As the Toto Turns 184

by Andy Shen

The email that caused cancer

 The email that caused cancer

99 Comments

Mathis Wave Ring

>>> how did he get cancer in the first place???

cool, an oncologist weighs in with expert opinion (!!!!)

Samuel Bushing

Great to work in Nowitzki. His role is key makes this serious and not just “the same old shit”

Aaron Threadlock

Someone quoted “Great to work in Nowitzki. His role is key makes this serious and not just “the same old shit””.

I didn’t see any non cycling names in the press releases.

Guillaume Saddlesore

Top Shelf, almost as good as thedickpound.com.

You smell that? That smell, that gasoline smell. It smells like….victory.

Betsy Andreu

The girl in the background is me. Or so lance would have you think as much.
Took awhile to read this Toto since I was laughing too much. Very very funny.

Reid Rothchild

Lance,

Dirk can’t wait to get you on set.

Now that your stock has gone down somewhat he’s insisting on a b/b with him being top man though.

We supply both daily and 36 hour cialis.

Love,

Reid

West Coast Reader

What no Marti Jemison?

The possibilities of a non-contender winning le Tour have increased!

Joe Public (Duh!)

Is that really you Betsy? I heard you’re a regular reader of Toto. If so, who’s having the last laugh now? I love to see LA and Johan squirm. Nothing is as telling as watching Johan talk to live TV crews standing outside the team bus with a smirk on his face. Like we can still believe the sh#% that comes out of his pie hole — PLEASE!

Ethan Lorica

What I think is weird is that LA in his press conference says that he and the others implicated have been getting threatening emails from Floyd for months. Weird that none of them spoke up about it.

Dong Work For Yuda

Today is the greatest. The spin machine will spew the vitriol and attempt to marginalize flandis and quick, but we all know he’s telling the truth. What we need for the final nail are the moto pictures, or the “detailed diaries” he speaks of.

This is just awesome. Burn it down.

Verrochio Neck

landis is habitually drunk e-mailing late at night?

maybe the dude really needs help. this ain’t the way to go about getting it.

Louis Saddlesore

Floyd has zero evidence, he has been talking about that moto pic for years. He wrote a book and swore in court he was innocent.

no matter what armstrong has done, floyd is still a douchebag

Std Op proc

put them all under federal investigation. get them on the stand, under oath, whatever…

come to think of it? Is Landis now in any jeopardy for previous testimony?

line them up, as in line up…

Get Johan while he is still in the US!!!

nobody really wants the truth…
Floyd is no Tom Cruise!!!
Code Red! Code Red!!!

Greg doeznt want the truth, thats why he settled…

Luca Torque

Floyd should have to return all monies received under the deception of innocence. Floyd fairness fund my A$$. Who’s in?

Baldwin

Now the medicine man comes and he shuffles inside
He walks with a swagger and he says to be bride
“Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride
You will not die, it’s not poison”.

WB

Junk is the ideal product… the ultimate merchandise. No sales talk necessary. The client will crawl through a sewer and beg to buy.

Seatmast

We can let out a sigh of relief:

“I’m alive. Fell face first and banged elbow pretty good. Xrays on the elbow were neg. Extremely disappointed not to be able 2 continue.”

Luchino Neck

Floyd Landis = Jose Canseco. Totally untrustworthy and only looking out for himself but tells the truth anyway.

Alexandre Threadlock

If the beer at the Brooklyn Brewery wasn”t so good, I would really feel violated

sacha

I knew it!!

Wait, Floyd himself says he has no proof. Damn and all you LA haters still can’t do anything except speculate and accuse without facts. Landis certainly lost credibility with the way he did this and gets the facts wrong. LA was not even in the race that he says there was a positive EPO test that LA paid off. Not like something that big could be mis-remembered!

Oh well, I am still waiting for the data.

sacha

Oh yeah. Andy, cancer is a serious disease and kills hundreds of thousands of people a year. Granted, lots of people take advantage of this fact to make lots of money, but that does not mean a compassionate person would use it the way it is in this comic. It is not funny to say someone would want to have cancer, even if it is someone you despise.

Mauro Saddlesore

Landis tells the truth. But no one wants to listen. If Landis and Lemond can burry the hatchet, they would do some damage to the doping culture…like start a new power file testing federation that has riders under lock and key for 6 months before they can race…make it a show about bike messengers with the top guys winning a spot on a Pro Tour team, like Ken Labbe or Joao???

