We have our first high mountain stage today, as the Tour enters the
Pyrenees. There are four cat 4 climbs, a cat 3 climb then a pair of cat
1 climbs at the end. There’s no hilltop finish, so potentially racers
can get back on during the 26 k descent to the finish. Today won’t win
the Tour, but someone could definitely lose the Tour today – are you
listening Cunego? We will also get to see if guys are willing to attack
today to get time. Will Cadel attack? Will hamsters join together to
form a parliamentary system of government?

This from Rider representative Cedric Vasseur (via cyclingnews):

"The
only thing we know right now is that the A-sample is positive," Vasseur
said. "It’s not bad that Beltran left the Tour de France, but before we
consider him guilty, we should await the analysis of the B-sample. If
it is positive as well, then it’s a pity for the guy. Then he will have
to give an explanation."

He
is exactly right about the whole “leak the A sample results to the
newspapers” thing – can we somehow get the agencies involved in the
testing to just follow their own protocols? Is that so hard? Can they
just wait for the B sample? It’s like they are a pack of caffeinated
thirteen-year-old girls with a really big secret they just can’t hold
in any longer! And I am really surprised to be agreeing with Cedric
Vasseur.

After
yesterday’s stage, I think there is no doubt as to who has the fastest
closing speed in the peloton right now. Cavendish is at a point right
now where no one can compare to his jump, he beat Thor SMASH in a drag
race for his first win, and yesterday he flew around Freire at the
finish. That sound you hear is McEwen’s asking price from Tinkov
dropping precipitously.

Phil and Paul in the hostage booth, the Red Cross reports that they appear to be well fed.

115
k to go. We are into the coverage, and we have three away, baby Jaja is
off the front, earning bus petrol money for Agritubel.

Euskaltel is on the front of the race, a sight as rare as seeing a sasquatch on a porto-sans.

Jaja the Minor wins the second sprint, earning extra porridge for the team tonight.

107 k to go. Looks like Cadel has had a crash and a bike change. Which moto driver will he blame for this one?

105
k to go. Cadel almost back in the race. He has an unusual rip in the
back of his jersey. Perhaps from Robbie kicking him while he was down?

Here’s Robbie talking to VDV – look like he’s hoping to hang in today.

102 to go. Euskaltel still at the front – sasquatch opening his newspaper.

Some
footage of a Pyrenean vulture circling, Paul explain that Caisse d’
Bird Droppings have to shoo those birds away from Valverde with long
pike-like sticks.

90-isk k to go. Dumoulin jumps off the front, and the pack strings out like a Winehouse family Christmas special.

We’re getting wattage data from Lang at the front. He’s at 244 on the back and at around 280 when he’s on the front.

We’re
back from commercial, and we get a shot of George – as Phil put it –
stretching. Hmmm, why is he twisted to one side and why would his
teammate be pushing him? We lose that shot and the public will not be
able to gauge George’s state of prostate health.

80
k to go. Cadel is getting medical attention, Phil mentions a fact
that’s an oldie but a goodie – that Cadel has broken his collarbone 7
times. Perhaps it’s time to bring back the jokes about Cadel’s
collarbone being a ticking time bomb. Cadel returns to the race, slaps
a moto driver out of habit.

75 k to go. Not to be outdone, Valverde, drops back for some medical car hang time.

Lang doing 295 watts at a HR of 140 – proving that I will never, ever do the Tour. Not that anyone was calling anyway.

70 k to go, Euskaltel still setting the pace. Sasquatch just getting to the travel section of the paper.

Here’s
a Sastre profile – he talks about how much he liked Benny Goodman and
how this rock and roll stuff will never catch on. Jens says that they
will all be working for Carlos, or maybe Frank or even Andy – who knows?

68k to go, the leaders are hitting the first cat 1 climb, the climb will hit back.

36k
to go – I’ve had to take a break to mow the lawn, power wash the mold
off my roof and mix 4 mojitos – there’s nothing like working on your
roof with a mojito in hand.

It looks like Lang has got away from his two pals on the first cat 1 climb. He has about 5 minutes on the pack.

I’m
listening live to the Enhanced Coverage, with Bob Roll and Craig Hummer
– not quite the same experience as Phil and Paul. Bob has troubles with
his English.

34k to go, Baby Jaja caught – no spices for the Agritubel team at dinner tonight!

Ricco and Piepoli are at the front of the pack.

32k to go. A Caisse d’ Whatev guys jumps.

Looks
like we are in for a “watch and see if anyone screws up” stage today.
Maybe teams will see if they can take some time out of Cadel after his
crash, he looks like he’s riding fine though. He should squirt a TV
moto with his bottle to show he’s back on from.

The pack is pretty much together; no one of note has been dropped.

This descent will bring the race back together, it should also make Cadel’s collarbone quiver.

Lang still hanging off the front – 5k to the summit. He looks like he’s trying to pass a fist sized kidney stone.

Is the “screw the dopers” VS ad any better? I guess so – it’s quieter.

30 k to go – Ricco jumps and gets a gap right away. He is flying – just ask him – he’ll tell you.

The rest of the contenders are clumped together like a herd of gerbils.

Ricco is exciting to watch, he’s just murder to listen to – so he’s the Tour equivalent of a pole dancer.

It’s reassuring to know that SAAB annoys their prime time audience also.

I didn’t know the VS “I’m going to get myself straight” song was a Paul Weller song. I can just imagine the call from his agent.

“Paul, good news, an American company wants to use one of your songs.”

“Cool, which one?”

“The one that’s sorta sad, about getting yourself straight.”

“Oh, what kind of company is it, a rehab clinic, or is it for a depression pill?”

“It’s for advertising the Tour de France.”

“What?”

“I know, I’ll make sure to get the money up front.”

Ricco is closing on Lang like a comic book fan after a dumpster full of star wars action figures.

26k to go, Ricco almost over the hill. Lang back at 35 seconds, maybe the big boy can catch Ricco on the descent?

20k to go, I can’t say that I wouldn’t love to hear what Ricco would have to say if he got caught here.

Nibali
chasing Ricco with Lang – perhaps out of spite? Nibali is on Ricco’s
list of the pissed, the list of people he hasn’t pissed off is actually
shorter.

16k to go, Lang and Nibali are done. Nibali’s spite not enough to catch Ricco.

In
the space of 30 seconds Craig Hummer just crammed together canoes, the
Olympics, a French river, the yellow jersey and I think a haiku about
propane gas into one of the most tortured metaphors I’ve ever heard.

10k
to go, Ricco has 1:21. He might be able to begin preparing his victory
celebration. I’m feeling a tribute to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”
video here.

Valverde talking to Piepoli, he’s got to have the biggest bandages I’ve even seen on his leg and arm? Did he have surgery?

We will now get 5ks worth of footage of Ricco breathing hard. Sexy!

Efimkin jumps off the front of the pack for no apparent reason.

2k to go for Ricco, time for him to take off one glove.

Ricco
at the line, he points twice to his non-existent mustache, and then to
his jersey, which in Italian Sign Language means, “I make my teammates
do my laundry for me.”