I’m delayed a day on my “coverage” of the Tour as I spent yesterday at a keg party – seriously. This gives me the opportunity to speed through the preview nonsense. God bless you, Tivo! Today will be a flat-ish stage today, with the stage slowly ascending up to a cat 4 climb at the finish. Let’s just go out on a limb and say that a group of Frenchmen will try to get away early. If it comes together again for a bunch sprint again, it must be a Cavendish win, no? Will the other sprinters now have to try and get into breaks to have a shot at a win? I have never seen Robbie McEwen in a break, Thor SMASH and Freire and Zabel occasionally, but Robbie? Never. That should bode well for his future employment prospects.

80k to go, they’ve been going hard today so far, the break of four has 2:52, not sure who is out there. Ah, I see two Frenchmen are up the road, and Sandy Casar is there, I know who I will be pulling for.

It’s a hot day in France and that means one thing – mankinis by the side of the road! Perhaps we should start a running count…

Barloworld will be pulling out of the sport because of Duenas’ positive test. Will Duenas be busy for the rest of the year stomping on the flaming bags of dog excrement left on his doorstep by all the people he’s put out of a job?

Robbie interview – they deftly neglect to ask him what he plans to do with his upcoming retirement. This will have to be remembered as the Tour that ushered out the old sprinter guard of McEwen, Zabel and Freire (sniff) and Thor SMASH sniff. And don’t bother mentioning Boonen as a threat to Cavendish, because the Booner would be getting his crack side handed to him this Tour along with all the other sprinters.

They show that “workload of the leaders” graphic. How exactly do they calculate that? It seems like they come up with pretty specific numbers. Do they use the rider’s transponders? Do they watch the footage and guess? Do they just make it up? I’m very curious about this.

66k to go, they are going up the climb and I’m scanning for mankinis – to no avail. Have Europeans suddenly developed a sense of modesty? Has the world gone mad?! What’s more comfortable than a mini man swimsuit and sandals with dark socks on a hot day?

58k to go, the group of four still has 2:28, they might be hopeless, but it’s hard to tell these days. The races seems to be moving at a more “humane” pace than in years past, I would say more but I’m pretty sure that there are Texas made listening devices all around my house.

Is there anything more pointless than a Mogo scooter? Maybe a Mogo scooter with a kid’s seat?

49k to go, Liquigas chasing for the opportunity to hear what Pozzato’s excuse for not winning will be at the dinner table tonight.

Frankie doing a Cervelo profile – how odd! How did VS ever get access to the Cervelo people? That profile is like a Cervelo commercial – only with duller people and a crappier soundtrack.

47k to go, the lack of mankinis along the road has really begun to wear on me. Have the Germans lost all their vacation days?

It might be time to Tivo ahead to get to where things are interesting; I will be scanning for crashes and mankinis.

Here’s a Cav interview. He says they might leave the chasing to the other teams, but will still leave the winning to himself.

Fast forwarding ahead, we get a David Millar profile. Is he the only guy who’s come clean about his drug use? Zabel did in a half-assed way and Museeuw’s admission was just insulting I’m still waiting for the Tyler Hamilton Lifetime movie – “Something for Tugboat.”

27k to go, the guys at the front are attacking each other now, they have 50 seconds now. Gutierrez is away by himself, riding to se if he can be the Caisse d’ Sandcastle leader, because, you know – what the hell? No one else is doing it.

We see the Columbia directors, Aldag and Holm, in the team car saying that the last climb is “not that hard”, and that the team should “give it a try.” And they admonish the team in German accents for being “weak little girly riders.”

15k to go, Gutierrez has 34 seconds. Liquigas still on the front, preparing to launch Pozzato to 25th place.

13k to go, a Bouygues Telekom rider gives a Liquigas rider a hand sling – if that isn’t a cycling term that sounds dirty, I don’t know what is.

12k to go, they are chasing on the hill. Not a mankini in sight. It’s just not the same at the Tour when you don’t see German gentlemen basting in the hot sun like a greased frankfurter.

11k to go, Voeckler goes and catches Gutierrez, launching a Lampre rider off the front. Well played, Tommy!

We should see some desperate accelerations on the hill here. I smell a Pozzato move here.

10 k to go, Cavendish trying to keep contact.

Schleck jumps, Cadel follows – shocking!

Pereiro jumps. He looks back to see if Valverde is chasing him.

They are on the descent now. Chavanel off the front. Columbia chasing.

4k to go, judging by the last few stages, I’d say that Chavanel is screwed, but you never know…

3k to go, I would have to assume that Columbia is working for Cav, but maybe they are going to give Ciolek a shot. Maybe Cavendish is tired from kissing girls dressed like mineral water?

Freire is near the front. If Cav is tuckered out, Oscar has a great shot today.

Chavanel caught, sun rises.

1.6 to go, Valverde moves up to retain dignity.

Milram up front – to make Zabel feel good.

1k to go, let’s see how Milram screws this up.

This is a slow developing sprint, Columbia working for Ciolek. Prepare yourself to see some German head banging!

Jimmy Caspar jumps early, Schumacher and Zabel close on him.

Freire comes up on the right and takes the win! He passed Zabel like he was a dozing tollbooth worker.

Zabel third, sun sets.