Tour day schmalz stage 11

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Stage 11

Tour day schmalz index here

We’re eleven stages into the race and this will be the third day that matters GC-wise. It’s been sprinter-a-go-go so far, and while I like watching the finishes; the stages leading up have been brutally repetitive.

Tourmalet today plus four category one bumps, with an uphill finish on Pla-de-Beret – where I’m just going to go ahead and assume the hats were invented.

It’s 6:30 in the goddamn morning, I’m assuming we’re up early to get the whole of the Tourmalet climb, and from there it’ll be watching a break off of the front for the rest of the stage with GC contenders popping off of the back then the sprint up the Beret. Just a guess.

Sir, you are in serious meat debt, you must eat!!

Lance on the Tourmalet – he didn’t like it and he likes anger. Speaking of anger, where’s Greg Lemond lately?

Mayo’s explanation for stinking up the race yesterday:

“I suffered a bit with a sore throat,” he was quoted by Sportwereld as saying. “The fault of the aircon in the hotel. But that can’t be called an excuse. In the beginning of the stage, I felt good, but when it went uphill I couldn’t go. Why? No idea. The only thing left in this Tour is to hope for a recovery in the Alps. so that I can at least do something there.”

There you have it – air conditioning. You can bet that Mayo’s roommate wanted to kill him last night as they lay in the room together sweating.

At the start Levi hands his hat to Briske, and Briske looks like he’s rather wipe his ass with it than take it. Levi practices his lifts and jumps.

Four away – Flecha! Finally, the Tour has returned to normal. See – Mayo is drifting off the back with his earpiece out. Thor is ahead of him on the road SMASH! Never a good sign for a climber.

Here’s the Tourmalet. Dessel could have Moreau riding for him today since he has the yellow. I imagine Moreau sulking like a teenager at the prospect of defending the jersey for Dessel.

Looks like a countdown to Mayo’s tearful retreat.

Floyd has one teammate with him – Robbie Hunter. Um, that’s it? A sprinter?

Mayo is getting a pep talk at the car. They promise him another earring if he finishes. We’ve got a “vulture cam” on Mayo, waiting for the surrender. Mayo indicates he would like the camera to go away. I can’t blame him, I don’t think that I would like my professional failures televised. For instance, I don’t think the people I work with would want to know how often I’m on the can when I’m on the telephone.

Thor SMASH humping a steak on the climb.

Floyd still has one teammate around, but he decides to follow Ag2r’s pace instead. An Moos has been popped also.

Wegmann doing a lot of work at the front, the rest not so much. That isn’t like Flecha, perhaps he’s waiting for Commesso?

Pretty much the entire Liquigas team in the grupetto. I suppose that team competition isn’t so important to them.

Do the Basque fans and the Dutch fans have “Jets and Sharks” type dance fights over who gets to wear orange?

Still just Robbie Hunter at the front with Floyd, I would contend that this is not a good sign.

Salvodelli getting dropped because of Ag2r’s pace? Big old shot of Commesso suffering. It’s a hot day and the guns stay in the holsters. My world is turned upside down. De Groot is going to have to fly the guns to compensate – thank God he has a mullet.

Ag2r dropping guys – the world has gone mad!

Briske popping. A lot of guys are hoping to catch back on the descent.

Prudhomme is now the prairie dog on the road, no Peugeot for him, it’s a Skoda. Which is not born from jets.

Ag2r pushing, if Moreau and his team take control of the race, our teleportation to bizarrro world will be complete.

Almost to the top of the Tourmalet, we will see who can catch on the descent. Toto attaching himself to Salvodelli as we speak.

De La Fuente might have got the polka dot points. Voeckler takes the sprint points from Razzy from the pack.

Gonchar takes an illegal water bottle on the hill and then drops it – karma.

The descent is where we will see if Evans’ collarbone will survive the race. Wait that correspondent guy’s name is Greg Hummer? How have I missed that? We go to the Hummer? That’s smart ass gold!

Incomplete emptying – need I say more?

The break dropped the Euskaltel guy. Voeckler trying to bridge because he had hair and make-up done before the stage.

Popo pofile – is he really still that young? He’s 26, time to start racing I would think…

The Tourmalet just served to drop anyone who’s got the runs or a sore throat.

Rich Hincapie reports that George is at 158 lbs for the Tour– he’s 6’3”. Insert “Commesso is a large man” remark here.

Ag2r still pushing. Floyd on Moreau’s wheel – not breathing hard. Can Ag2r hold this pace for a week? Can Ag2r hold this pace for a stage?

