Tour day schmalz stage 17

Section head text.

Preview Stage 6 Stage 11 Stage 16
Prologue through Stage 2 Stage 7 Stage 12 Stage 17
Stage 3 Stage 8
Stage 13 Stage 18
Stage 4 Stage 9 Stage 14 Stage 19
Stage 5 Stage 10 Stage 15 Stage 20

Stage 17

The chicken is gone. Rabobank gave him the boot after an Italian journalist claimed that he saw him in Italy when he was supposed to be in Mexico. This is a big boo boo. Racers are supposed to notify the UCI of their whereabouts at all times, especially if they are in one country as opposed to another, especially if that country might even be in a different hemisphere. Silly little details.

So Razzy is gone, it does throw the sport into a tailspin once again, but to be honest, I’m glad it happened now instead of after the Tour. And to be dead honest, I’m really glad Razzy is out – it there anyone left that can stand that guy?

Also, Cristian Moreni from Cofidis got popped for testosterone, and um, this is after his team Cofidis participated in the protest yesterday. Here’s a little gem from Jens From cyclingnews):

“The sit-in strike before the start was great,” he said sarcastically. “It just happened to have been organized by Moreni’s team. That was really a good one!”

Here’s another quote from Jérôme Pineau (again from cyclingnews)

“There are a lot of riders in his team whose contracts will expire at the end of the season,” he stated to HLN.be. “Thanks to him they may also be living on the street. If a rider like him was in my team, I wouldn’t hesitate to punch him in the face.”

I think that it’s a good sign that riders are speaking out against dopers and now that teams are losing their places at races because of their teammates, I think racers will be less tolerant of cheaters, and secondly, who doesn’t want to see two pencil armed men in lycra involved in a slap fight?

As an added bonus, Moreni’s test results were leaked to the press five hours before Moreni knew about them. Protocals are for suckers!

Well, back to the bike race.

Today’s a classic transition stage, which would’ve meant in years past that we’d see some Toto action at the front, but the Tour decided against him this year. Sure, Razzy’s fine, but Toto, nooooo. Bastards!

110k to go. We have a break – with Millar and – yay! Jens! Please win Jens, the world needs you right now!

The break has 2:12. I would have to say that Jens is the anti-Razzy.

Menchov drops out of the race, probably sick from having to ride for an Uber-Clown.

95k to go, Caisse de Jerkoffs chasing the Jens break.

So did Levi win a stage yesterday? How’s that work? Are Razzy’s results erased? Can we just pretend he never came to the Tour?

There’s two Lampres up there in the break, including Bennati. Jens will have his work cut out for him.

Caisse de Empty Souls still chasing, maybe for the team standings or for a Valverde sprint win. Both would be so much more satisfying than a Jens win.

Thor SMASH! has a good chance today, no idea how he’s feeling.

Caisse is losing time as they chase though, the break is at 3:56. Can all the DS-es just phone each other and say, “Let Jens win.”? What would be the harm?

So Saturday will be Contador vs Levi vs Evans. How can Levi return to Disco (or whoever they might be next) next year?

This from Evans from cyclingnews:

“I’m sure I’ve been beaten by cheats before, I know I have, and I’m sure I’ll be beaten by cheats in the future,” Evans said. “So I just go and do the best tour I can and people who believe in me and people who know me respect me for that. [I can think] ‘oh well, I did my best’ and my conscience, I’m very happy with that [for] I just race my bike and do the best I can.”

That is a sad and very telling statement; it almost makes you feel sorry for Cadel. And then you type something like: “The Evans Family Crapbag Players will debut their new composition ‘Forever Third’ on Saturday.”

Break still away with 64k to go.

Millar’s glasses make him look like a rabid comic book fan imitating his favorite character, “The Cosmic Clown”.

Hincapie interview, I like George, but he’s a little un-insightful. Maybe they might interview his Oakleys.

Trautwig picked Commesso for today’s stage win.

Is it me or does Cadel seems very un-Aussie? He doesn’t seem happy go lucky like Stuey or even Robbie. Can we just get him to say he’s Austrian? The accent alone would be wonderful. Can we get Levi to say he’s Lilliputian?

