Preview
Prologue Through Stage 2
Stage 3

<b>Stage 4</b>

I’m on live again today without the benefit of Tivo, I am praying we get more Gary Coleman commercials. They showed him in a car yesterday – can he drive? I suppose he can, but they had him in a convertible and he was below the steering wheel. I tend to fixate on details like this.

116K to go and we have a group of 5 away with Flecha included. Dammit! If Tinkov were here there’s no way Toto would’ve missed his favorite tow to the finish! I’m cursing the TdF selection committee once again!

The VS promos for the upcoming TdF stages are very funny. They borrowed the guy who does the “Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!” spots for local drag strips, I believe. This just seems so misplaced. *Announcer voice* “Come on out and see these Euros battle it out, and don’t worry, it won’t seem so fruity because I’m using my bad ass hockey voice!” That was more fun than I though it would be. If the stage is slow, I expect Mr. Announcer might come back.

The break is working together with 106 to go and they have 3:14. Their chances look a little hopeless for the first week, third week they may have a shot, but in the first week they will be chased like a shot of budget tequila.

OK, having Mr. Announcer list the Tour favorites is just hilarious, “Levi, Menchov – they dress like school girls – but we don’t give a crap – the Tour de France on VS.” That’s much more fun if you use the voice – trust me on that one.

Here’s a Thor SMASH interview. He’s feeling better. “I feel the SMASHing coming on now, I will feel sorry for all the Fiat windows blasted out because of my shock wave of mighty power.” Or something very close to that. Why does Credit Agricole not have more than one guy helping Thor to SMASH? Does that make any sense? Granted, Patrice Halgand has to be helped to snag 66^th place, but maybe they could throw Thor SMASH one more guy? Get me the Norwegian embassy!

CSC is chasing now. Breaks chances dropping like a <insert Kevin Federline album reference here>.

“Drama, skinny Dutchmen, metrosexuality, and some guy named Thor – the Tour on VS!”

Agritubel missed the break today – they will be having a bake sale after the stage to raise money to travel to stage 5.

They just showed the break – when did Carrot Top start riding for Milram?

McEwen interview. If you were on Predictor, which little Australian would you rather work for – Robbie or Cadel? Let’s see, one wins a lot, the other um, well…

Here’s the feed, Toto. We hardly knew ye…

Another Boner interview, must try to not get lost in his beautiful eyes…

76K to go, and the break is holding, I would love to see Flecha win. I would also like to have a camera on Commesso at home watching when Flecha wins. “Juan Antonio is MY tow to the finish!” I then imagine Toto drowning his sorrows in ground ham steak.

Linus is wired up on today’s stage, time to warm up my “Linus looks like Hillary Swank” material. Poor Linus, it would be better if we had never met I suppose.

Did you know Linus can Mousse at threshold? See? And it’s just not going to get any better either.

Commercial break, why no Gary Coleman yet? A morning spot on VS costs what, $89? We should take up a collection.

“189 guys who all weight less than Barry Bonds’ head – the Tour on VS.”

They’re getting a lot of mileage out of that bloody Thor SMASH! footage.

59K to go, obligatory “field of sunflowers” shot. We just someone riding with the pack on horseback and a drunken Dutchman in a Cat in the Hat costume to hit the TV trifecta.

“189 riders come to France and one of them is really pretty, I mean, like really hot pretty. It’s totally weird – the Tour on VS.”

Since things are stable in the race right now, it’s time to have a discussion about Saunier Duval’s crotch hearts. What the hell? Every frontal shot of them is going to bring extra attention to their “bits”. Do we need this? Does anyone need this superfluous male crotch advertising? Ugh. This reminds me of the time during the 70s when somehow male nudity became OK in the mainstream, with Burt Reynolds posing nude for Playgirl and Pablo Cruise posed nude on their album cover. A group of men, nude! I know this as I bought the single for “Love Will Find a Way” as a lad, and it included the album art. I still have yet to get over the trauma. I may sue for reparations.

“They all drive tiny little cars, but they can ride like breaking wind – the Tour on VS.”

50K to go, 48 k to go. I would say that the gap is dropping like Paris Hilton’s bloomers, but I’m much too classy for that.

A Cofidis guy hits the dirt along with a Quick Stepper. They rub some dirt on their wounds and continue.

Carrot Top wins the KOM sprint, and Chavanel doesn’t take the jersey from his teammate. France erupts in celebration!

The break chugs along and we pass the sprint bonus. The break is at 1:37 at 31K. I smell a sprint coming. Poor Flecha! If only he had Toto there to inspire him and remind the others to work!

Peloton at :53, Lampre is working. Carrot Top launches. Flecha should take a shot here.

Linus at 147 BPM over 300 watts, must be time for his close up.

The break brings Knees (Carrot) Top back and now they are working and gaining on the field.

There’s a crash, but it’s just a Bouygues Telecom guy – that’s not Voeckler. France breathes a sigh of relief, and returns to her soap operas.

11K to go, 30 seconds. Quick Step and T-Mobile up front. There’s a better chance of Liberace finally finding the right girl (from the grave) than this break staying away.

CA at the front, perhaps Thor SMASH is feeling well?

Attacks in the break, pretty much a leg pump at this time.

Knees Top keeps trying. Flecha joins him. A handshake and they are done.

7K – Quick Step comes to the front. Boner time. Lampre and CA working too. C’mon Thor SMASH!

The group looks pretty clumped up at 5K. That works well for McEwen and Freire.

Quick Step and Lampre working to lead out McEwen.

3K to go, Barloworld working for Hunter – riiiight…

Agritubel, picking up refund cans by the side of the road.

Boner isolated. It’s a cluster boink to the finish.

T-mob gets boxed.

Thor goes from waaaaaaaaaay out. SMASH! SMASH! SMASH!

THOR WINS! SMASH! Great lead out from Julian Dean!

Fish carts should be overturned all over Norway, but Norwegians are much too polite for that.