Preview
Prologue Through Stage 2
Stage 3

Stage 4
Stage 5
Stage 6

<bib>Stage 7</big>

I will be able to watch today’s stage with the miracle of Tivo. Goodbye DR chipper! I will also be able to skip the preview stuff – today’s coverage is 4 hours long! Which is nice, but it’s a gruelingly long day when you have your two year old daughter sitting right next to you. Claire wants to pitch the laptop to the floor and regain her rightful place in daddy’s lap.

Today is Bastille Day, so there’s going to be a lot of Frenchmen taking shots at the win so they can weep on the podium.

I don’t think today will be a Razzy day yet, because Razzy’s MO has been to drop enough time to not be a GC threat, and then take off alone from about 150K away for a win. I look for Razzy to make his move in the Alps. Otherwise he just jumps for mountain points. He doesn’t even really help out with Menchov work either. So he just sits at the back unless he’s going for a win – awesome teamwork there.

122k to go 15 riders away at 7:53. No idea who is up there, I’ll go out on a limb and say Thor SMASH isn’t there.

Freire dropped out today because of a saddle sore – ouch. That has to be one hell of a taint bubble.

“Foreign guys who aren’t afraid to wear clam diggers on the podium – the Tour on VS.”

I can see Karpet’s mullet flying free in the pack, is the Eastern block version of the “Camaro crash helmet” the “Trabant trauma stopper”?

Still haven’t got a bead on who’s up front – whoa, Linus is up there! Hee hee.

Chad Lowe just turned off his TV, as watching the stage is just too painful.

Linus jumps! His jersey unzipped in a sultry fashion.

I wonder if there are any Agritubel riders up there? Did the other patrons at the hostel turn off the team alarm clocks off this morning?

Oy, not a lot going on until the next climb. Wonder which French riders made it up to the break?

Predictor chasing in the pack, working for Cadel. That’s got to be morale building. McEwen at the back working on his tan.

I still haven’t noticed a run down of who’s in the split – not that it really matters.

Fabian interview, Zabriskie mentioned how much his butt sticks and how that’s the source of his power. I’m going to throw the “overshare” flag on that play.

Fast forward time, let’s get to the climb.

There’s the break, Linus working, he asks Wegemann if he can notice his split ends.

Flecha is in the break. I would love to see him win today, but that’s a long shot. Plus, he has to avoid getting lost in Linus’ eyes.

De la Fuente jumps, shows his crotch heart, and gets some Mountain points. The Saunier crotch heart is almost as regrettable as the Liquigas crotch chevrons – almost.

The pack is on the descent, Robbie crawls into Thor’s SMASH jersey pocket.

They just passed an oversized roadside TV holding 4 guys on rollers.

Cancellara jumps on the downhill to put some Exlax in the pack’s colon.

De la Fuente goes for the points n the Cat 4 climb. Linus asks the team car for a Tab.

They are showing the T-Mobile director in the car today, Phil calls him on the phone and asks for Linus’ phone number.

They’re on the descent, Cancellara still trying to cause a movement.

More fast forwarding. Let’s skip ahead shall we? Here’s a Vino spotlight. They show shots of him from his days at Telekom when he really had an ill-fitting helmet. They interview Levi about Vino – Levi doesn’t bring up how Vino moved up past him on the GC last year by taking bonus seconds on a sprint on the last stage. Good times.

Vino calls for a hit on Manolo Saiz.

A little split in the break as an Euskaltel guy (Perez) attacked. Still a little zzzzzz at the front.

Here’s a Levi interview. “What do think about Lance’s chances to win an eighth Tour?”

The break is on the last hill now, the race can start now. Salvodelli dropping off the front group, the fatigue from holding up that huge helmet taking its toll. He could catch back on the descent though.

They show the obligatory shot of Thor SMASH trying to grunt his way up the climb.

Cancellara waves at the camera as he drops off the pace. Ciao, Fabian!

Three off the front and Linus jumps to try and get up there. Those Jazzercise classes have finally paid off!

We now will have an intermission while we attend a graduation party in Long Island.

We’re back after a 6 hour interlude – 3 hours of which were spent in the car. I will just say that Long Island traffic is a crime against humanity and the Cross Bronx Expressway is the roadway of the damned.

Everyone is on the hill now with 25 k to go.

Linus is at the front of the race, doing 9 mph on the hill. Chad Lowe is screaming encouragement at his TV, despite himself.

Linus has pledged to exchange promise rings with the Credit Agricole rider if he works with him on the descent.

Linus could get yellow if he holds it to the end.

This whole “snarky” business is getting old, let me try writing in the unfailingly positive style of a certain national bike magazine – let’s call it Pedaling-ing.

Gerdemann and his compatriot have surged to the front on their carbon steeds and are slinging arrows back at the pack assembled behind them. The sultry shape of Gerdemann twists and slithers as he winds his way up the road.

OK, that comes off a little “romance novel-y”, better to sound snarky when making quasi-creepy comments about a European cyclist’s delicate features.

Rabobank is chasing at the front, but Linus and his man friend are holding their gap.

20k to go, Linus attacks! Chad Lowe spills his daiquiri.

Boogerd at the front of the race, and his effort is knocking guys off the back. Flecha gets bought back and even has water for his teammates. Boogerd asks if he has any Liger milk.

This should be a dramatic finish, with Linus descending alone, trying to hold off Rabobank and the rest of the pack. It would be a cheap shot to say that he would cross the line weeping.

Salvodelli’s helmet makes him look even more like an eight year old.

De la Fuente rides his bike like a squirrel rides an unhappy chipmunk.

Razzy is working at the front with Boogerd insuring he will be allowed to eat dinner with the team tonight. All the favorites are still in the lead group, even Moreau.

Landaluze is holding steady behind Linus. Caisse de Epargne now setting the pace, trying to keep Valverde out of the ditch.

Landaluze is closing on Linus near the top of the climb. I can barely contain my excitement at the prospect of him being in yellow. The podium shots alone will be priceless.

There’s some fool in a grass skirt running in front of Linus, Linus reminds him that wearing vegetation is never flattering.

Linus barely misses a stopped moto.

Landaluze gets a um, boost, from some Basque fans. If Leblanc still ran the Tour, he would’ve ran over that guy with his Peugeot.

Linus is at the summit now, he is riding his ass off!

Razzy lumps for the KOM points. Shocking.

There are many shirtless Euros on the climb, and you can almost smell their pale skin burning from here.

The Ag2R team car tries to block Razzy for Moreau.

OK, let’s see how Linus is doing. He’s holding off Landaluze so far. Great ride for the Oscar winner.

Linus is descending with his “boys” on the top tube. He is surfing the curbs down this descent.

4K to go, Chad Lowe wiping away tears as he clutches his toy poodle.

This will be a great win for Linus, too bad he’ll have some little known knucklehead taking shots at his masculinity on the internet.

The camera pans slowly over Linus’ taut, tan body. Did I type that out loud?

Hmm, how will Linus celebrate his win at the finish line? Jazz hands, perhaps?

Linus wins! Hu-raaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy!

Chad Lowe does cartwheels in his silk pajamas.

People all over the world now left to wonder why there’s three podium girls.