Hate Volume 13

Section head text.

Guest Hater Aaron ‘Hungry’ Wolfe

Fresh Organic Hate

At the Capital Region Road Race my homemade energy bar was put to the test. Unfamiliar with the course on the first lap, I’d just pulled one out of my jersey and started chomping when we made a fast descent into a hard right turn and up at 15% wall. The bar went from pocket to mouth to hoods to between the teeth like a bullet, and passed the structural integrity test while absorbing flying saliva and sweat.

@##=#<1,L>@##=#I wish I could have given Nutra-Fig’s Cheetah bars that test. As a Fig Newton lover, I was interested to try them after noticing their blinking ad on cyclingnews.com. Foolishly, Keith of Nutra-Fig sent me a double complement of bars to try. That’s six, plus a pair of socks, a value of about $10 plus shipping. OK, it’s not Zipp 404s for the season, but I’ll take it.

Fig Newtons are too fragile, my bars are basically sweetened hard tack, Clif bars are $2 each, Powerbars are inedible, and Balance Bars–my favorite–are too much like candy and too dangerous to keep in the house.

To make a fig bar sturdy enough, Nutra-Fig blends up the figs with the other ingredients: oats, soy, rice and barley. Sweetness comes from cane juice, figs and glycerin. The bar is completely organic, and comes in lemon, strawberry and peach apricot flavors.

To simulate my test, I put the bar in its Mylar package in my jersey and set out for some hard intervals in the hot sun. Barely able to pedal after the workout, I managed to open the package easily with my teeth and one hand. I tried riding over some bumps with the bar in my mouth, on the hoods and in my hand with no problem. I put it into my jersey pocket unwrapped and it mostly stayed together when it came out. It passed the structural test.

Strawberry was my favorite. With the figs blended into the oats, there is not a strong fig flavor, but it is there. Generally, the flavor leaves the impression that you’re eating something healthy, without a strong flavor from any one of the grains or soy.

Time for Hate
I like a crunchy or chewier bar so I feel like I’m eating something substantial. The Cheetah bars are pretty soft, but there is a touch of crunch from crisp rice and the little fig seeds or whatever those seed-like things in figs are.

Where does that leave us?
At 75 cents each, they’re a great value at 220 calories per bar. Probably the cheapest 100% organic calories you can buy. But, for now, Cheetah Bars are only available online at www.cheetahbar.com You can also read the full Nutra-fig story and find the nutritional data.

More Hate
@##=#<3,R>@##=#Some like chocolate, some like plain. Clif Shot’s Mocha with Caffeine flavor (anti-environment at only 90% organic) is very chocolaty. Many people find the flavor of chocolate to be refreshing and invigorating, good things in a race or during a long ride. I found that as a conscientious and law-abiding person, if not careful to fold the open end of the empty gel back on itself several times before not tossing it on the road, I would eventually get a nasty brown stain oozing out the bottom of my jersey pocket. Stain, as in my jersey is no longer a white-to-blue fade.

GU’s new Just Plain gel has no such problem. About 5 years late to the clear craze, these are so plain you barely know you’re eating anything. Very easy to eat, with just a hint of vanilla or malt.

Time for Love
My Cheetah Bar socks are too big, and I don’t look good in purple and yellow. Guess how many watts average in the last minute of a CRCA B/C race with Met finish it takes to get 3rd place (for someone between 140 and 150, let’s say), and they’re yours, size 10-13. Did Schmalz ever give away any of his swag? I didn’t think so.

25 Comments

Chris M

Nice writeup Aaron! thanks – Ill def try the bars – they sound pretty good to me, esp vs. the choke-worthy Ciff Bars that Im eager to replace – Ive been using Balance bars pq they go down easier when riding tempo.
Im gonna say 550 W last 1 min…assuming you did actually sprint for 1,000 W for at least 10-15 secs…

Chris M

Niko, doesnt eating a Cliff Bar after some time on the bike kinda feel like a chore? Feels like a piece of bark to me with some flavor…Yum!

Clif Fan

Oatmeal and Raisin for breakfast
Black Cherry for lunch
Something from the CLif "variety pak" for dinner and….
Cookies and Cream for desert. MMMMMMMMMMMMM!!

addicted to clif bars

as snacks during the day, but during races gels only. during long training rides clif bar or or a banana does the trick.

Aaron

Within 5 watts gets it. Chris, I haven’t hit 1,000 watts since Feb, as far as I know. I don’t race with the tap very often.

Ugly

To prevent the poo-like jersey stain, I put the empty Goo packets in the leg elastic of my bibs on the hamstring side. Most kits have dark fabric here so stains aren’t an issue.

In somewhat-related realty TV news:
http://tinyurl.com/ok4qy

Anonymous

dudes, the solar system just lost a planet and all you can talk about is gu vs. clif????

wtfffff!!!!?????

or perhaps I am just dehydrated from my morning intervals… dunno. will get back to you after lunch.

Chris M

Hmm. Guess as a non power tap sort of rider, my wild ass guess is likely on the high side. Maybe more like 415 W.
I just have to add that the whole folding of the GU wrapper really appeals to my OCB disorder. Kinda no fun during a race though, so I end up with the sticky pocket syndrome for race days. Not that pocket Niko!

Aaron

Matthew, thanks for picking up the slack with the comparison.

Chris, I won’t consider 415 an insult, but only because you don’t have a powermeter. You were closer with your first guess.

Chris M

Yeah, I know about nothin about these crazy powermeters, which just confuse and alarm me. Im just a simple caveman HR rider. I gather people put out around 1000 W on a not-so-perfect type sprint, and maybe 1,400 on a good one (based on my own experience we rarely get a proper sprint kick in at these races – maybe Floyd though). As for a 1 min finish, thats tough to guess, since you may be sitting on a wheel and not even delivering any real power for some of that – plus there is the downhill part. Makes for tough guessinig, but I should trust my first effort, just like the SAT! 515 W…and thats my final guess…

Aaron

Chris! You’ve earned the socks. It’s 515 on the nose. Your first guess was actually very close to the real work, because the full minute starts before the descent from 72nd is over.

RK is a disqaulified bastard because I told him the answer after the race, so his "guess" of 512 doesn’t count.

matthew

aaron: no worries. but you could send me some cheetah crumbs for my personal review of these things.

btw, what’s with the double posts? i come back to the page and it posts my original entry. weird safari stuff, i guess.

peace.

Chris M

Whoooo-hooooo! Lucky me – an ugly pair of socks to add to what I affectionatly call my "birth control wardrobe" consisting of various heinous cycling outfits guaranteed to scare off the ladies! Ill catch you at the next race…

Comments are closed.