No sooner is Schmalz’s head stitched back on before he’s involved in another mishap.

‘Let me through, I’m a friend of Georgie’s! Don’t you know who I am? I’m in the CRCA!!’

Stage 15

July 17, Emma is back from her Nana’s house and was here last night. I’m covering nights with Claire now – she’s up twice usually once around 1-ish and once around 4-ish – not bad really.

Big break early, George Hincapie is in it, as is Tommy (stop going through my trash) Voeckler. 90-ish k to go and there’s a nice shot of George taking a whiz. Nice skills, George!

I wonder if T-Mobile will have anything left for today’s stage?

We got a background on Lance’s special decals for his bikes from Frankie A., there’s an icon for the trailer park he came from. That last sentence contained no irony whatsoever.

With one week left to go, we only need to see the underside of Lance’s saddle and his spoke nipples.

Brochard and Boogerd are in the break; both have a good chance at winning this one. It’s the mullet vs. the overbite!

CSC is coming to the front to defend their placing on the GC. When you start defending your placing, it’s the beginning of the end for your yellow jersey hopes.

70k to go and the sprinters are just leaving the Village Depart.

There are 4 cat 1 climbs and 1 HC climb today, if Thor doesn’t have one of his testes split, separate and fall off of his body, he will probably get to Paris. OUCH! THOR WILL SMASH!

Kroon suddenly remembers who he is and falls off the front group.

When will we see the “Voeckler’s pained expression while he gets dropped from the front group” face? I bet it will be at 30k to go.

Let me type this in to get it out of the way, Moreau gets dropped from the front of the race.

The other teams are forced to chase because Pereiro is at the front. Johan B. is quoted saying “nyaah, nyaah, boo, boo.”

Teams are trying to shake Razzy if they can. Razzy instinctively reaches for his bar ends.

Leblanc pops out of his Peugot gopher hole and gives a 10 second penalty to the nearest rider because he misses Cipo.

Oscar Sevilla looks at the camera and smiles because he shaved for the first time today.

Beltran enjoys today’s stage from his place in Spain where he’s under house arrest.

As we watch George Hincapie urinating, today’s “Moment of Relief” is brought to you by the DR Chipper.

George (Lance’s lucky rabbit’s foot) Hincapie’s Jalabert-like transformation from sprinter to climber is now completed.

Frankie A. reports that Lance’s Nike jersey and shorts have a special helium layer that make them lighter than air.

Kloden is getting dropped but stubbornly keeps his 2 kilo earring in his ear.

Vino goes to the front and accelerates, did you know there is no word in Vino’s native tongue for “tempo?”

There’s the obligatory “Moreau gets dropped on the mountain” shot. Did you know he’s trademarked that camera angle?

T-Mobile is very glad that their name appears on Vino’s butt in yellow on a light blue background.

Vino, Basso and Lance get a move together to fulfill contractual obligations.

Today’s drunken Dutch fan weaving in the road in front of the race brought to you by Amstel Light.

11 k to go and the break may stay, will George avenge Lance’s Amstel losses at the hands of Boogerd.

Sevilla puts in an attack on the hill to prove his budding manhood.

George is sitting on Boogerd he’s under strict orders to player-hate any moves by Lance’s Amstel nemesis.

Today’s melatonin-free shirtless Germans on the climb brought to you by zinc oxide.

Basso jumps and Lance bridges. Ulrich can now have a nice ride to himself.

Razzy is finding out that the Tour is actually 3 weeks long.

George is sitting on Boogerd mercilessly; payback rears its ugly head.

The CA guys jumps off the front Oscar P. responds, George goes up to Pereiro and it’s those two at the front. George and Pereiro have a chat that goes something like, “Oscar, are you serious?” “Si, George, I don’t like Boogerd either, can you get Disco to sign me? These Phonak jerseys are ridiculous.”

The idiot pushing Pereiro at the front gets run over by the motorbike, Darwin chuckles.

Basso gets a nice Lance caboose, as Lance won’t pull to George. He will elbow Boogerd as he goes by, though.

Sevilla does a mountainside track stand to let Ullrich catch up to him.

George WINS! Proving he’s no Floyd Landis. I now don’t have to hound him to pay me back for the furniture I broke during this year’s second place at Paris Roubaix.

I would’ve put George’s chances at winning today somewhere between “absolutely none” and “the harbinger of the apocalypse.”

Lance and Basso finish while Ullrich tries to grab Sevilla’s seatpost with his teeth.

I will now celebrate George’s win in my own old school “Warriors” NYC way by overturning my own car and setting it afire.

George gets to shower before Lance for the first time in Tour history.