Karpets – another Russian mullet. Russia – it’s like a time machine back to the age of crap rock, or like an OLN spot – “just take your best shot.”

Everybody getting back together. Voeckler still trying to get across and get on camera.

We’re on the second hill, looking for the poppers. Where’s Mayo? Did he punch the cameraman? I would imagine his punch to be like that of Nicole Richie.

I would say that if Voeckler can bridge to the break, they have no hope.

Wegmann gets the points, should he be leading the ice dancers?

Does all of France really adore Voeckler? What about Brittany? What about Christina?

Boogerd leading out Razzy – insert Boogerd equine tooth reference here.

Voeckler still trying to catch, I think France has moved on.

Due to their surge in popularity, STYX is pleased to announce that they will be playing the Dubuque County Fair on August 18th. They also sent an email to REO Speedwagon with a subject line that read “bite us”! STYX is back! Dennis DeYoung just got a fresh perm.

Zabel catching back on at the feed zone, dodging Toto’s bag full of bacon.

We now interrupt this stage to attend a one year check-up for Claire.

Just got back after about an hour, here’s my guess as to what happened: break caught, Ag2r still pushing, about 30 guys left at the front, Mayo abandons, the rest of the field waiting for the last hill, Toto eating.

Looks like Cunego has attacked to try and get up to De La Fuente, and George is losing time on the climb, farewell chances…

Rabos chasing, Levi still at the front, as is Koden. Azevedo is still at the front, welcome back to carrying bottles, George.

Just waiting for the final hill now. 26K to go looks like Cunego has got to the front with Arroyo.

They have about 1 minute, that might not hold.

It doesn’t – they are all back together. Mayo is in the wagon. Ding! I got one right.

Tomorrow is Bastille Day meaning that there will be a rolling route with about 200 French attacks. Voeckler has his outfit picked out already.

Floyd is teammate-free, that’s got to be soothing with the Alps coming.

Simoni is back at the front, claiming that Landis offered him $40 to get him a water bottle.

Razzy off the front group, Boogerd popping riders for Menchov. Floyd and Levi still at the front with Kloden and Evans still in it.

10K to go Moreau is cracking – restoring balance to the universe.

Azevedo getting dropped, eliminating the Discos. Floyd will get yellow depending on the gaps. His teammates will not know until they finish tomorrow.

Seven up front 7K to go. Mercado pulling Dessel behind – payback?

Kloden looking ok, his explosion is due for the Alps. Levi at the front – does he have another bad day in him?

Menchov attacks, Kloden dropping, his explosion coming early?

Levi attacks, pulled back. There’s a mushroom cloud above Kloden’s back.

Obligatory shot of Moreau suffering.

Leaders bobbing and weaving. Dessel Voeckler-ing his heart out. It might be better for Floyd to have him keep the jersey.

Floyd pushing at the front, he could get yellow.

Levi’s TT craptacular haunting him now.

Obligatory shot of Moreau suffering. (I’ve gone cut and paste with that phrase.)

Everyone at the front has GC ambitions except Levi, so it would make sense that Levi could win the stage as no one cares if he gains any time. Levi fever – catch it!

Levi jumps followed by Floyd and Menchov – did Menchov get the Russian memo about the mullets?

Floyd looking a little bad ass-y today.

Downhill finish, why are they bothering with these downhill finishes? Menchov goes early and holds on for the win. Levi second. That may have been his best chance at this year’s Tour. Thanks for coming!

Kloden loses about 1:30. Moreau sprinting in to defend tenth.

Dessel trying to become the new Voeckler, but to no avail. Stop the carving on the ice sculpture! Send the life size cheese replica back. No livestock for you either, Mr. Dessel.

41 Comments

Thor Will Indeed Smash (So it seems)

From Cyclingnews.com:

One rider who won’t be going for the win today is Tom Boonen (Quick.Step). The green jersey won’t start today’s stage as a result of injuries sustained in a crash on the descent from Courchevel yesterday. That means Thor Hushovd is the new leader of the green jersey competition.

sixpence

What he said: “If you try to win, you might lose. If you don’t try to win you will lose for sure.

Mini-Thor

Only two Norwegians in the Tour, and both of them now has a stage win.
I knew Arvesen was on form when he won the National Champs one week before the Tour. Only 8 of 148 riders finished the race. Halfway, with most of the field already dropped, KAA was asked how he was feeling, and he said he didn’t know because he hadn’t tested his legs yet.
Keep SMASHING!