Facts that Lance dopes: how did he get cancer in the first place??? then 1999-2005, 2009 Tours, just look at the podiums…let alone the top 50…
not only are the performances suspect for how and who he beats, but also the fact that it is a MAFIA with OMERTA, and you don’t SPIT in the SOUP…they all dope, from riders to mechs, drivers, DS, Podium Girls, all the way down to the spectators on beer, wine, and whatever else…
it is the culture, always has been, always will be…
at least now they are under Dr care 24/7 and UCI “refinement” Bio Blood Passport…in the 90’s wouldn’t touch it because it was roulette, but now with the internet, a good dr and a good team, hell yes I would, not only to get papapaid!!! but also to go damn fast!!!

Landis is so low as a snitch with no legs to stand on as he has no mafia backup and he will get shredded fast by mass media and even cycling media, do not spit in the soup, cause when the soup is good, all is good!!!!

Phil, Paul, Bob, Carmichael, Livingston, Julich, they all know this and are suckling on “Roma” until there is nothing left…pathetic!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sane man

Regardless of the veracity of his claims, Floyd will be banished to the fourth round of the ninth circle of Hell for all eternity, alongside Judas, Brutus and Cassius.

This is the absolute bottom, reserved for the most base acts of betrayal against one’s masters and benefactors. There is no worse place in all of the Inferno (or Creation, for that matter), for there is no worse sin than treachery against those with whom you once had a bond of love and trust.

Let the idoterati chirp away to their heart’s content. In your corner you have Mr Schmalz – in my corner we have Dante Alighieri. I like those odds.

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

“Thereby Cocytus wholly was congealed.
With six eyes did he weep, and down three chins
Trickled the tear-drops and the bloody drivel.

At every mouth he with his teeth was crunching
A sinner, in the manner of a brake,
So that he three of them tormented thus.

To him in front the biting was as naught
Unto the clawing, for sometimes the spine
Utterly stripped of all the skin remained.

‘That soul up there which has the greatest pain,”
The Master said, “is Judas Iscariot.”‘

schmalz

“In your corner you have Mr Schmalz – in my corner we have Dante Alighieri. I like those odds.” Those are some sweet quotes, but you are aware that “The Inferno” is a work of fiction, correct? That would be like me quoting Dr Seuss or Sally Jenkins.

Baldwin

Under “Denial” strategy there is “simple denial,” the act alleged was not performed. The example is, “I did not do it.” In the “Evading Reasonability” strategy, the first step is “provocation,” a dramatic response to somebody else’s actions, “My opponent attacked me first.” In the “Reducing the Effectiveness of the Event” strategy,” one technique is “minimization,” what was done was not serious in the overall scheme of things. “Attack Accuser,” is an attempt to reduce the accuser’s credibility. The example is the “Witness is a liar.” And then there’s the “Mortification” strategy whose key characteristic is to over apologize. The example is, “I’m very sorry.” Or better put, I’m very, very sorry.

First, the appearance of cooperation; second, shifting the blame; third, attempting to get the public to shift its attention away from the scandal; fourth, criticizing the credibility of the chief accuser; fifth, attempting to justify refusal to turn over materials because of privacy privilege; sixth, pointing to his clean record; seventh, claiming to be cooperating fully with special prosecutors; eighth, reasserting privacy privilege; and ninth, using a special source of information (secret tapes) to discredit and damage those who were attacking him.

sane man

Am I aware that the Inferno is a work of fiction?

Is this really the question?

Here’s what I’m aware of, Mr Schmalz, with all due respect. Seven centuries ago – before you were even a dirty thought in your great-great-great-grandfather’s mind – an Italian thought long and hard about sin, repentance, punishment and redemption. And, specifically, which sins are worse than others? Which sinners are worse than others?

This man – the Supreme Poet – penned a work which is still read and beloved 700 hundred years later. And will still be read 1,000 years hence. Try for one second and contemplate that. With the Divine Comedy, Dante Alighieri has built an eternal monument, as Horace might say, one “more lasting than bronze.”

His conclusion was that the crime deserving of the least leniency and most profound pain and punishment for all eternity was that of a man betraying those with whom he had a special relationship: his masters, and his benefactors.

Long after the Sane Man and Mr Schmalz are both reduced to fertilizer and since forgotten*, The Poet’s words will still be read. His conclusion will still be as true in 1,000 years as it is now as it was 700 years ago:

No man more deserves eternal infamy and scorn than he that willfully betrays those whom he loved, and who loved him.

Suck on that with your Green Eggs & Ham.

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* Unless, of course, our resident scribe Brother Historicus ever gets the “History of the Decline and Fall of the NYVeloCity Empire” in final form.

schmalz

Yes, but it was a guess, unless you contend he actually went to hell and found out for himself.

CB

An intellectual says a simple thing in a hard way. An artist says a hard thing in a simple way.

