Schmalz thinks those new glasses make Floyd look dreamy.

Schmalz is SO over Thomas Voekler.

Stage 14

July 15, 2005 I would have to say that I’ve (in Chris Carmichael terms) “detrained.” I haven’t been in the bike in a week, but I do have the Cannnondale built up.

Hilly day today, Disco will be doing a 150k leadout to the final climb. There will be a lot of Spanish fans along the road as we are in the Pyrenees. They will be pushing Mayo up the hills as he passes in the autobus.

Garzelli is in the early break, I was wondering when he was going to show. His number ends in “1”, indicating he is the designated team leader, just so we know.

Horner’s new pen pal Carlos Da Cruz is in the break looking for a tow to the line.

T-Mobile is pushing the pace to show they are as tough as the color of their jerseys.

Which Vino will we get today? Oh wait, there he is off the front, in the spirit of teamwork, Ullrich takes Armstrong up to Vino.

Paul just said T-Mobile has raised the pink flag, which sounds like something that would happen in a red light’s district.

Vino jumps and Basso counters. Moreau joins them, Lance lets them off the front. There’s a group of four at the front with Ullrich in it. If this was 2004, this would be trouble, but we must bear in mind that these guys are not really contenders as far as GC time goes. Lance is with Rassy and Mancebo, his threats in the GC, waiting for them to defend their placings – they don’t. So he just jumps over, game over for the “super-break.”

Cadel is in the front thinking about attacking, just thinking about it. His collarbone say “go for it on the descent!”

Garzelli looks like he’s passing a stone on the bike.

Basso is driving at the front. Lance is riding past all the others and giving them the once-over. He must be very intimidated by Moreau’s presence.

Razzy is kinda getting dropped. First rule of bike club, never pop off at the mouth about Lance.

Lance is getting towed to the finish as Basso rides for time to hurt Razzy and Mancebo.

Vino is blowing up like a bank-giveaway balloon.

Lance is in the front with Basso, the one Italian that actually likes him – not enough to ride for his team, mind you.

Razzy is desperately looking for his third chainring.

Floyd is in the front group, Levi has caught the group also, USA, USA, USA.

Razzy and Evans form a mountain biker’s support group off the break.

Two T-Mobiles and no Discos in the front or chasing group, Lance will be very understanding about that, I bet.

Lance rolls to the front to show the familiar view of his ass.

Moreau is dropped from the front group; I actually expected to type that earlier. So, that’s a positive, right?

Totschig is leading the race, by the way.

Vino has to beat his supporters off of him.

Let’s see if anyone catches back on the descent. I always like seeing Ullrich and his shaky descending skills. I can’t imagine Lance getting behind Jan on any corners.

Lance is hanging off the back in case there are any “Beloki corners” or “Ullrich bush checks.”

I hope Floyd wins, but Lance may still be pissed at him for furthering his career.

Vino is getting back to the front chase, where he will break his team radio in two and attack Ullrich.

Vino is getting back; he just has to pass the Disco car. He has to watch out in case Johann flicks him.

Lance is isolated at the front, but then of course, so is everyone else except T-Mobile. And they will work in a coordinated manner. Bwahhh-ha-ha-ha. Three leaders – nice strategy.

Razzy has caught back on through the generosity of the front group.

Vino jumps, I love that guy! But his light blue kit is painfully revealing.

Kloden and Ullrch at the front chasing Vino, Vino begins mentally writing his resume.

Vino is getting popped, when in doubt, attack.

Razzy gets gapped again and wonder if there is a secret dirt path up the mountain he can use.

It doesn’t look good for Levi and Floyd at the back of the group.

Remember Totschig? Yeah, he’s probably going to win this stage. I forget if Garzelli is still out there also.

Lance looks like he’s getting annoyed; his new lieutenants Ivan and Jan pick up the pace.

They pass Garzelli, who hasn’t passed that stone yet.

Razzy is trying to catch back on to save his second place on GC.

Totschig looks like he’s feeling the contractions.

Do you think Basso will throw a huge retirement party for Lance?

There’s a drunk Colombian at the front of the chase.

Totschig is dilated to 5cm.

Ullrich is getting dropped; East Germany would weep if they had decent TV reception.

Totschig can see the head. One big push and it’s out!

Lance gaps Basso at the finish to piss on any open wounds,

Razzy finishes with Mancebo. Razzy is still in second place on GC, he calls home to have his TT bike shipped to him.

Vino finally finishes, and will enjoy the deathly, grim silence at the T-Mobile dinner table tonight. Why won’t Jan pass the pasta?