A photo moto comes up beside Cadel, he’s pissy about the moto being so close and he throws water at the photographer. Classy! Look for pics of Cadel whizzing and suffering in the days to come. My sympathy for Cadel lasted 5 minutes.

The Crapbag Players ask for complete crowd silence before they begin their hit, “Bitching is better than winning.”

Can you imagine the Navy Seal who developed the push up machine seeing what cyclists upper bodies look like? “Dear God, Nancy! I’ve seen bigger chests on Girl Scouts. I might just take you to the prom!”

42k to go break at 7:51. Go Jens!

Jens attacks. I’m typing that in to save cut and paste time later.

But watching Millar win and weep on the podium in a metrosexual costume would be very enjoyable, I’m torn here.

Jens will have to drop Bennati and his teammate to have a good shot. Not out of the realm of possibility. Jens stops by the side of the road, converts some water to wine and continues on the stage.

It will be game time soon. 29k to go. Jens’ palms start bleeding for no apparent reason.

Jens urinates on the side of the road and fragrant flowers sprout wherever his urine settles.

Jens offers Fothen a drink from his bottle – Fothen’s cold sore suddenly heals.

18k to go. Millar attacks, Jens counters to drop dead weight. Blessed are the aggressive, they shall get kissed by two French chicks at once.

They catch and counter, Millar looking weak. Now the lead group down to four.

Prudhomme goes up the front group, trying to clip Bennati with his mirrors.

Millar trying to catch back on. Tosatto watching Millar’s butt arrow – obviously mesmerized.

Jens mentions in passing that one of his breakaway companions will betray him, and it will be better that he’d never been born.

They show Jens beating Pereiro last year; I do enjoy watching Pereiro getting beat. Does that me a bad person? Forgive me, Jens.

9k to go. How will Jens drop Bennati? Maybe make it rain frogs? They never expect the raining frogs.

Does anyone not want Jens to win? Anyone?

5k to go. Front group working together. Millar and caboose 2:15 back.

4k, Jens attacks!

Bennati follows, earning 60 days in purgatory.

Jens goes again, causing a split. Jens flicks his elbow at Bennati, clouds part.

They’re back together. Only Bennati can follow Jens’ accelerations it seems.

2k to go, Jens at the back – to attack soon.

Jens sitting on Bennati. C’mon Jens!

Fothen jumps – there’s 90 days in purgatory.

Bennati chases, good for Jens. 500 meters, c’mon Jens!

Elmiger on the front. Jens 3rd wheel.

They jump, Elmiger puts Jens into the barriers – 129 days in purgatory

Bennati wins – loses soul.

112 Comments

Incident on 33rd. Street

I have always wanted other Discovery/Postal riders to win with Lance. No one deserved a chance more than Hincapie, and he won the queen bitch stage 15. After that, Rubiera should get the next shot.

That said, it was another champion (Savodelli) who powered to the win today

THE BEST EVER

Anyone who says this is not the best tour ever is crazy — every rider seems so human, guys cracking, dudes making up 30 mminutes, landis is an F….ing STUD……I hope he CRUSHES THE TT

Niko

Without question the best tour stage in my lifetime – this is Greg L in 1989 x 100 They should toss the favorites EVERY year just for the hell of it even if they didn’t take dope

Anonymous

I only read on the online play but play but holy shit. Must get drunk enough tonight to black out my memory and watch it for real. Its like the drama of the 1980 olympic hockey team winning but spread over 3 hours. Best commentary ever too, there must be a good 10 T-shirts in the making out of that one.

K King- VB

Phonak couldn’t have asked for more. One day the guy cracks and spends an extra 10 minutes in front of the camera going up hill slower than I do. The next he rides 160K by himself.

I’d say Discovery F’d up letting this guy get away. The best they could do was Pardnos getting dropped from the break 100K out.

mikem

make a shirt out of the american gothic crop-job. i’ll buy. …schmalz, when you paused and said "aah," did you wet yourself?

mikem

this puts a lot of pressure on the phonak mechanics NOT to screw up floyd’s TT ride this time around. 3rd time’s the charm…

lee3

One guy against 3 teams and he crushed them!! I loved his reaction to winning the stage. Sheer friggen focus. Hey, I wrote that this would happen yesterday! Do I get a star on the four head?

etsu

Lance who?
The French media criticizing for Floyd’s lack of panache? They need to go fill up his water bottles and put cream on his chamois. Wow

AA

That was amazing to see….and I’m not talking about Floyd but the about face that Schamlz did in reference to TT’s. I think he’s actually gonna watch it. I bet Dan is out at this very moment buying a dedicated TT bike and IM’ing Andy for TT tips.

