Mystery man impersonates soigneur, kidnaps Rabobank rider.

‘We’re having chicken for dinner tonight!’

Stage 16

July 19, Claire had a little projectile vomit thing going on last night at 5 am, I am in no position to ever criticize someone for vomiting in the wee hours of the morning.

There’s a big hill in the middle of the stage and it seems like today is custom made for a breakaway. Salvatore Commesso caught Flecha at the Fasso port-a-john and has been trailing him ever since.

Here’s my complaint about the Tour coverage we get: the Tour is a 3 week soap opera on wheels, with a mixture of fragile European egos and fanatical supporters, seems perfect for TV, right? Instead TV guys tend to want to write video sonnets about Lance and sunflowers and majestic mountains, while we miss stories like this little gem:

Davitamon-Lotto’s sports director Hendrik Redant commented about the crazy Basque fans:

“At one point, Cadel Evans dropped Zubeldia. He’s Basque. Suddenly he was catching back up to Cadel’s wheel riding 35km/h; he was constantly pushed! I put myself straight on Cadel’s back wheel to strike some fear in those spectators, ’cause otherwise Zubeldia would have been able to get away without problems.

“I think I hit five to six guys, who were jumping in front of the car. Yesterday was bad, but today was just not on!

“I took a lot of risks today driving so close to the people, but it’s the only way to get some space. My horn stopped working during the last two kilometres so that was even more of a problem…one of these days something bad is going to happen.”

Soooo, the fans are basically pushing Zubeldia up the hill so Evans’ DS starts plowing through the crowd, with a horn that no longer works no less! I love this game! This is your lead story! Don’t bury the lead!

And here’s the pre-race coverage, I am watching live today, so no Tivo 3 arrows; I opt for the mute instead.

I see a shot of Frankie A. interviewing Chris C., here’s what I imagine they’re saying:

“So, Chris, will we hear anything from you after Lance retires?”

“I hope so; I’ve already begun hyping George’s chances as a GC rider.”

I’ve got the break rundown from Eurosport’s website. Flecha and Horner are in an 11 man break. No Commesso! Flecha must’ve had a teammate distract him by dropping a ham in the road.

Kashechkin gets whacked in the face by a thunder stick and has to go back to the medical car. The thunder stick is America’s revenge for on the Soccer world for “the wave.” (If indeed, thunder sticks were invented in America – seems like something we’d do.)

Vino attacks, forgetting that it doesn’t matter anymore. Oh, well maybe a nice team will see him and ask him out on a date.

This just in from the too little too late department, Heras attacks. Did he forget this is the last hill in the race?

Cadel Evans is at the front of the race up the hill, collarbone still intact.

Ulrich attacks also. Looking to ride himself into third place. Grodefort calls a press conference to call Jan a ninny, and in his day riders would’ve commit ritual suicide if they suffered the indignity of finishing on the podium so many times. Stay classy, Walter.

The devil runs along Vino and Heras, you can see the devil next week at the grand opening of Uter’s House of Wurst in Baden Baden.

Evans will now battle with his collarbone on the descent.

I’m hoping for more idiot spectators to get the moto run down today.

Lance goes over the top of the mountain with all his challengers – Tour’s over, thanks for coming, everyone.

Lance and Levi are chatting on the downhill; Lance asks “When did you get to the Tour, Levi?”

Now we begin the harrowing descent with Cadel’s collarbone.

Pereiro catches and passes Evans on the descent (almost hitting him); Cadel’s collarbone isn’t going to take that sitting down!

This year’s light brown jersey for “Spanish rider who will bear the soul-crushing expectations of being the next Indurain” goes the Alejandro Valverde, past winners include : Joseba Beloki and Roberto Heras.

You can follow the progress of Cadel’s collarbone live on your mobile phone.

Every team is going to chase Evans to save their precious little placings. I fully expect Lotto to start chasing for Robbie McEwen.

Pereiro looks like he’s riding himself into another heartbreaking second place. Here, Oscar, have this nice red number.

Could this end up being a sprint finish? Thor, anyone? THOR WILL SMASH! It probably won’t be a sprint, I just had to type “THOR WILL SMASH!”

Cadel is riding himself into what might be a temporary 5th place or thereabouts on the GC. He should be able to turn that 5th into a 10th on Saturday’s time trial.

Let’s see which of this front group of the damned will win this race.

I’m hoping Cadel – not Robbie – wins one for Australia today. Don’t think about your collarbone. Don’t think about your collarbone. Don’t think about your collarbone. Don’t think about your collarbone.

We look in live as the rest of the elves in the Keebler tree are cheering their hearts out today for Cadel.

The last 100 meters of the race are brought to you commercial free by Mitchum.

Considering the racers taking part, I expect this finish sprint will look like a pack of drunken monkeys lunging for the line.

2k to go, Evans is at the front driving the pace; he didn’t really want to win a Tour stage, anyway.

Pereiro wins and he will have a pissed off contingent of tree dwellers to contend with. I’d stay away from the fudge stripes, Oscar.

Pereiro was wise enough to sit in on the closing kilos and come around for the win. According to Phonak, this is apparently only a nasty tactic when George Hincapie does it. Feel free to stop popping off at the mouth, Oscar.

Lance interview (my paraphrasing): “Is there some sort of 7-run mercy rule in the Tour like there is in softball? I’ve got to get home to see Avalanche Dogs.”