Yesterday’s stage played out in a fashion as predictable as an episode of Scooby Doo (spoiler alert—they catch the ghost—and it’s someone in a disguise), but the man in the suit at the end was the surprise. It was the recently revitalized Alessandro Petacchi who won the race. I guess it should come as no surprise that the "Ale-jet" (as he is aeronautically nicknamed) won; because he’s won a stage at this year’s Tour already—but his recent wins have come in stages where there have been crashes at the end that have benefitted him (Petacchi really owes Mark Cavendish an edble floral arrangement). Stage 4’s win was incident-free though, and shows that the Ale-jet will perhaps be a force to be reckoned with in future stages.

In other news, someone who is not affiliated with our site in any matter (honest) has been heckling Lance outside the Shack bus. Feel free to check out the video here (it’s at the two minute mark or so). I can’t confirm if this is the same guy that was heckling Lance at the Tour of Luxembourg, but I must say that the fellow, if he is the same guy, is tenacious (and probably unemployed), but either way his picture is going up on the side of the Shack bus.

Also in that video clip is a delightful interview with Fabian Cancellara. Now Fabian, being Swiss, probably speaks about nine more languages than I do (I only speak English and vodka), but I have to say that his interview in English is very enjoyable, and he could be the inspiration for the Thor SMASH to English translator. Meanwhile there’s an interview with Thor SMASH himself, and as you can see, he disappointingly speaks English very well.

Also out there is a blog entry from Alexander Vinokourov on the Specialized site. 

I am proud to help Alberto Contador to win his third Tour de France. Since the beginning, our understanding is perfect and flawless. Unfortunately yesterday in the cobblestones I couldn’t see he was having trouble in the last few miles because I was leading the pursuit. With the strong effort to catch up the headphones were no more useful. There was no time to it put back. But there will be other opportunities to show the strength of our cooperation and solidarity of the Astana team.

There you have it in a brief 87 word nutshell, Vino couldn’t hear that Berto was dropped. And yes that is the entire blog entry, feel free to peruse the previous entries from Vino also (there’s 3!), sadly they seem to only come after controversial events, and don’t really allow you to get a peek at Vino, the man. But not everyone’s a twitter-a-holic.

Finally and most importantly, I’m pouring out my Zima in tribute, as the peloton has lost one of its stalwarts, a piece of its history. I’m speaking, of course, about Russian Vladimir Karpets’ Mullet. This photo from yesterday’s start shows Karpets shorn of his Neftekamsk neck rug. This truly marks the passing of an era. Karpets was the last hold out (like Sean Kelley not switching to clipless pedals or Craig MacTavish not playing hockey with a helmet) of the flamboyant euro hair era. An era personified by Laurent Brochard’s French "moo-lay" or Laurent Fignon’s receding hairline pony tail—a look that he was so dedicated to that some surmise that it cost him the 1989 Tour. Karpet’s Kentucky camouflage was so authentic that he could’ve easily picked up the controls to any carnival ride in Lexington or Louisville and no one would’ve been the wiser. I will mourn this passing today, and I hope, no I pray, that no one tells Jonathan Vaugthers’ sideburns the news.

Today’s stage will most likely be another cycling episode of Scooby Doo, with only the man in the sprint mask to be decided, but that doesn’t mean we won’t scan diligently for nature breaks or DS nose picks, but we won’t be seeing the mullet today, and that makes the enterprise a little less satisfying.

Live Report

83k to go. Jurgen van de Walle (QuickStep), Jose Ivan Gutierrez (Caisse d’Epargne) and Julian El Fares (Cofidis) are off the front in a break that’s 33.3% French and 100% doomed.

80k to go. In a move indicative of how dull this stage is, the camera helicopter is following a canal boat. They jump back to the break and I miss the canal boat already. Oh, wait, there’s some dam porn, not damn porn mind you—it’s an actual dam.

75k to go. Bert Grabsch gets a wheel, evidently because his previous rear wheel succumbed to being beneath Bert Grabsch.

Paul mentions how the salt forms on the side of the rider’s jerseys as they ride, Vino actually sweats crystallized vodka.

67k to go. Chavanel goes back to the doctor’s car and requests…OOH! There’s the canal boat again!! Go boat!!

64k to go. HTC working at the front so Cav can win and chill the hell out.

60k to go. Cav has shoes issues, apparently they are full of slow.

59 k to go. Van de Walle gets a speed bottle, he will need about 45 more of those for this break to work.

49k to go. The pack is stretched out like Bert Grabsch’s bib shorts.

 46k to go. Thor SMASH has his bike looked at. I can read lips and he’s saying, "Allow me to save team some petrol fuel as I push this car along. Thor SMASHes the planet."

41k to go. Menchov working his way back to the field after a wheel change. I watch Menchov like I watch a cat sleeping on a wall, as you never know when he’s going to fall off.

 27k to go. Race situation unchanged: break at 1:41, Grabsch large, Lance complaining about heat, radios to team car for his jumpsuit and slippers.

 26k to go. A shot of Jens which melts the hearts of recumbent riders the world over.

25k to go. The Tour now has a woman operating the time gap chalk board, she holds out a message stating, "Quit sticking dollars into my jumpsuit, Mr Armstrong."

20k to go. This will be a hard stage to call, Dean actually looked really good yesterday, but he should be riding for Robbie Hunter. Boass Hog looked good also, and you can never discount Oscar. Thor SMASH looked not so sharp yesterday, and Cav was as lost as the watch that Alberto just gave Lance. 

 Is there any way Hog and Lance don’t ebay those watches?

 5k to go. And the race is just starting, the finish sounds more tight than yesterday, we will see if Lampre can lead out Cav into 12th place again today.

12k to go. The break’s at 1:00, and there’s two ladies waving at the race from the front shovel of a tractor before retiring to the local demolition derby.

Grabsch at the front for HTC forming the "cow catcher" of the HTC lead out train.  

 And if you had 8.8 k on the argy bargy sweepstakes, you’re a winner!

8.3k to go. Now it gets good. HTC at the front. Milram is bringing Ciolek up to finish 5th.

7.1 to go. There’s a roundabout, or as they are known in Britain, "Cav catchers."

6.3k to go. Gutierrez jumps, because, you know, why the Hell not?

5.3k to go, he has 17 seconds and is by himself.

4.8k to go. Let’s see which teams get their trains jumped.

4k to go, it’s over for Gutierrez.

Lampre on the front now, with HTC in a Lampre sandwich.

3k to go. Garmin on the front. But now it’s a mix of teams now. Thor SMASH right behind Garmin.

2k to go. Oscar just bumped the hell out of a HTC guy.

1k The Hoag is up there Thor SMASH 4th.

Garmin lines up for Tyler and his limp wrist. Thor SMASHes Renshaw hard.

Cav jumps off his leadout, wins, spits and calls Thor SMASH a c*nt.