ability of the Spanish guys to fall over and clog the roads.

17 k to go and we have a good old fashioned pursuit between Millar and Asana. Millar has 49 seconds but Astana has awareness on their side.

16 k to go, there’s a Cofidis guy working his way up to what remains of Txurruka. They can now conspire to ride themselves back into the pack.

This would be a great ride if Millar can stay away, he’s virtual yellow right now at 1:06, but I doubt he’ll hold that time if he makes it to the line.

14 k to go. C’mon Millar!

Let’s see where Millar sits on the Lance vengeance rainbow, hmm, he’s almost an "indigo". That’s enough to lose a phallometer point, I’d say it’s at 95 now.

11k to go, Millar has 1:11, it will be very close as the finish is uphill.

10k to go, Milram’s at the front of the race, and if their TTT showed us anything, then that’s a great sign for Millar.

C’mon Millar!

8k to go, there’s a crash, not sure if it’s Spanish-based. A Rabobank guy gets up and spits out what appears to be a tooth.

Millar has 45 seconds and there’s another crash, Boonen goes down.

Millar’s best teammates today are diesel fuel and raindrops.

Coming up to 5k to go, MIllar has 37 seconds, it’s going to be tighter than corduroys on a tuba player.

MIllar has something taped to the back of his helmet – is that an Allen Lim tracking device?

3.6k, C’mon Millar!

Here comes the hill, Millar’s down to 20 seconds! Damn! Let’s get Euskaltel to the front shall we?

Ugh, the pack’s closing on Millar like a DMV on Columbus Day.

Crap! Millar’s caught!

Thor SMASH still hanging in there. Uphill no less!

The anti_SMASH Freire is right there also.

Look at that!!!!

SSSSSSSSSSSSSMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSHHHHH!!!!!

Did Thor just win an uphill finish? Are you kidding me? I’m swooning right now.