Yesterday’s
stage ending crash excitement has left Stefan Schumacher feeling a
little bitter about getting knocked over by Kirchen. The judges do not
give finishers the blessed "same time" crash bonus on mountain top
finishes. As the racers might be tempted to flop "soccer-style" to keep
from losing any time on the hills. The ruling is fair. It’s not like
Schumacher was going to hold onto the jersey anyway. I will miss the
lovely combination of the Gerolsteiner baby blue and the bright yellow
of the leader’s jersey though.

Today
is a hilly stage with KOM points out on the road just waiting to be
scooped up by our French KOM stalwarts – Voeckler and Chavanel. I
expect them to try and get out in front of the race early to get the
points now – as they will have a really hard time getting any points in
the real mountains.

In other news (from cycling news):

Ten abnormal blood results before Tour start

French
newspaper Le Monde revealed on Friday that there were ten abnormal
blood values found in samples taken by French Anti-Doping Agency AFLD
before the Tour de France. The tests were conducted on July 3 and 4,
while the Tour got underway on July 5.

Mmm,
doping issues. Is this news? What exactly does "abnormal blood values"
mean? Did they find lady blood in there? Was there evidence of
vampirism? Did they find a vanished absorbed twin? Now, that would be
amazing!

Here’s
the recap of yesterday’s finish, Schumacher falls, and they use Ricco’s
stupid "cobra" nickname. Is this another instance of an Italian rider
giving himself a nickname? Ugh. There is nothing worse than
self-nicknaming. You don’t get to give yourself a nickname! Are you
listening, "Killer"? Ricco should not be named the "cobra"! Nicknames
are meant to be slightly humiliating – hence "elefantino" – not "il
Pirata". Ricco is more suited to being called "tip" as he’s like a
Q-Tip with ears, or maybe "speed hen" as he likes to chatter, or just
plain old "Pricco." But I’m not married to any of those names; I’m just
throwing out ideas here.

We
go to the live coverage and the green screen with Phil and Paul. I am
now convinced that they are being held hostage. Phil does his lead-in
while Paul is desperately blinking out "send help – for the love of
God" in Morse code. I’m not sure who has nabbed the two of them, but I
will get to the bottom of it.

There’s
a small break off the front of the race, Millar is in there, as is
Jens. They have about 27 seconds. Columbia is chasing.

8:53
am and we have the first "Gordon Lightfoot lite" backwards VS ad. Why
doesn’t VS just come over to my house and whiz in my coffee?

Cunego has holes in his shorts – Phil assumes it’s from a crash, but it could be from the time bursting out of him.

Lord,
we just had 1 minute of coverage, followed by another commercial break!
I would now like to punish the following advertisers: Cervelo, Armor
All, Pennzoil, VS Tapout (well, they were already on the list), the
Perfect Pull-up, and finally there’s the soul-murdering VS backwards
ad. It’s not like I buy any of these products, but I will send my
negative mind waves their way. So, according to that series of ads, the
demo for the morning Tour stages are out-of-shape bike-riding
gear-heads who watch large men grapple with one another. Do you know
anyone like that? Is there anyone in the world like that? Can I meet
him – so I can tell him that VS desperately needs him to buy a pull-up
bar – and then maybe VS will get off my ass and let me watch the Tour
in peace.

Now
everyone has come up to the main split, the peloton is splitting into
echelons. As anyone knows, wind is a very important factor in bike
racing – wouldn’t it make sense to have a little graphic telling wind
direction and speed? But instead we get mostly useless out-of-context
wattage numbers showing that some Dutch domestique is running at 78
watts with a HR of 6.

Ouch, looks like a guy has hit a tree!

Frankie and Schumacher – Stefan, you rode into Kirchen’s wheel, get over it. And who knew Stefan might have a future in pimping?

VDV
interview – he says he’s going to take his shot at the GC, but I really
can’t get over the fact that he’s doing this interview in his
undershirt.