Anonymous

Talk about irony if Pereiro could hold on and Floyd gets 2nd overall. If you were CSC and Caisse d’ Crapbag would you team up to make tomorrow as fast as possible to keep Floyd from recovering?

"keep floyd from recovering"?

No way, their guys will have to recover too. I doubt sastre and Pererro will be in any condition to ride hard tomorrow. CSC and the magically medicated T-Mobiles might have some neat recovery aids tho

jon hicks

parallel to LeMond and Indurain in 1990 in the final mountain stage dropping the hammer on Chiappucci when he had the yellow jersey. it set up LeMond for the TT win and the yellow jersey. but that is a pale comparison to what Floyd did today. unreal. can’t wait to see it tonight. will be permanantly saved on DVR, video, etc.

Neu

Wow, just great, what a rider! I was going back and forth btw velonews and cyclingnews to see who had the latest update. Panache, Lancaster County style.

Yep, Lee you get big credit. You called what most figured was impossible.

Alan Atwood

I’ve got two words for ya………….

HOLY SH!T!!!!!!!!

Game on!

Pray for me that my Sprint modem works on Saturday when I’m at Owasco timing the TT. How in the hell am I supposed to work under these conditions?

I am watching it for the 2nd time on OLN

It actually gets better….Landis looks so pissed and fired up at teh end, I think he is actually going to CRUSH dudes on Saturday…….I agree after 7 years, this is so refreshing

jesus perera

this is incredible!!!!!!!! i could not belive it after yesterday.what a race!!!!! bigggg cojones!
go for it landis on Sat!!!!!!!!

Genius from Texas

Genius – waiting for the book signings and the guest appearance on OLN. Sherwin has Ligget, Bobke needs Schmalz. Frankie sucks, replace him.

Anonymous

Overlooked within all this – Commesso 29th coming in ahead of all the Discos. Disco needs some boom boom and Toto’s guns might be the answer.

lee3

Cervelo already has the Shleck victory posted front and center on all or most of thier web ads. BMC will do the same with Floyd hopefully, however, he looks pretty pissed off and quite frankly the msg may read like "Buy this bike or this guy will kick yer arse!!"
I love it!!! Floyd will slay’em all in the ITT. I bet that T-mobile attacks on the last stage.

Podium: Floyd
Cadel
Kloden

Its pretty close between Cadel and Andreas. They could possibly swap steps since Kloden seems to be TT’ing well this year. Cadel has always been good @ the ITT though.

to I am watching it for the 2nd time on OLN

You won’t be saying that if Pereiro or Sastre holds on to win.

Without the last 2 stages this was like the Vuelta.

Lets face it accept for last year Lance did some crushing of his own.

Baldwin

MY NAME IS FLOYD LANDIS MY NAME IS FLOYD LANDIS MY NAME IS FLOYD LANDIS MY NAME IS FLOYD LANDIS MY NAME IS FLOYD LANDIS MY NAME IS FLOYD LANDIS MY NAME IS FLOYD LANDIS MY NAME IS FLOYD LANDIS MY NAME IS FLOYD LANDIS MY NAME IS FLOYD LANDIS MY NAME IS FLOYD LANDIS MY NAME IS FLOYD LANDIS MY NAME IS FLOYD LANDIS MY NAME IS FLOYD LANDIS MY NAME IS FLOYD LANDIS MY NAME IS FLOYD LANDIS MY NAME IS FLOYD LANDIS MY NAME IS FLOYD LANDIS

lee3

The only riders still in this thing that are good @ the Crono is Cadel and Kloden. Pereiro is sort of an unknown however, he will not have the guns to keep the jersey and quite possibly fall way down the leader board on a 57k ITT.

ewe idiot

I’m going to try to grow a moustache so I can look like Floyd. Did you see the shot of ‘TOTO’ painted on the road? I think I’m going to paint that on the road in front of my apartment.