Anonymous

Riccardo Ricco!! Dirtbag and Doper!!
Who’s next? How long before one of Vaughter’s boys get’s popped?

Plus ca change, plus ce la mem chose.

Justin

Wonder if OLN will still claim Bryneel is the best DS "bar none" now ?

19mph av. speed as well – adds credence to the theory that this is the cleanest Tour since…….pre-War years ?

Baldwin

Panic and paralyzed chaos and no decisive moves until the switchbacks with less than 10k to go. Boogerd suffered the most of anybody, and his recovery is guaranteed because of the calcium deposits in his teeth. Leipheimer made a funny face at the finish line, as if he were recalculating his endorsement value out loud.

Anonymous

post puerto – about half the field had a bad day. 10+ mins back: cunego, razzy, VDV, 20+ mins back: hincapie, salvodelli, moncoutie, pereiro, garzelli, martinez, 30 + mins back – chavanel, gonchar, 40+ mins back: popo, rujano, briskie, chechu, horner

did they all eat the same bad fish?

lee3

They all slept with the ac blasting the night before!

Boy…the Hincapie campaign sure did go down the pooper pretty quick. This is what happens to a guy that rides the wheel of a climber all day on the toughest mtn stage in the 05′ tour and then snatches the victory with a clean conscience – all of a sudden he’s a climber …yea right!
Levi will have to have a few more days of days like this to get back in this thing. I wont scratch’em off the list just yet. There’s still a little fight in the dog.

lee3

Big brewhaahaa stirring up over race radios. I for one am all for keeping them for all team members. Riders still react to breaks forming without radio assistance. The instincts are still there. I’d rather see radios as opposed to 4 to 5 team cars trying to get to the front to help thier respected riders with ill regard to spectator or rider safety. Hey I think we’ve got ourselves an NYVC poll on our hands.

schmalz

I would dispose of the radios altogether, but I think the one radio per team is a good compromise. This talk of safety is a load of bunk to a great degree, the DSs come barging up in their cars anyway. Did we forget the Davitamon DS knocking Basque spectators out of the way with his car last year?

The problem is the radios make for boring racing that takes the initiative away from the racers. It kills breakaways. Plus, the directors conspire together via cellphone. Everyone knows the racers are supposed to offer the cash!

lee3

The blackboard moto gives time splits so how does it kill break-aways? The field can still time the catch in the same way without radios. Knowing who’s in the break would be no secret either. What about crashes or flat tire needs? Things would be much smoother in that regard with free flowing info. If one has a strong team or if all the teams are strong, radios dont hinder performance and shouldnt be a big deal. DS types can still control the races and strike deals radios or not, no?

dr fuentes

two things: if floyd wins it will be the greatest achievement in any sport. a hip replacement due in two weeks and a team so bad I may be offered a contract. merckx was at 4:45 but not involved when needed, the entire rest of the team was over 26 minutes back. that’s championship material.

finally the hincapie bullshit can be put to rest. look, he never won shit when he was a sprinter. as a routier he won a semi-classic. somehow he is supposed to be a tour rider without having won any stage race (3 days of de panne does not count). I cannot believe boonen hasn’t laughed out loud when people ask him if he wants to morph himself like hincapie. great rider, no doubt, but lets be real about it – his achievements rank him in about the 30th percentile of pro racers in history, being generous. I like him and hope he wins some big races, but he is not a tour winner and never looked like one at any time.

schmalz

Lee3 – check for gas leaks in your room. In a breakaway situation every moment is precious. The time it takes for Race radio to get the split to the chalk guy and then to the riders could be minutes. Time for the break to get away or stay away. Also, guys lose track of each other all the time – there’s 180 or so guys in the race, radios just keep the un-vigilant in the race when they should be getting dropped.

The problem is that DSs get their calculators out and gently murmur to the riders exactly how many KPH it’ll take to catch the break, when it should be the rider’s duty to do this. Plus, the agreements to chase together are made by the directors now. Who do you want controlling the race? The racers or the tubby fellow in the team car? I want intelligence and race savvy to be a part of a Tour winner’s make up, instead of the ability to say "ok" to race director’s orders.

As far as crashes and flats go, if it’s the race leader, wouldn’t his guys be around him anyway? If it’s a support rider, it’s not like they would get any help anyway.

