With the ASO and UCI hell bent on trying to kill pro cycling through a bureaucracy-off, I thought I’d email my new BFF, Christian Vande Velde, and see what the rider’s perspective was. He’s a busy guy, and the ensuing restraining order was totally worth it.

schmalz What the hell is going on with the ASO and the UCI? It’s like they’re a pair of bitter, divorced parents fighting – with the riders playing the part of the scared kids hugging their teddy bears, waiting for the screaming to stop (how’s that for a tortured “Lifetime Channel” metaphor?). It seems like the teams and rider are stuck in a “damned if you do damned if you don’t” situation when it comes to riding Paris Nice.

VDV I like the metaphor about the parents. In fact, I have already used it, sue me.  

schmalz This seems lie a good time for the pro cyclist’s union to move up their participation – are you a member of that union? What does it do, exactly? 

VDV That is a good question. I cant really answer that or else, I wish. The fact of the matter is that, us, as cyclists don’t have anything to stand on. Nothing. Never have. You are correct, well, I believe that you are correct in thinking that we need a union. But trying to have everyone see it your way is difficult to say the least. I don’t have time to do my Jimmy Hoffa exercises after the race. I would love to see it happen, but it is unlikely. Jimmy didn’t even speak Flemish! I’ve done some easy math and without giving more than 1/2 percent of everyones contract we could put in place a strong union that would improve everything from race conditions to health benefits.

And that’s all the questions we had time for, that noise you hear is the sound of Christian adding my email address to his spam filter.