This weekend will hopefully see the last of Brian’s marathons for the foreseeable future, unless, of course, he inadvertently sees an ad for one somewhere. (I’m not exactly sure how marathoners find out about upcoming marathons, they probably have a service like Bike Reg—but I like to think they get their information from the bulletin boards of places that attract marathoners. Restaurants that serve stone soup or spas that offer special four hour misery treatments, for example.) If he doesn’t get sidetracked by another 26.2 miles of despair, he can begin focusing on becoming a bike racer.

Thanksgiving offered the opportunity for Brian and I to ride together with a group of local cyclists. I was hoping that Brian would display the type of Brian-ness that I know him for: half-wheeling, raising the pace when he hits the front of the pace line, puncture repairs that last 50 meters. But lo and behold, Brian was rather docile. He claimed that running the Philadelphia marathon the weekend before had slowed him down, but I suspect that Brian is trying to convince the world that I am out of my mind, and that he never rides like a crazed donkey-sloth.

Hopefully the exchanges below will persuade the world otherwise.

November 24

Gatens Hah! I never turned my Strava on. Oops. My badge glory is fading as I’ll need to ride 85 or so miles per day for the next three days.

schmalz "There were no achievements on this ride"

Gatens Pretty much sums up every ride of mine. When we race bikes in suburbia can we also solve crimes? Murder She Wrote meets Breaking Away meets The Golden Girls.

schlego™ duration: my Strava says 1:35, all your Strava are belong to me!

November 25

Gatens Strava is wack? My ride today on Strava doesn’t match the route that I took. What’s up with that yo? Does Strava hate me?

schmalz That’s odd, I’ve never had that happen. I did update the app today, so maybe it’s the new app that’s the issue?

Gatens I think that it lost the signal so it made a best guess on the route. One thing of note is that I stopped and helped a guy change a flat. He didn’t know how to use the CO2 canister so I showed him how. I’m pretty certain that me helping someone change a flat is one of the signs of apocalypse.

schmalz Odd, I’ve never had that happen. You changing a flat successfully, that is.

Gatens And I rode outside two days in a row—run for your life.

schlego™ duration: undisclosed

November 28

Gatens "Pretty sure there’s an inverse correlation between tweeting about how hard you’re training and actually winning bike races." Uh oh.

schmalz You Tweet?

Gatens I heart Twitter. Crushes FB for news. 

schmalz Are you trying to tell me that my seconds cousin’s cows calving on Farmville isn’t news?

Gatens FB is going the way of MySpace in 2012. They’ll have an ipo that’s huge and then show there inability to make a profit. Re: Groupon. 

schmalz Do you mean to tell me that 2012 will be the year without posts about breakfast, lunch and dinner?

Gatens Only slightly less fascinating than reading about sunsets and puppies. 

schlego™ duration: nothing

November 29

Gatens To build my mental toughness I’m going to ride the rollers for ten hours to this. (And what’s most sad/interesting/shocking, is that you actually had to stop and think that I may do it.)

schmalz If you had said 20 hours, it would have been more believable. 

Gatens You peer into my soul so well.

schlego™ duration: more of nothing

November 30

Gatens Wow, they have you shooting Mickey… Hardcore… I had a good training weekend with riding and all that but have taken off the last three days. Sick and a bit overtired from Philly. Treating this as one of those newfangled ‘recovery weeks’ that real coaches talk about.

schmalz Mickey would approve.

schlego™ duration: nothing

December 1

Gatens Just took off four days. Longest time doing nothing since I was born. Felt good on the rollers. Wrapped up a crazy episode of The Walking Dead.

schmalz If I were a better motivator, I’d say something motivator-y, but I got nothing here. Carry on.

Gatens Yeah, I’m not motivator-y today. Three hours on the rollers tonight will solve that.

schlego™ duration: nothing