Off-Topic for 08/11/2009 – 02:10

by schmalz

Welcome to the Tue, 08/11/2009 – 02:10 edition of Off Topic! You are looking at the next step in the evolution of VCN, the Off-Topic page. Have you ever been frustrated because you had a burning desire to call someone a sandbagger and could only hope to be timely by posting your comment to a photo gallery page or on a page describing a charity ride?

Well, your prayers have been answered! You can post your comment from the home page and it magically comes to rest here with the other orphans from the land of Misfit Comments. The page gets refreshed every day, but not to worry! Each day’s page will be archived and treasured, so you can look back on past pages with pride, shame or disgust-depending on how the day’s conversation went. So post away! We’ve got an internet to fill up.

9 Comments

schmalz

Comment of the day, August 10, 2009:

squid + vigilante = squigilante
By: Wheelsucker
Mon, 08/10/2009 – 10:26am
This heralds the dawn of a brand new day for NYC cycling. Finally, we can attend races with a greater feeling of safety and security, comforted by the conviction that transgressors will be brutally punished by the great Squigilante for their lawlessness. (Or, if not actually punished, at least mentioned a day or two later anonymously on a bunch of different threads.)

We will soon unveil the “SquidSignal,” a searchlight / distress signal to be broadcast from the top of the NYVeloCity Hall of Injustice. It will broadcast a picture of a giant squid on the clouds above New York City anytime a racing infraction thrusts itself upon our great metropolis.

Top 10 things (besides ‘bagging) that the Squigilante will police for USACycling pro bono:

10. Making sure that National Champion jerseys are only worn in the correct events. (1N5(e))

9. Relegating riders who make any progress unaccompanied by a bicycle (1Q9.)

8. Disqualifying racers without handlebar plugs (1M1(d))

7. Disqualifying racers with advertisements on their jerseys that are NOT racing members of sponsored clubs (1N5(b))

6. Disqualifying racers unnecessarily delaying the start of a race (102)

5. Aggressively policing the cut-off in Central Park for violators taking a short-cut (1Q3)

4. Disqualifying racers who curse during an event (1Q5(b))

3. DQ’ing riders who don’t “holdja line!” (finally! 1Q6. No rider may make an abrupt motion)

2. Keeping a watchful eye out for Kissenas trying to sneak into CRCA races (1J12: Club Membership Fraud. No rider may enter a race as a member of a club who is not a member in good standing of that club)

1. Making sure Alan Atwood doesn’t hoist a pint at a cyclocross event (1Q13. No person with official responsibilities … shall consume alcoholic beverages.)

(I imagine the Squigilante’s superhero costume consists of a pair of polyester royal blue coaching shorts and a clipboard to write down each infraction – your mental depiction of the Squigilante may vary.)

Wheelsucker

Evie Menchoved it in the TT, got back up but had to get on the road bike to finish. Very gutsy and is in good spirits and ready to go tomorrow. She needs a blog foreals.

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