Alex

Next year we have to get Dan a live feed so he can do some kind of live audio an we can mute our TVs, he is getting better every year. I dunno why no one has stolen him from us.

tango

no question – single greatest stage since lemond/hinault and lemond/fignon – landis is godlike – best tour since the 80’s – no question – finally a bike race!!

tango

no question – single greatest stage since lemond/hinault and lemond/fignon – landis is godlike – best tour since the 80’s – no question – finally a bike race!!

Andy

Anthony, hell will freeze over before Schmalz asks me for a bike related tip. Except for wrenching. He’s hopeless at that.

Riis is a skeezy hooker..

"I demand an explanation!!" says the man who immaculately bleach cleans his team’s needles before throwing them away…skeezy morning pastry ho..

schmalz

I think if you read the whole Bjarne quote, he doesn’t sound like he’s calling Floyd out:

Bjarne Riis

Anonymous

Riis su**ks. Maybe he should explain why his team leader is tossed but he still has a job. He knows all about everything except that his team leader goes to Spain to get doped up!

Tourwatcher

Most amazing ride in many years of tour watching! I’m naming my next child ‘Floyd’…..boy or girl. Great commentary Schmaltz.

lee3

This morning it was mentioned by Paul or Phil that Landis had a press conference the evening after his stage implosion. It was determined that he didnt just bonk out. I believe the term "heat stroke" was thrown around. So there’s Riis’ expanation given to’em without difficulty. I guess heat strokes dont kill the legs.

K King- VB

Even if he didn’t mean anything by it he should know better…..casual fans and outsiders will look at that quote and say "yeah, how’d he do that, must be dope"

He’s the DS, CSC waited too long to help Pereiro. 9 minutes! Once Landis caught the 1 st break in such a short time they should have realized the previous day was a fluke and got to it. I think Riis knows it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. He’s just too much of a dick to give Landis credit for a great ride.

Not only that

…..but the great Bjarne Riis would never want to admint he made a mistake by letting Floyd stay out there for so long…..I mean, he is the best DS out there…..he’s just being a sore is loser……woe is you Bjanre..woe is you.

😉

lee3

Yea…with Phonak’s not so squeaky clean past, that statement could be easily taken out of context. He should know better.

Andy

I don’t know if you can call it a mistake. I think everyone expected Floyd to crack a bit more on the last climb. CSC got Voigt and VandeVelde to pull like crazy before the Joux Plane, and Sastre put time into everyone else. Floyd was just too good.

As far as doping insinuations, I’d look at powerhouse teams that are underperforming.

lee3

….especially with the lightning rod French! They’re always lookin for a angle to bring down all things not French!

chris y

"Lemond just emailed Lance a photo of his ass"
all the flow max in the world couldn’t stop me from PISSING MY PANTS!!…when I read that

BOO RACE RADIOS.......HOORAY BEER!

imagine how time floyd would have gotten if the peloton were not allowed to use race radios….

KaliDurga

Did anyone else notice during the OLN extended post-race coverage that Al and Bobke were left speechless once Floyd crossed the finish? A good three minutes went by with nothing but the occasional, sputtered single-word comment. Any rider who can cause dead air time on OLN damned well deserves to win the Tour.

lee3

The radio advantage goes both ways. I’m sure Floyd recvd info on who headed the chasing, the whereabouts of the team car, of Halgand, that spoke issue went pretty smooth, and he got splits just like that useless chase.

Faber

Props to Bobke and Trautwig (For once). Roll for Calling Liggett to the carpet when in response to Trautwig’s entreaty for a glimmer of hope for Floyd Phil said "No Way". Bob said hell yes way!!. As I watched Floyd slice and dice his way down the hill on the way to bridge the breakaway I said to myself it doesn’t get better than this and then Trautwig (like a freak mind reader) says the exact same thing. Al is starting to get the hang of this bike racing thing. The silence was deafening in the final 5k. I kept thinking they were about to go to yet another commercail break that never came. Yeahhhh Beeeer!

RG

Dude, I’ve been reading your Tour posts since last year. The "Who’s your elder?" bit of snarkiness was the best to date. Laugh out loud funny.

