Stage 12

Tour day schmalz index here

Happy Bastille Day, everyone! Today is the day when the Tour organizer created a stage that ensures France’s best chance at a win. It’s a rolling course that favors a break as everyone is tuckered out after the mountains. Notice it’s not a sprint stage or a mountain stage.

So let’s see who’s bitching today:

MAYO’S ANGER AT THE CAMERA

Euskaltel team leader Iban Mayo showed his anger at a cameraman tracking his progress on Thursday afternoon as the Spaniard was unable to keep pace with the peloton.

Apparently unwilling to be filmed abandoning the race, Mayo instructed the cameraman tracking his progress to continue up the road, before eventually stepping down off his bike. The 29 year-old has been suffering from a sore throat for the last couple of days, reportedly brought on by air conditioning in his hotel room.

Kloden

What was your impression of the other favourites? “The ones in front of me were stronger.”

How do you feel now? “Exhausted.”

Boner Bitching:

“I’ve been riding on my bike for seven hours, I’ve climbed five cols; tomorrow, there’s a stage of 212 kilometers, and after that, a stage of 230 kilometers… I think that’s just great,” he said sarcastically.

“This is scandalous, it’s over the top. They are just shouting that they want to fight against doping, but then they give us a program like this,” said Boonen, referring to either the UCI or Tour organizers ASO, or perhaps both.

That’s good fun.

Uh oh, a Tyler piece coming up. Let’s see where we land on this one. OK, we learned nothing except Tyler and Haven can speak well on TV. If I were advising them I would tell them to lay low as the heads of WADA and UCI get very prissy about things like this. If they are telling the truth, they could get stomped; if they are not being truthful, they are both reptiles. Man, do I sound like Lemond there.

Salvodelli out after he hit a spectator coming off the mountain yesterday.

A move off with Popo, Freire, Ballan and, for France, Christophe Le Mevel.

They have about 2 minutes or so. George tried a move earlier also to no avail.

Floyd interview. I wonder what will happen when Lance comes to the Tour? Will he and Floyd awkwardly shake hands? Will they do a Euro “kiss on each cheek thing?” Will Leblanc jump out of the bushes and scream “gotcha!” as he puts handcuffs on Lance?

Freire going for green jersey points. Davitamon informs the Pimpernel that the Collarbone has won the battle for Australia.

As of now, due to the striking resemblance, Mr. Boogerd will be playing the part of Napoleon Dyno-“mike”-el Boogerd. Lucky!

Menchov totally got, like, 3 feet of air!

Dyno-mike is quoted as saying, “Menchov totally, got, like, 3 feet of air yesterday.” See how easy that is? Try along at home.

In another sure sign of the end coming, they are televising a comic book convention. Paunchy, middle-aged virgins rejoice!

Dyno-mike interviewed about his bike, “It’s got everything, pegs, shocks. Sweet!”

I would think my favorite Bastille Day win was Jaja in 2001 – least favorite, Virenque. In fact my least favorite everything French is Virenque, really.

The next three stages will be a Toto watch, rolling stages with breakaway opportunities. Let the Toto roam free!

Davitamon going to the front, Pimpernel trumps Collarbone.

I want to spend more time fishing, but I spend too much time in the bathroom, who can I turn to?

Boogerd next to Axel, “Gimmie your tots!”

Lance on Bastille Day – the French like it. He holds back from calling them a country full of poodle-walkers.

Freire takes the sprint points, moving ahead of the Boner. The final points are what he really needs. I’m hoping for another display of skillz like from the Tour of Switzerland. If he table-tops over the finish line, Thor is kicked to the curb. SMASH!

Phonak at the front to make it look like they’re trying, their DS is working the phones for help like a NPR volunteer. He’s offering tote bags!

Gap at 4:10 Popo moving up the GC. Phonak upping their offer to a tote bag and an umbrella, but Bruyneel wants Terry Gross to leave a dirty message on his voicemail.

The break has a tailwind, so that’s a good sign.

Voeckler popped – maybe a flat, maybe he’s French.

Obligatory shot of horse riders along the race, does it make me a bad person if I hope to see those guys fall off when I see the coverage?

What are the bookies saying about which year Lance runs for public office? 2014?

Levi profile – let’s spin the wheel to see when my bad day happens, shall we?

Popo is now 9th on the road – the big news being he would drop Moreau to tenth.

13K-ish to go nothing has changed. Nice move today by Freire. Let’s wait for the doomed move by Le Mevel. No way they drop Freire.

This is going to be a fun finish. Freire will have his hands full.

Robbie ad Floyd chatting, sharing feelings, talking about decreased urine flow.

Popo attacks, Ballan chasing. Popo apparently heard from Johan about the email from Lance that said, “Win something or you’re all fired!”

Le Mevel popped, France weeps as she clutches her signed Virenque photo that says, “Stay sweet.”

Popo goes again, Freire holding on.

Another Popo jump, getting a little repetitive. Ballan chasing, Freire chuckling into his microphone.

Repeat the above.

Popo gaining ground. Freire needs to jump soon if he wants to win. So if Popo wins, Bruyneel gets the credit?

Freire chatting with Ballan as he goes to the front to chase. “I just need the green points, sorry about that, here, enjoy second place.”

Popo’s going to win. He zips, crosses himself and radios for a raise.

Popo right into the camper, where a fax from Lance says, “only 4 minutes?”

Bunch finishing, field sprint to Boonen. That should get the Boner back up.

Thor 10th not so SMASH-y.