Now with photos! Thanks to Chris Patterson for use of his shots (all but the Simoni potty shot). Visit Chris’ site for many more ToC shots.

Tour de cali-schmalz: prologue

Backstory: I am really, really anxious for the racing season to begin (there’s only so much roller riding you can do), so in order to try and bring it on. I’m going to journal along with the Amgen Tour of California. Why should domestic teams and racers be exempt? They shouldn’t -that’s what I say! Plus, I’m up anyway.

And yes, I know that the TdC is sponsored by the makers of EPO, that tidbit’s been flogged to death. I’m a hack, but not that big of a hack! I’m saving those pithy comments until I run out of ideas on stage 7 or so.

Dear reader – picture in your mind the cozy living room of the Schmalz compound in NJ, with a bowl of Quaker 100% natural cereal and I’m up at 6 to see the race before work. Because the only time deemed worthy of bike racing on ESPN is 1am – on the “deuce” no less, I suppose billiards is tough to bump out of its spot! But I have TIVO – sweet, sweet TIVO – if you reader my TDF entries – you know about my man crush on my TIVO.

Coverage just started, and thank God we have the capable team of Bob Roll and Paul Sherwin. Here’s a bonus fact – how does Paul Sherwin know where he is currently? He looks down at the embroidery on his chest – simple!

@##=#<1,L>@##=#*We interrupt these proceeding for the ahem, morning constitutional*

Today’s prologue is 1.9 miles, shorter than the sign in line at the TDF.

So far so good graphics and camera image quality is good and there’s Google Earth images – can we get a Bob Roll cam? Just askin.

I love Google Earth, how else can you spy on your neighbors? Um, no terrorists know about that do they? I won’t tell them if you won’t.

Mark McCormack is set to start, in Mark’s day; they didn’t have small chainrings, so he just doesn’t use one.

Whoa, the moto camera operator seems drunk. Oh, he must’ve just had a small seizure.

It’s official. I’ve just now seen McCormack more on TV in the last 30 seconds, than I have the entire rest of his career. Which is ironic, because his career predates TV. Well, it seems we have a winner in the “schmalz fixates on someone’s age” category. Jaan Kirsipu has been supplanted by Mr. Mark McCormack. Sorry, Mark, don’t swing at me when you see me…

Which reminds me, I have a good chance of running into some of these guys since they’re based in the US. Perhaps I should hold back a little? Screw it – I’ll just have my head on a swivel if I get back to Vegas.

They have McCormack’s HR it’s 178. Insert funny line here.

People are dressed very warmly – it must be 50 degrees. Poor Californians!

Uh, oh Cancellara just started, thanks for coming everyone!

I think Zabriske has a good chance. Everyone thinks he’s the guy to beat. I just want him to lead so they have to interview him. Good times. “David, how did you win that stage?” “Well, I pedaled faster than everyone else.” TV gold!

Cancellara just put up fast time, I am just shocked!

In one of the most annoying developments of the last 5 years, the ESPN2 crawl at the bottom of the screen might have just announced the winner of the stage before the coverage completed. ESPN, why do you hate us?

Danielson just started, Bob Roll just said he can personally say that Tom is on his bike everyday and that the restraining order is now down to 50 feet.

Jen Voigt joins the big gear club. Knees are for July!

Danielson is finishing and, did he forget a TT bike?

OK, I looked at the crawl and it announced that coverage will continue tomorrow at 2am. I’m not sure which is more annoying – that they don’t think it worthy of posting the lead, or that they have the stones to say, “be sure to tune in tomorrow at 2AM!!”

Here goes Stuey O’Grady. WAIT!! Robbie McEwen just jumped onto the ramp and gave him a head butt!!

Stuey just said something, but I missed it because Claire’s up. You know you’re up early for a bike race when your 7 month daughter isn’t up yet.

Hey, someone’s actually spray painted something on the road! They are safely incarcerated now, so you can rest assured.

@##=#<2,r>@##=#I forgot how dull a prologue can be.

Bobby Julich is about to start. He has his oval chainrings on, so you know, watch out.

There’s Chris Horner, it’s nice to see him at a race he didn’t have to sell plasma to get to.

At the start, Salvodelli looks like he has Ekimov’s helmet on, or he’s a little hung over?

Julich comes in under 5 minutes, the ovals are for real, suckers!

Salvodelli is finishing, so he can now go to the mall and buy 45 ipods for his extended family.

Floyd is starting. Good to see the Phonak helmets are still ugly. Floyd’s position on the saddle looks – harrowing.

Chris Baldwin is on the course on his Cervelo. Yes, I said Cervelo. Didn’t even bother to tape over the logos. That’s all I have to say about that.

It’s 47 minutes in and we have our first Lance reference – not bad.

Hincapie is now finishing, we saw nothing of his run except the finish. He’s 2nd by the way.

Saul Raisin has a nice camel back goiter going on.

Levi is in the lead by a bunch! His skinsuit makes him look like an ice dancer. Just sayin.

Simoni is coming in; I would say he has no chance.

@##=#<3,L>@##=#Ok, why’s there an angel taking pictures with George?

Where’s Zabriske?

Rogers finishes, once again did I miss Zabriske?

Briske’s fifth, did they even show him? Levi shakes Arnold’s hand. How far do you think Arnold could toss Levi? 25 feet?

Leader’ jersey is gold – that matches everything!