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You Tube – useful for so many things…

Big day yesterday. None won the Tour, but a few may have lost the Tour. Kloden fell and cracked his coccyx – if there’s a funnier bone to break, I can’t think of one. Personally, I’ve always got a slight kick out of metatarsals, but coccyx is money in the bank!

Kloden’s fearless leader Vino also fell because of a stiff link – and I will now comment about how dirty that sounds. Astana’s losses are comedy’s gains! Vino is a little bruised and banged up, but Vino grew up in Kazakhstan for crying out loud! The Tour is probably like a nice, sunny holiday to him.

Today’s stage could be a chance for our boy Thor SMASH to shine. Freire is showing form, and Zabel is in green. Welcome to 1998! We just need Virenque weeping in a team car to complete the scene.

So let’s recap yesterday’s stage from a GC perspective. Valverde, Sastre, Kloden and Vino all had to chase back onto the race after mishaps or bloody carnage. That means the guys who did actually pay attention were Cadel, Menchov, Rogers, *gulp* Levi, and *double gulp* Moreau. Can you imagine a podium of Moreau, Levi and Menchov? Besides Moreau weeping, it could be the least compelling threesome of all time.

And yes, when ever I mention Frenchmen, they’re always weeping.

120-ish to go and the peloton has let Wiggins go – he has about 16 minutes. It looks like another “nurse the wounds” stage – and if my beloved Toto were in the Tour – it would be a “work on your man tan” stage. Damn you, Prudhomme!

Wow, look at all the bandages on Vino! Robo-Vino! As opposed to the regular warm, puppy cuddling Vino.

Wiggins is known primarily for his track work and for wining prologues, think he’ll stay away for another 100K? Today’s stage is going to be a long one, I might have to bust out Announcer Guy again.

“189 guys who centrifuge their poop and eat cold pasta – the Tour on VS.”

There – that was easy.

I suppose I should take another shot at Agritubel being very, very poor, but I don’t have the heart right now. Truth be told, I’m just peeved that they got a wildcard over Tinkoff – depriving me of a Toto Tour appearance. Of course Tinkoff did sign every rider with a dodgy reputation – when Toto’s your “classy” guy, that’s kind of a bad sign. Frank Vandenbroucke is faxing his resume over right now.

Agritubel will be ebaying Barloworld’s used chains after today’s stage, their user name is toto_killers.

There’s a circle of Kazakh around Vino in the peloton.

A Barloworld guy goes down in a flurry of water bottles and pocket contents; needless to say, if he raced for Agritubel, he’d be picking those bottles up.

Wiggins still out front doing 22 MPH. It’s not a matter of if they catch him; it’s a matter of when at this point. Linus is letting Pozzato try a home perm on him in the pack.

“Drunk Dutch fans and big wieners painted on the road for no apparent reason – the Tour on VS.”

Frankie interviews the Astana Director. “We are trying to arrange a transplant of Kloden’s knees to Vino.”

The Barloworld guy drops our after a feed zone crash, I am robbed of the opportunity to say, “No one gets in the way of Toto and his lunch.”

They play the Thor SMASH spot again. In a perfect world we would be able to make a VCN spot with Thor SMASH and Gary Coleman together.

GC “Thor, you gotta go check out VCN!”

TH “Yes, Gary, I will checking it out.”

*awkward silence*

GC “yeah”

TH “Mmmm Hmm.”

GC “Where’s my check?”

Fade to black

How can we make this happen?

The Boner “I am Specialized” spot comes up again. Their tag line is a little close to “I am special”, which could be mocked by someone who’s insensitive and crass, especially when it’s said with a Belgian accent. Thank God I’m way too classy to do something like that.

Bruyneel interview about Noval hitting the Bouygues Telekon team car. The Director was distracted by being interviewed on TV about Voeckler’s dreaminess when Noval nailed the car and went through the back window. He jumped out immediately and demanded that Noval pay for the broken window. They’re working it out.

Kloden dropping back, literally busting his butt.

Here comes the green jersey sprint, let’s see how Thor SMASH does. Boner got the points before.

The Boner takes Zabel. Don’t even need to mention how dirty that sounds.

68 k to go. Sooo boring. I expect Phil and Paul to start a freestyle “rap off” at any moment. If Paul disses Phil momma – it’s on!

“Weeping Frenchmen, awful hairstyle choices – the Tour on VS.”

Really absolutely nothing going on. Wiggins has a flat and frisbees a $700 wheel into the ditch. Agritubel misses another ebay opportunity.

Pozatto trying to convince others in the pack to join his man perm cult. Karpets is intrigued.

A Freire spotlight, they show his move from the Tour de Suisse where he jumped the median to drop Toto. Best. Move. Ever.

This race will not get interesting until 20k to go.

I’m picking Rasmussen to win today. Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!

Wiggins attacked at the 2K mark today, so he’s been out for about170K or so, I’m sure he’ll have plenty left in the tank for the finish.

Ah, a DR chipper commercial, anyone who’s ever watched the Tour on OLN/VS will remember the good old DR chipper, and would probably rather be fed into a DR chipper than see another DR chipper ad.

“The world’s greatest cyclist are coming to France to try and slip a podium girl the tongue – the Tour on VS.”

18k to go still a slow ride.

Wiggins left out front to fry and die. The race will begin with 10k to go.

Hunter has been desperate to win in the last few stages, he could pull off a win and legitimize all those miles Barloworld has spent not being in breaks.

Quick Step finally comes to the front at 10k to go, their stage winner Steegmans prepares to sprint.

The Wiggins is dangling. Hee hee.

7K to go. Burghardt’s power at 129 watts, the same wattage as his bowel movements.

Someone will have to eventually race here.

Look like a cluster boink sprint coming up. Good for McEwen and Freire, bad for Boner.

Does anyone else want to see Zabel win again? He’s had about 4,000 second places, plus he could phone Petacchi after and see if he pretends to be happy.

Oof slow finish, crash in 3…2…1…

Every sprinter is here.

The lead out guys pull off and drop like used grass from cattle.

The Boner takes it! In a very un-Boner like free for all sprint. Freire edges Zabel for second.

Belgium grunts, passes gas and says, “Finally.”