Stage 15

The Tour has pooped some contenders right out of the old yellow colon. Valverde, Vino and Mayo are gone from GC contention. Evans is looking vulnerable, and Levi has been supplanted by Contador. Note to Spain, lay off the “next Indurain” talk about Contador for about a week, ok? Every time a Spanish guys shows a little promise in a stage race, he gets tagged with the “next Indurain” tag, resulting in soul-crushing pressure. To be the next Indurain is almost impossible, in fact Contador may not even be the next Bahamontes.

52k to go. It looks like we have 5 at the front, and a big group behind that contains Vino. They have about 7 minutes on the pack. I’m trying to not get giddy. He just needs to gain back 34 minutes! That’s possible, right?

It seems that Vino fell yesterday on the final climb, after his teammate tangled with a fan’s flag.

Lots of Rabos getting dropped here. Menchov trying to get across to the break as Razzy radios for him to come back and give him a back rub.

Some words of Razzy love from David Millar on Velonews:

“He started the race knowing what would happen but did nothing to rectify the situation and now we are all screwed, and the Tour is in the shit. He took no notice of warnings from the UCI (cycling’s world governing body) though he deserved to be punished.

“He has either been unprofessional or has used the system.”

We have another member of the “I hate Razzy” club! You get a rubber chicken to stick pins into when you join.

Here’s some more Razzy love from Contador (via Velonews again):

But with less than 500 meters remaining, Rasmussen upped the pace, and a surprised Contador struggled to come around to take the win. In the minutes following the stage, Contador initially told Spanish radio that the pair had made an agreement that would benefit them both.

“We spoke about the stage in the last kilometers. I was surprised at how hard Rasmussen went at the end. I was able to come around at the end to win the sprint,” Contador said, adding sarcastically, “So he is really a man of his word.”

Rasmussen brushed off the notion that the discussion between him and Contador before their duel to the finish line was to arrange who would win the stage.

“No, it was definitely not,” Rasmussen said. “This is the Tour de France, and there are no gifts here. Contador deserved his win.”

So, Razzy allegedly made a deal, and then tried to take the win anyway. I’ll just say it once today. Razzy fever – catch it!

Vino is going for the win today I think. I do like me some Vino. If it wasn’t for a stiff link, he’d be in the mix for the GC win. Once again stiffness is the downfall of an Eastern Bloc leader.

37 k to go. Kirchen off the front and he makes the summit of the HC climb. Vino still at about 7 minutes ahead of the yellow jersey. That mean he’ll only have to make up about 28 minutes or so in the TT. That’s possible, right?

Razzy only has Boogerd left with him. Boogerd grits his teeth, creates a sonic blast, and pretends to like Razzy.

24k to go. How many entire nations do you think want Razzy to fall off the side of the mountain?

I will now interrupt this broadcast to attend a business lunch – I do work, it supports my online dumbassedness…

Back after a hiatus in the business world. I was thinking to myself how little I want Razzy to win the Tour. The thought of his sour face wiggling through the head hole in the yellow jersey like a sunburned naked mole rat in Paris is just such a bummer. He’s killing my enthusiasm for this Tour. I need a little Thor SMASH!

I’d even settle for a Moreau win right now – I’m that desperate!

Time to bring back our “bands” theme from last year, as this stage is getting a little monotonous. Firstly we have the Prog Rock sounds of “The Andreas Kloden Explosion”, and the country good times of “The Evans Family Crapbag Players”, and this year we will add the dissonant sounds of the “Bad Little Stiff Links” featuring Alexandre Vinokourov on electric cowbell.

19k to go. Vino attacks to get to the front group. The Stiff Links turn the amps up to 11 for their anthem, “I like the attacking.”

Vino is attacking, I do love him.

The Christophe Moreau Experience begin their rock opera, “Tenth is the French word for first.”

Popo attacks the yellow pack, badgering the Rabos.

Another Vino attack, dropping Kirchen. The Stiff Links break into “Attacking is like Sexy Time.”

Boogerd grinding the mountain away. Everyone on the front group sweating another Vino attack. This would be much more compelling if Vino were in contention.

Zubeldia attacks, a Saunier counters, Vino attacks and shows them his ass. A sign of Kazakh royalty. Once again, this Tour would be much more fun with Vino in contention, but instead we get the Evans Family Crapbag Players covering “I will follow”.

Hmm, I suppose Razzy needs a band name. Styx is already taken. Maybe something a little “Crap Metal” like Duuche, I just need to figure out how to type an umlaut now. There we go – Düuche it is!

Vino putting a hurt on. Nobody makes Vino cry!

Menchov is dying up this climb, Razzy radios up to call him a putz.

12.5 K to go three guys in speedos in a row. Is that necessary?

Vino climbing though a scrum of numbskulls.

Contador attacks Razzy on the climb. Everyone else dying! Evans. Can’t. Follow. Razzy catches him.

Contador attacks again – take that Chicken! He and Razzy have a gap, and he attacks again! Nice.

Razzy crumpling, but he gets back to Contador – nice to see Razzy suffer. Another attack – take that Chicken! Contador can descend, so it could be Razzy ditch time on the descent.

Contador’s body language says, “I smell cat rectum when I think of you.”

Contador catches Hincapie, time to work the chicken – that sounds dirty!

Düuche starts into “Rock you like a Finch Fart”.

3k to go for Vino, he’s dropping down the hill like a Kazakh kidney stone.

Let’s see if George and Contador can hurt Razzy on the descent.

The Stiff Links begin paying, “Suck it, Poultry Man.”

Vino wins, the Andreas Kloden Explosion get on the bus to head to the Dubuque County Fair.

Razzy descending – Noonen! Noonen!

Razzy sticking to George and Contador, very distressing.

Contador toying with Razzy, jumping off the front. I would say it’s like he’s boxing, but they both weigh less than George Foreman’s coccyx.

Razzy and Contador come to the line, Razzy doesn’t come around.

The Evans Family Crapbag Players begin playing “Same story every year.”