It seems that the sprinters were robbed of an opportunity to shine yesterday as the break of 4 stayed away and brought home French glory via a Dumoulin win and Feillu’s donning of the yellow jersey. Oh, how the tides have turned! The French have come to dominate my friends! With Sunday’s long break (which may have been the most Frenchest ever – with Chavanel, Moreau and Vocekler out front) serving as a fragrant (fragrant is French for stinky) fromage appetizer for the pâté of Gallic goodness on Monday’s plate, we now have a full plate of French awesomeness forthcoming – for maybe only the first week, of course. But never mind that the success may not last until Paris, enjoy the moment now! Reports say that there was meat aplenty at the Agritubel team table last might and they supped on bread and water at the same time! The team tents were left at the KOA campground in Nantes, as the riders were allowed to sleep in the staff cars of the Tour organization. Feillu himself was allowed the honor of sleeping on top of two fattened mechanics, head to toe, of course, to maintain everyone’s masculinity.

Today is the TT stage (in my opinion, a necessary, yet very dull evil), that is basically a day off from racing, so let’s catch up on the latest quotes from the racers.

It seems that Robbie McEwen is bemoaning the lack of chasers for the sprints, as seen here in this quote from cyclingnews:

"I really don’t know, they all just sitting there looking at each other," he said. "I said this to a few guys before the start of the Tour. There aren’t any teams that are completely built around a sprinter. Some teams are split with general classification guys and a sprint train but there’s no one to do the ‘shit’ work if you like."

At this point I would like to remind Robbie that he barely made the Silence-Lotto Tour team, and that he is basically a piece of sprint baggage on the "Cadel to Paris" train, and no one likes to hear from baggage. I only listen to my baggage when I’ve had too many fuzzy navels, and the only thing my bags ever say to me is, "Why not put what’s inside your tummy in here? We’ll keep it nice and safe."

Here’s a quote from Jens, also from cyclingnews:

"I am being saved for something special," smiled Voigt. "I am like a tightly coiled spring and I’m just waiting for Bjarne to pull the trigger and release me and then – bam, I will explode into the race."

Does Bjarne have a "Jens button", that resembles some sort of "batphone"-type device? And if we were to take that above quote out of context and just float it out there into the world, how dirty would that sound?

Here’s a gem from the savvy Riccardo Ricco about yesterday’s time loss (also from cyclingnews):

When asked his reaction to losing time, he played down the significance of that. "Perhaps you journalists don’t understand that I am not here to work for the classification," he snapped. When it was pointed out that Saunier Duval were chasing hard at the head of his group, he claimed it was for team-mate Juan Jose Cobo.

They’re working for Cobo?! That’s his excuse? Now why would those silly journalists ask him about the GC, when he’s wearing number 171 – as designated leader of the team? So, will Ricco be getting bottles for Cobo for the rest of the Tour? We will have to stay tuned.

I tuned out before yesterday’s podium incident with Bernard Hinault. Apparently, one of the "Morning Buzz Pipe Fitters" union guys got up on the stage while Dumoulin was getting his bouquet. The Badger then sprung into action, and gave the guy a "retired guy shove". Not quite a real shove, but enough to get him off the podium. By the way, the next step in the man-shove devolution is the "bumping with the walker" shove, not quite as effective as the retired guy shove, but it will get you to the front of the pharmacy line. And in the interview after the incident, Hinault said he hoped that the little boy in the Cofidis kit wasn’t traumatized by the whole event.

So today is the first time trial stage, time to shake out the GC. It’s a really short 29k, so the time losses won’t be significant, but today someone will stink up the course and take themselves out of the race – I’m thinking Ricco here, but there’s a whole bunch of other contenders for this role.

Since today is the first TT stage, it’s time for my annual anti-time trial diatribe. Time trials, in a grand tour, are a necessary evil. They serve to create time gaps between the racers in an environment other than the mountains – otherwise only climbers would win the Tour – and no one wants that. My main complaint about the TT stages is that they are boring. Can you name any great time trial stages? I can think of three: Lemond beating Fignot by 8 seconds, Ullrich sliding out in the roundabout, and Razzy’s repeated ditch diggers in his disastrous time trial. Compare that to all the classic road stages, and you see how dull these timed events are.