Lorenzo Plug

Why are you assuming that Dante is in your corner? There is no loyalty among thieves.
And no offense, but that piece of fiction was based on another piece of fiction/fairy tale. I don’t think there is any reason we need to bring this discussion into the realm of religion.

sane man

No, no – precisely wrong – you have it completely bassackwards. There is absolutely no difference! It is clearly more important to be loyal when it is difficult, when the object of your loyalty least deserves it. That’s about the only time it counts.

A man *must* have a code. He must. And he must live by that code, unwavering and constant. Part of that code needs to be loyalty to those who have supported him – in lean times and fat times.

Mr Landis was happy to be loyal when it suited his own personal greed and ambitions. Now – a scant several years later, when it no longer suits him – his inconstancy and what he has done to his masters (managers, coaches) and benefactors (fans, FFF participants, teammates, support staff) is not excusable – regardless of what they have done. He could have easily atoned for his shortcomings without being disloyal. He has chosen not to. He was only loyal when expedient, a liar whenever necessary, and preyed unconscionably on his benefactors with guile to steal from them.

He is beneath f-cking contempt.

Be careful who you enlist as an oarsman in your quest for the white whale, Cap’t.

sane man

Religion and religious figures have absolutely nothing to do with any of this.

Mr Baldwin, I enjoyed your post – always been a big fan.

I dont’t want to take up a lot more space. Mr Shen, I assume that you are very excited with recent developments, and do not want to detract from that. Best of luck in your endeavours. I remain, as always, loyal to Messrs. Schmalz, Shen and Ostroy – our three original NYVeloCitizens.

schmalz

But what if you see Floyd’s statements as a return to the loyalty he felt to his Mennonite upbringing?

Mohamed Tigweld

Look Mr. Sanity, we understand that you have a desire to put your, otherwise useless, Master’s degree in literature to some use, but coming to a cycling website and making allusions to Dante and Moby Dick is, really, pretty self serving. We don’t really want to watch you stroke yourself, and you’re mucking up an otherwise decent debate.

700x25

Talking in the 3rd person about yourself is the first indication of being delusional- and it is freaking annoying….”Long after the Sane Man and Mr Schmalz are both reduced to fertilizer and since forgotten”

Sane man:
So you took your modern European thought class and got a B-: What is at issue is the defrauding of the sporting public. I could care less if Floyd is Judas- I want the truth to come out about how Lance “won” his tours. He lied and now he wants to tell the truth. We should not turn our backs on someone who has some of the pieces to the puzzle of the great fraud that is Lance Armstrong.

Furthermore the logic that Floyd must support and honor those who have supported him starts to sound like the code that the mafia lives by….and by all accounts it is only honorable in Hollywood, not the real world.

sane man

Live by your code, boys, and I’ll live by mine.

(Insulting people – lamely – that you disagree with is ethically cool in your world? Sweet. Good luck with that.)

tibo O-ring

So if you want to continue to be literal, yes the comparison is Christ to Lance, but only because they were both betrayed by someone they trusted. The comparison stops there. From the stories told in the bible, Christ was a much nicer and forgiving guy. I don’t think Lance will turn the other cheek here. Most of us humans don’t.

loquacious jones

sane guy, the question is, with your idea of “loyalty” being the supremely deep commitment that it is, who is worthy of it?

if your “master or benefactor” is a cheating, backstabbing asshole, why are you loyal to him? are you a laborador or something?

sane man

Who you calling a labradoodle?

Isn’t it self-evident that one needs to choose friends and loyalties wisely?

(Our favorite retainer Ghost Dog knew that.)

Huh?!

Sorry, I don’t mean to start a flame war, but why are you quoting Dante when the topic is about a sporting fraud issue? Landis knows some dirt, he is spilling the beans and that’s the news. What does some italian poet from the 13th century have to do with it? We might as well start quoting the old testament while we’re at it. Oh wait, I guess that’s a common MO from the bible thumping crowd in response to issues in modern life. Never mind….

In any case, here is a link to the supposed letter Landis sent to UCI and USA Cycling-

http://www.scribd.com/doc/31674835/Floyd-Landis-Letter-Of-Confession

Amerigo Biopace

“Sometimes you just have to pee in the sink.”

I prefer quoting Bukowski in a pinch

Big Bottles

What insight into the brokerage of power in the bike world- and what an insane proposition that Landis would come back, race for radio and win the Vuelta!!!!
This story is going to sink a few careers, wreck sponsorship (vaughters and lance maybe…) and hurt the longevity of certain peoples career (Barry, Dave Z and Levi).

Cosimo Setscrew

the one thing you have proven to be absolutely loyal to is to being a big-league asshole. just shut up, bitch.

Day One Reader

I nominate the Bruyneel, cell phone and balls frame as the best ever cartoon cell in Toto. Vintage. Frame it.

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