I am back after an unexpectedly extended stay with my family in Iowa. Our trip was originally planned as a short four day jaunt, but due the MOST IMPORTANT SNOWFALL EVER, we were waylaid for an extra five days. Athletically this posed one of the most difficult challenges I have ever faced as a pretend bike racer, for just a few feet away, humming away in a deceptively benign manner was a freezer full of no fewer than ten different varieties of cookies. 

Normally I possess enough will power to withstand a four day sojourn into the belly of the dessert beast known as my parent’s house; well, more accurately, I can’t do enough harm to myself in four days to inflict any permanent damage. But these extra days in Iowa were another situation entirely. I was facing the largesse of Christmas dessert for an extra undefined period of time. This is what I faced.

If you look closely, you will see no less than ten different varieties of cookies, all neatly stacked and beckoning me from their frozen home. And these were no normal cookies, they were Christmas sugar cookies, regulation chocolate chip and other varieties that I couldn’t identify, but I know they were delicious. In fact, these cookies seemed to be hybrids or mutations of current cookie strains. They had other confections shoved inside of them, there were caramels inside of some, mint enclosed in others. You didn’t know what you were in for. And the best part? My niece has a peanut allergy, so there were NO NUTS in any of them! Many of you have probably heard about my stance against nuts in baked goods (it’s revolting), so imagine my joy at finding about 16 pounds worth of sweets, with nary a nut to be found. It was baked heaven, and it was only a few steps away in the freezer in my parent’s garage.

Over the course of the next few days, our return flight was rescheduled three times, adding five days to our trip, and each day I was taunted by the availability and accessibility of the items in the box white box that hummed smugly in the garage. I can’t say that I mustered enough will power to eschew the "cookie monster" entirely, but I did manage to not consume those cookies as if I were a condemned prisoner ordering his last dessert, and for Iowa, that’s not bad. 

Sunday, January 2, 2010

Today was my return to physical activity after an eight day layoff. Actually "layoff" isn’t an adequate term for the time I spent in Iowa. The more accurate term to describe my time spent there would fall somewhere between "Midwestern caloric bacchanal" or "Tuesday in Alabama". Needless to say, I was not ready for any sort of athletic achievement. 

But buoying my spirits was the fact that my new Lemond Revolution trainer was delivered in my absence. In the interest of full disclosure, I must now mention that I earned the aforementioned trainer by performing unspeakable acts of design (well, I helped make a t-shirt). There’s nothing more inspiring to bike nerds than new equipment, and my new trainer was a gift from heaven.

In fact, I was so inspired by my new acquisition that I was able to set a new winter trainer time record. The Lemond allows me to change positions much easier than I can on rollers (although I can stand and ride no handed on my rollers—skillz!), and it helps relieve the taint-ial distress that rollers seems to bring about. I went for an hour without distress. There is a glitch in this set up though, I cannot get any wattage data from my rides as the trainer replaces the back wheel on my bike. This leaves me with just heart rate and time as the only metrics I can record from these rides. This is a compromise I can live with, the great outdoors is really the proper place for wattages.

Nevertheless, I have included my so-called metrics here.

Tuesday, January 4, 2010

I took to the open road with trepidation today, as I planned on doing a set of 20/10 intervals to begin my dip back into the intensity ball pit. I executed the effort, and moseyed for a bit after. The true test of my progression or regression would manifest itself after a careful analysis of my pre-vacation and post-vacation numbers for my 20/10s. Let’s look at those numbers, shall we?

My last set of 20/10s was on December 21st. I did a 342 watt average and weighed 153 pounds, that makes for 4.918 watts per kilo. Today I did 350 watts at 155 pounds, hitting 4.968 watts per kilo. So that mean eight days of inactivity has yielded an additional .05 watts per kilo of mightiness! Astonishing! I am now booking spots for a training camp at my parent’s house in Iowa. Campers can expect ample sausage, plenty of sofa time and regular cookie feedings. Act now, spots will be filling fast.

Wednesday, January 5, 2010 155

After yesterday’s slothful revelation, I headed out for a 2011 record second consecutive outdoor ride. All was well until about minute 55 or so, when my right knee started to throb. Perhaps getting right back to riding after an eight day vacation in the land of dips and casseroles wasn’t the best idea, but this is time of year for piling up minutes on the bicycle, and the pursuit of mightiness cannot be waylaid by a reluctant knee joint. I shall resort to icing the offending body part, while deadening my other senses with red wine. I also neglected to download my data from this ride, but I can assure you my numbers were spectacular. In lieu of training data, I have included this photo of a Cutlass Supreme, which displays the proper usage of the most bitchin’ sticker in the automotive world.

Thursday, January 6, 2010

Dues to my knees turning to deposits of throbbing jelly, I decided to take it easy today and ride my trainer. I’ve said in the past that riding easily to overcome maladies or illness is akin to drinking light beer to sober up (that is of course, a myth, you drink white wine to sober up), so I rode mostly to occupy myself and ease my compulsive nature. Today’s ride on the trainer was a prance upon the pedals, and since I cannot get my wattage data from my PowerTap (there’s no rear wheel on the Lemond trainer), I was able to ride very easily without power numbers clouding my mind.

Postscript

It’s with a heavy heart that I’m writing to inform you that Happy has passed on. He was a wonderful companion and he will be missed terribly. We loved having him with us even if it was for only a brief time. It was our great pleasure to make his last days comfortable and warm. Godspeed Happy! Look! There’s a rabbit!