And don’t get me started on the time trial "races" that aren’t part of a stage race – the concept itself just pathetic. To me, it’s like being a figure skater and only doing the compulsory figures (skating in figure eights repeatedly until you either fall over or defect to the US) – plus you have to hunch yourselves up into a position that makes you look like you are taking the most uncomfortable bowel movement ever conceived.

So I may be a little biased when it comes to time trials. You may feel differently. And I understand if you want to call me Stanley – because I am a big tool.

I’m tuning in an hour into the coverage, and Danny Pate has the best time. I imagine that Fabian will win convincingly today, but maybe the French will stay on a roll and Chavanel will win today. Bwa ha ha ha ha ha! Just pulling your leg there.

Now if I were in charge of the coverage here, I would import an aero nerd to the studio and get him a telestrater, so they can critique racer’s positions and the aerodynamics of each frame – plus, that would bring me one step closer to my dream of drawing a wiener onto the television screen during a live telecast.

Ooh, I see rain cloud, I do love seeing a TT in the rain. There’s nothing like a guy coming over the line in a manure soiled skinsuit.

Chavanel ahead of Pate by about 10 seconds at the 19k checkpoint.

Are we going to get more JV interview footage? That turtleneck is going to crack me yet

Here’s Frankie with Stijn Devolder’s TT bike – which is basically a Specialized commercial. I love how these guys like to pretend these bikes are like super fast high-tech race cars. They are platforms built to put you into ridiculous aero positions, and they are probably slower than the recumbents with fairings and cup holders that the chunky guys ride. Now that’s a race I’d like to see. Can we get Ricco to race a guy on his way to the deli on a ‘bent bike?

So the backwards VS footage commercials are basically an insult, right? They play the footage of past jerkoffs in reverse – implying that the future of the sport won’t be as bleak? "The Tour on VS – practically dick-free!"

Chavanel beats Pate’s time, maintaining his Frenchness.

Ricco starts his time trial. the complaining will start in 3…2…1…

In the Tour marionette show of my mind, I imagine that Ricco has mechanical problems and tries to heave his bike over the barriers like Millar did at the Giro, but instead of tossing his bike, he gets tangled with his frame, and he falls over onto his ass in the middle of a ditch. I’m busy crafting the puppets right now. They are all anatomically correct, of course.

Jens is about 30 seconds ahead of Chavanel at the 19k checkpoint.

"Hey! I can protect my guns, tools and snare traps for hobos with the WD40 3in1 no rust shield!"

"American, arrogant, and those aggravated assault charges have never stuck – it’s Tap Out on VS!"

Ohh, here’s a Fabian profile! "I enjoy peepeeing all over the sprinter’s hopes in flat stages."

Jens takes over the lead, bumping Chavanel out of the crying booth. Do they have one of those? If not, can we please get one so we can see the racers sweat it out? It’s odd how many parallels I’m finding between time trailing and figure skating. Such a masculine cycling discipline!

Ugh, Valverde doesn’t start until 10:50 eastern time! Time to hibernate!

Here’s a Budweiser commercial, with August (Auggie) Busch speaking. A good friend of mine went to school with Auggie in St. Louis, and one of the highlights of his life was getting to punch Auggie in the face. I imagine, with the potential sale of Budweiser to a Belgian company, you could probably do a good business selling tickets to do that in St. Louis right now.

You know what? VS can just bite me with these backwards footage commercials! Do they show all the hockey guys with drunk driving and domestic assault charges skating backwards? No? Shocker!

Menchov come in with the fastest time, soon to be 30 seconds too little to get yellow.

Cunego is in the start house, ready to leave time droppings all over the road.

Stijn takes off. We will now see if we actually have a Belgian contender for the GC. He’s riding a "super-bike" from Specialized., which is still probably slower than a Cervelo P3 – but it is super.

