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Prologue Through Stage 2
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Stage 7
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Stage 9

Today will be a hard day in the Alps, with three big old summits to contend with. Vino could be starting to feel better after the rest day yesterday, so maybe we’ll see some attacking. It’s been a bizarro Tour with Moreau playing the role of the aggressor, Vino being timid and we have Valverde’s collarbone still attached to his body.

Thor SMASH has a cold and is taking antibiotics. Under normal circumstances, Thor SMASH would simply send the virus away by using his mighty voice to discard the bad germ men, but he’s been a little tired lately.

Marcus Burghardt just hit a dog. Just like Park racing in NYC! Valverde just had to dodge a garbage truck!

80K to go – we’re getting to the Telegraphe. Sprinters are popping off the back, it might be tough day for Thor SMASH to make the time cut.

Rabobank setting a pace that will knock the Boner off for sure – that sounds sooo dirty.

Astarloza is off the front of the race, Euskaltel could use the money as they’ve made 9,250 Euro so far this Tour, Agritubel is right behind at 8,760 Euro – look for both teams to collaborate on a car wash after the race. Quick Step has made the most money so far, allowing the Boner to get a semi truck load of Capri pants to take home.

Popo and Gusev are chasing Astarloza, working for someone on Discovery? Who can tell anymore?

A Barloworld guys jumps from the pack, no one cares.

It would behoove Razzy to gain some time in the hills here, as he will TT like a bull humping a steak – and yes, “humping” is an entry in my spellchecker. Wouldn’t want to misspell that.

Saunier pushing the pace, oblivious to the fact that Mayo usually has a bad day that ends in tears.

So the climb of the Telegraph is more a study in who’s off the back instead of who’s off the front. The Galibier will be the big decider today.

Wait! Voeckler jumps! To get KOM points? To try and win back France’s heart from Moreau?

58k to go – descent time. So far this stage has been as smooth as a Nina Totenberg lead-in.

Astarloza is back in the lead group, Gutiérrez slighty attacks. That’s about as effective as cutting dadoes with a plunge router instead of a table saw. Norm Abrams shakes his head in disgust.

Waiting until the Galibier now, killing time like Neal Conan on a pledge drive.

Prudomme on his cell phone at the side of the road in the commissar’s car. He’s phoning ahead to the climb to see if there are enough Germans in speedos on the hill.

There’s a 37K descent after the climb of the Galibier, so any time gained on the climb might be nullified. Terry Gross just spat in disgust and said, “What’s the point?”

Rabo working on the climb. Peloton gaining on the break.

So this mountain stage ends with a descent, the least exciting way to end a mountain stage. Of course, if there’s no town at the top of a mountain, it makes it very hard for the Tour organizers to shake down the local cheese makers for life-sized fromage effigies.

Popo pops. Valverde jumps with the chicken on his tail. Cadel Evans follows – shocker.

Evans goes to the front, forgetting that he is indeed, Cadel Evans.

Vino suffering, how soon until Kloden attacks?

Other leaders still together in the pack, it should be a cluster snuggle on the descent.

Steve Inskeep respectively registers his disdain for downhill finishes. Carl Kasell calls him a chickens***.

Valverde attacks again. Moreau getting dropped. World righting itself.

Valverde pushing like Cokie Roberts interviewing a porn addicted senator.

Contador attacks! Levi’s radio gets turned off.

Evans gets to Contador, he needs someone’s butt in his face to comfort him.

Evans comes by Contador; Contador nearly falls off in shock.

Mauricio Soler is off the front by the way. Barloworld might get dessert tonight.

Contador drops Evans like a malapropos from Phil.

Vino still grunting up the hill.

1K to the top of the hill.

Popo second at the summit, does anyone really care?

Contador on fire!

If you make a Linus flag, be sure to dot the “I” in “Linus” with a heart.

If Contador and Popo get together, it will be a very interesting descent. If Contador can remind Popo to not hit the ditch, they will make things very interesting.

Vino might catch back on during the descent.

Moreau would like to remind France that he did win the Dauphine.

So what are the odds Popo hits the ditch on the descent here? 2 to 1? If you were Contador, would you follow him?

Remember Soler? Yeah, he’s winning today…

Vino needs to make back 1:40 or so on the dscent.

There’s 4 races here now: Soler for the win, Popo and Contador for the GC, Vino to get back on, and Levi to become a water bottle carrier.

Moreau sitting in the pack, wearing his support hose.

OK, so we have some real dodgy descenders in it now: Evans, Sastre and Popo. It could get NASCAR on this hill.

13K to go, Evans shrieks and lets a gap open.

Caisse trying to gain time.

Guys trying to close Cadel’s gap, they all take swings at him as they pass.

10k to go, Barloworld guy holding.

Razzy has outwitted someone on a descent!

GC chasers having discussions. That should catch the others.

Contador radios back to tell Levi to bring up some bottles, for practice.

Vino slowly coming back. I would expect then to catch the Mayo pack of knuckleheads.

The yellow group catches Popo and Contador, Soler at 1:15. It’s gong to be close. Will Razzy win in a sprint? Bwa ha ha ha ha.

GC guys back together – except for Vino.

OK, I’m warming to downhill finishes, I’m so used to the Lance years, when Disco would gun the climb and everyone would just stay together. But this is madness! Awesome!

Uphill finish. 1 k to go for Solar.

Popo goes, dropping Levi.

Moreau getting pooped out the back.

Soler will win! His Barloworld teammates hear about the win as they crest the Telegraphe.

Razzy goes for the sprint! Valverde thinks it’s cute that he tries and drops him like a bag of pig guano.

Here comes Vino’s group, he’ll drop about 3 minutes on GC, making *ugh* Kloden the new Asana leader?

So Vino’s Tour was boned by a stiff link? Kazakhstan weeps into its stone soup.