The radios are choking the initiative out of races and racers – period. Jacky Durand practically fumes when he hears about them. Do you remember him? Was he not one of the more entertaining members of the peloton? He wouldn’t stand a chance today.

lee3

Ok so you give one guy from each team a wire as you’ve suggested that you could live with. The tour still has the live video tap within the every team car upon which vital info is being shared by all. Do they ban this as well? Info that could be sent to the lone holder of the rider with a wire. You mind as well give’em all wires. If you dont have the legs you dont have the legs. Lone breakaways still happen. Having the instinct to know which stage lends itself to that condition has nothing to do with radios and there are certain conditions that make moves stick. Look at all of the successful lone breaks within the last 5 years and see what they have in common. There is a common factor.
These guys do a lot more thinking than you give them credit for. The directors definitely make the deals on working together and such but a lot of that deal striking goes down on the road with the racers as well ie friendships or favors from past races or whatever. There will come a day when GPS will make its way onto every bike (that new garmin) showing the time and position of the yellow jersey or any rider relevant to anothers position on GC just a button push away!

schmalz

GPS on every bike! Let’s make the entre thing into just a quasi-team TT! Maybe even little screens that show where everybody is on the course for every rider. So they can go faster or slower accordingly. No chances for any sneak attacks or anything.

Zzzzzzzz…. Without the chaos of not knowing who is away and by how much, these races will be dead boring, with no one taking chances.

I would say in the last 5 years the amount of lone breaks are waaaaaay down. Especially in the first week – where they have practically disappeared. Think of the classic stages of the past: Ciapucchi’s attack that nearly stole the race, even Pantani’s swipe at Armstrong. Those were not radio inspired. For the record I am also against the DH, I would like quarterbacks to call their own plays, and Van Halen should be forced to perform with David Lee Roth, I don’t care how big a dick he is…

adm

Schmaltz – – your writing is the only thing entertaining about this year’s race. Don’t stop. Please.

K King - VB

Love this quote after stage 11

Gert Steegmans (Davitamon, 160th at 44’20)

"I’m completely f***ed up. Even the speed of the bus was almost too fast for me."

Faber

Now playing on cable at the Luchon Days Inn – "The Last Days of Disco"

What are the chances Lance shows up to help cheer on the team in the Alps – Zero unless he pulls a Steinbrenner and yanks Johan.

Lastly – Where can I go to get a bitchin’ dead hip?

Baldwin

Boonen was complaining about the length and severity of the stages, saying that it makes doping an attractive remedy. And Voeckler said something like "I would have finished in the lead group instead of 33 minutes back if I hadn’t attacked like a complete glory-hog on the first Col and just stayed in the wheels. But it felt good to relive my two-years gone glory in the Pyrenees." I think he might have the same performance incentives in his endorsement contract as Leipheimer.

Anonymous

No schmalz snark about the “Bob Roll as a young bike-throwing punk” footage? That was awesome!

schmalz

Might’ve missed that – was it on the “Enhanced coverage”? I don’t watch the enhanced coverage

Anonymous

Astana jumped as they turned and the wind changed. That is when to do it. That Moreau was at the back probably had little to do with the timing. Once they realized they dropped him, then continue on. But, make no mistake, Vino is doping.

Anonymous

I was in Italy this past week riding around. Met a owner of a local bike shop who was a local pro/champion.

I was asking him of his opinion about various riders and the doping matters…as I went down the list of suspects and idol riders, I asked him “How about Tom Boonen, what do you think?”…He smiled, proceeded to gesture pumping a gloor pump, shook his head and said “ah, (he is a)POMPA!”(like he pumps dope-in)…From now on, I am going to call him “Pompa” not “Boner”

Captain Ed

Maybe Vino felt they beat up on him a bit after his crash and subsequent injuries, time to exact a pound of flesh and put some time on a rival. Not sure how smart it was, I’m thinking that maybe Kloden should be saving it for the time trial where he has a real opportunity to crush Razzy.

Chris M

I heard conflicting reports on where Moreau was when Astana jumped. At one point I heard he was “visiting the medical car” and at another point they said he had returned to the field, but was clearly on the back. I didnt see any actual footage of him returning to the field, but he was clearly riding with a back group when the split ocurred, or at least immediately after. Not sure, but sounds like they certainly jumped with him on back. I gather they jumped when he was nearly through the cars, likely with a nicely timed radio call from the Astana team car to point out that fact…VERY smart racing, to take advantage of the crosswind at such a perfect time, but also a great case against radios for the purists. Frankly not sure where I stand on this…

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