This will sadly be the last year for the Gerolsteiner ice dancing uniforms, as Gerolsteiner will be pulling out as a sponsor next year. I am pouring out my pink slipper on the floor.

Fabian ahead at the first time check by one second. He’s wearing his number 13 upside down for luck, he is also wearing Jason Giambi’s lucky pink thong – please don’t ask me how I know that…

The last time I saw this many Europeans panting, I had to step out of the David Hasselhoff concert for some air.

An interview with Jens and Fabian about TT-ing, apparently it hurts.

At the 2nd time check, Fabian is third! let’s see how he does in the tail wind.

VDV behind by 4 seconds at the first check.

Cunego about a minute behind at the finish. It’s not a horrific loss of time, so you know, that’s great news…

Here comes Fabian! He sprints! He takes the win by 2 seconds! The luck of the thong holds!

Thor SMASH on the platform, will he actually try to ride today?

George Hincapie is riding with some hair product attached to his top tube.

VDV 3rd at the second time check – nice! I will not mention him winning at this point so as not to jinx it.

Sastre loses 1:10 at the finish, the Schleck brothers are observed "puttin’ on the foil."

Stefan Schumacher is putting in a good ride, and he needs to nail his triple salchow.

The wins is dying down now, helping to explain Schumacher’s time.

Here comes VDV! Only 4 seconds down! Nice! We will totally invite him back to our roller party, and he won’t even have to pay a cover fee this time!

I missed the Devolder finish, it seems he came in 9th, losing 45 seconds.

Schumacher hits the line with the best time, he stops to thank his sponsor and the headwind.

They are in the Garmin Chipotle car with JV – he’s not waring his Douche Acres costume. If the DA management see that he’s out of period costume, he’s totally fired!

Millar might have a chance at the win now that the wind has died down.

Now, if all the guys riding now suddenly have great times, we will be able to tell if the wind has, in fact, settled down.

If the wind has lessened, that will bode well for Cadel.

George finishes 6th, applies his hair product.

Andy Schleck is in, and he beats Sastre by 14 seconds, he is of course, 1:20 off the winning time.

Back to the team car, JV has no elbow pads on his jacket! JV shows off and demonstrates how annoying the race radios can be. He tells Millar to push, and that he can almost see the head crowning.

Valverde already crapping all over his TT, 38 seconds down at the first time check, without the headwind!

Millar 2nd at the 2nd time check – benefitting from the reduction in headwind. Why is no one mentioning this? It’s the most important factor in the race today. Don’t you love how varying weather conditions can bone guys that start at different times? Time trial fever – catch it!

And the answer to the question of Thor SMASH riding today is, "No, not so much"

Phil says that Sastre has taken the leadership of CSC, I suppose because he only lost 14 seconds to Andy Schleck?

Here comes Frank Schleck, he loses the battle of the Schlecks to Andy, and it’s not even close. Looks like Andy gets the top bunk tonight!

Cadel coming into the finish, he finishes second! Hurray wind!

Millar comes in for a wind-aided 2nd place.

Valverde is pooping out a real turd of a TT here today, he’s at 1:05 at the 2nd time check. He’s barely beating Cunego!

Kirchen comes in at second, a very nice ride.

Valverde grinding away on his bike like a freshman on a fat friend – slowly and terribly.

Valverde finishes down 1:34 – that was awful! At least other guys can blame the wind. If he had bad wind, he would be finishing tomorrow.

Now we just wait to see the last moments of Feillu in yellow.

Schumacher will take yellow with his win here. I simply cannot wait to see what his Gerolsteiner uniform will look like in yellow.

Watching Feillu finish is just awful. It looks like he’s been beat with a bag full of slowness. The French will love this. His Agritubel teammates will miss sleeping indoors.

I would have to say Valverde was the big loser today, but wait – let’s have a Ricco check. There he is – 115th place, at 3:36 down, oh Riccardo!

Now I will have to watch the podium presentations to see if the Badger needs to take care of business again.