CSC is pulling. The teams are playing the wind.

Kirchen
profile – he’s from Luxembourg. My family can trace some relatives back
to Luxembourg, so I have a soft spot for riders from the Grand-Duchy.
And now that’s he’s in yellow, he can answer the question "And you
are…?" in 6 languages!

71 k to go, it looks like they aren’t trying to split the race anymore, hmmm, maybe because there’s a tailwind?

In the hostage situation that is the ads for the Tour on VS, I have come to love my DR Chipper captor.

Fabian is at front, pulling hard, trying to drop Sastre. The hills are coming soon.

The climb starts and everyone is jumping. This climb should extinguish the hopes of many racers for the win on today’s stage.

58
k to go. There’s a couple of Saunier guys up in the front group. It’s a
Spanish sandwich! With Nibali as the Italian sweetbread in the middle.

Paul tells us that this area of France has gone 1,054 days without a live goat sacrifice.

Moreau
has abandoned! France hairdressers weep! I cannot believe that 10th
place will not be filled by the frosted tips of France’s
self-proclaimed favorite son! Look for his Agritubel bike up on ebay in
3…2…1…

Velits of Milram snaps his chain and "air pedals" – he looks like Zabel in a sprint – zing!

Goddam
it! Can they quit with the VS backwards commercials! Every time I hear
that pathetic country song, I just want to throw my TV out the window!
Note to VS – creating viewer hostility is not effective advertising!

44k
to go. Ok, nothing is going to go on until the final hill. We will just
have to look out for anyone falling off the road on the descent.

Paul
just said that track sprinters can generate upwards of 1,000 watts on
the track, and those sprinters would be know as very, very bad and slow
sprinters.

42 k to go. Astarloza attacks. The apathy of the group resounds through the hills.

The
top of the mountain is very misty, the descent will be a little touchy.
Frank Schleck might need to change his shorts after this stage.

The descent begins and we go on "Schleck watch".

One of the Saunier guys has a slip out on the descent. Frank Schleck radios back to the team car for a stunt double.

We are treated of some compelling footage of the road.

Van Summerin crashes. He seems to be fine. Frank Schelck passes him, panics, and empties his bladder onto the roadway.

Oof,
they have already placed the crash from earlier today where the racers
hit the tree in their promos. Ouch! They can get that sort of
production turned-around, yet they can’t sheeat-can the life-sapping
ads that they show? The Tour on VS!

Columbia chasing, Astarloza is brought back. Perhaps the pack will get back to not giving a crap about the break.

I would like to "ask Bobke" to describe the pretty, pretty colors.

20k to go. The break has 1:03. Looks like we may have a furious run up the last climb.

Thor
SMASH and Zabel in the front group! If they can survive the final
climb, they have a shot at the sprint. A very small and hopeless shot,
but a shot nonetheless.

This stage is suited for a rider like Pozzato. Is Pippo still in the mix? Or was he applying self-tanner when the field split?

11k
to go the break is on the hill. CSC at the front chasing. Pozzato is
there in the first chase. Frank Schleck has apparently survived the
descent.

Schumacher
jumps, Pereiro covers. Here come Pozzato, man-perm flying in the wind.
Ricco hops up also, making it a quartet of delusion at the front.

De
la Fuente attacks at the front group. He gets top KOM point and takes
over KOM lead from Chavanel. France would weep, but she’s all cried out
over Moreau.

Is Thor SMASH still in the front group? He is! Is it SMASHing time!

5k to go LL Sanchez off the front, Thor SMASH may not have enough team to chase.

How awesome would it be if Thor SMASH could win and make Pozzato cry?

Liquigas chasing for Thor SMASH to humiliate Pippo?

Nope – Thor SMASH dropped.

LL Sanchez wins the race and asks the press to "not call it a comeback."

Now it’s just time to see who blew it GC-wise.

VDV still up near the front! Cunego leaks 33 more seconds.