Oh, and yeah. This was the freakin’ best stage of any race, anywhere. I was freaking out so bad this morning (California time) it took me almost half an hour to dig my dog out from under my bed. Vive le Landis!!

mikem

faber, i have to grudgingly agree (though i haven’t seen yesterday’s stage yet) that trautwig is improving. i think he called rasmussen’s shot the other day, pre-stage, and has shown a few times that he has more than just a dim glimmer of understanding of what’s going on, finally. the eurosport announcers were speechless yesterday, too–they just ran out of stuff to say. so damn cool!! …and i agree that the "who’s your elder" bit is priceless–put it on the t-shirt with the american gothic picture. perfect.

mandrapa

good quote from that o’grady guy at velonews:

Then, at a press conference on Thursday, after Landis chased down an 11-man breakaway, killed them and ate them, built a new bicycle out of their bones, and roared away in a pillar of fire to win the stage to Morzine and jump back to within 30 seconds of the yellow jersey, he mentioned beer once again.

mandrapa

I also loved the part where you said they should show the tape of the last two stages in classrooms, courtrooms, etc. That was classic

Katie

For whoever asked, the "whose your elder" comment is a parody of "whose your daddy" except using the term for a bishop in a Mennonite church. – so it’s a "Mennonite taunt" for the riders he bested.

Angry Guy

Where is hopeful Friday?! I hate all these doping cheats and liars. When teams are run by ex-pros like Riis, Bruyneel, etc is it any wonder that their riders cheat? No!

Anonymous

I agree 100% – I want Hopeful Friday, the Hangover, and all that is local cycling. Who cares about this years Tour de big steaming pile of shit.

Anonymous

it’s still a great race. these guys getting caught is the sport going through growing pains and cleaning itself up. if you can’t appreciate that or schmaltz’s hilarious commentary, then you’re a dolt

vinophile

I am glad to see Vino continuing with his ill-advised, futile, and most likely final attack. Keep fighting, Vino, mebbe they’ll f-ck up the B sample! Attack!

710

And Bobby Julich aka Sean Penn’s sultry insouciance is almost too much to bear. Ripped straight of the cover of Tiger Beat magazine. He’s staring right through me.

Anonymous

anybody else see casar and the liquigas dude ram into the dog?? that was friggin narly..liquigas fell hard. like really hard.

Anonymous

g.g: do you understand the concept of ‘no spoilers’?
Do not give away the name of winner of the day’s stage.
Yes, that would include leaving a link to a pic of the winner captioned: “XXXX looked pretty banged up, but recovered well to win the stage.”
Fuck you.
Also, are we supposed to be impressed by your knowledge of Salvador Dali/ Luis Bunuel cinematic collaborations?
Because I certainly am not.
Maybe if the winner of the stage were from Andalusia. That would be clever. Titling your post ‘andalusian dog’ would then make sense. But the winner is not from Spain, but from….
Now. See what i did there? I stopped myself from potentially ruining someone’s enjoyment of tonight’s stage.
And again, fuck you.

g.g.

or TiVo, I guess it is. . . the spoiler was inadvertent.
et, l’andalou, c’est le chien, pas le coureur, imbecile. . .
au revior.

Anonymous

I don’t think it matters that it was unintentional; I think a harsh rebuke is a good reminder to be vigilant.

So, Mr Anti-Spoiler, please go flagellate yourself. Because with your yapping and two other posts on this board, I’ll bet you $100 I know who won the stage. And I specifically didn’t pull up that picture in case it spoiled it.

So unless that was some deep meta-ironic $hit, you just did to me what GG did to you.

g.g.

. . .it was an unfortunate disconnect with the world at large. Really didn’t know I was spoiling anything. Andy, Dan, why don’t you pull that post? I don’t want any more love letters from TiVoids.

Rick

How stupid is it to not want to know the winner of a bike race, then go look at a cycling website? Is it really that impossible to not look at NYVC for a few hours?

Anonymous

i wish they would have kept razzy in the tour until this time trial- that would have added some comedy to the tour and we would all get to enjoy schmalz’s snarktastic analysis of this TT skillzz

Comments are closed.