Guest Hater Aaron ‘Hungry’ Wolfe

Fresh Organic Hate

At the Capital Region Road Race my homemade energy bar was put to the test. Unfamiliar with the course on the first lap, I’d just pulled one out of my jersey and started chomping when we made a fast descent into a hard right turn and up at 15% wall. The bar went from pocket to mouth to hoods to between the teeth like a bullet, and passed the structural integrity test while absorbing flying saliva and sweat.

@##=#<1,L>@##=#I wish I could have given Nutra-Fig’s Cheetah bars that test. As a Fig Newton lover, I was interested to try them after noticing their blinking ad on cyclingnews.com. Foolishly, Keith of Nutra-Fig sent me a double complement of bars to try. That’s six, plus a pair of socks, a value of about $10 plus shipping. OK, it’s not Zipp 404s for the season, but I’ll take it.

Fig Newtons are too fragile, my bars are basically sweetened hard tack, Clif bars are $2 each, Powerbars are inedible, and Balance Bars–my favorite–are too much like candy and too dangerous to keep in the house.

To make a fig bar sturdy enough, Nutra-Fig blends up the figs with the other ingredients: oats, soy, rice and barley. Sweetness comes from cane juice, figs and glycerin. The bar is completely organic, and comes in lemon, strawberry and peach apricot flavors.

To simulate my test, I put the bar in its Mylar package in my jersey and set out for some hard intervals in the hot sun. Barely able to pedal after the workout, I managed to open the package easily with my teeth and one hand. I tried riding over some bumps with the bar in my mouth, on the hoods and in my hand with no problem. I put it into my jersey pocket unwrapped and it mostly stayed together when it came out. It passed the structural test.

Strawberry was my favorite. With the figs blended into the oats, there is not a strong fig flavor, but it is there. Generally, the flavor leaves the impression that you’re eating something healthy, without a strong flavor from any one of the grains or soy.

Time for Hate
I like a crunchy or chewier bar so I feel like I’m eating something substantial. The Cheetah bars are pretty soft, but there is a touch of crunch from crisp rice and the little fig seeds or whatever those seed-like things in figs are.

Where does that leave us?
At 75 cents each, they’re a great value at 220 calories per bar. Probably the cheapest 100% organic calories you can buy. But, for now, Cheetah Bars are only available online at www.cheetahbar.com You can also read the full Nutra-fig story and find the nutritional data.

More Hate
@##=#<3,R>@##=#Some like chocolate, some like plain. Clif Shot’s Mocha with Caffeine flavor (anti-environment at only 90% organic) is very chocolaty. Many people find the flavor of chocolate to be refreshing and invigorating, good things in a race or during a long ride. I found that as a conscientious and law-abiding person, if not careful to fold the open end of the empty gel back on itself several times before not tossing it on the road, I would eventually get a nasty brown stain oozing out the bottom of my jersey pocket. Stain, as in my jersey is no longer a white-to-blue fade.

GU’s new Just Plain gel has no such problem. About 5 years late to the clear craze, these are so plain you barely know you’re eating anything. Very easy to eat, with just a hint of vanilla or malt.

Time for Love
My Cheetah Bar socks are too big, and I don’t look good in purple and yellow. Guess how many watts average in the last minute of a CRCA B/C race with Met finish it takes to get 3rd place (for someone between 140 and 150, let’s say), and they’re yours, size 10-13. Did Schmalz ever give away any of his swag? I didn’t think so.