Giro de Italia 2010

by Phil Penman

Basso, Basso, Basso, now if only my master plan to take him out by dropping a large rock from the top of a bridge panned out as he raced up the uphill time trial, would we still be having to watch him smile as he so easily crushes the 20 percent grades of the Dolomites.

My yearly mission with Thomson bike tours begins with a phone call from Andy, a ride leader, saying " sure you really want to ride this? " This was to be my 4th year in a row with the guys, two trips to the Alps, and last year to the Pyrenees to watch that little spaniard Alberto "I like to wear dodgy white suits" Contador dancing away on those pedals.

This year’s trip started in Austria. After being picked up from Venice, and a small drive later, about 34 of us did the usual ‘stare each other down and figure out who could actually ride’. The group is always made up of different abilities a, b, c group etc.

I took off with the A group for what was supposed to be a small 25 mile warm up ride, if putting out 35km average at threshold is warm up I was to be completely fucked and perhaps a week of watching the Giro on television at a bar downing cheap wine and screaming bad Italian would be more to my speed.

The hotel in Austria was good but I am sure the staff don’t wear Heidi from the hills outfits all the time. The owner however was polite enough to point out that the hotel was older than the USA, as she gave a history lesson and performed Sound of Music impressions, always appreciated.

The riding started with a gentle Passo Zoncolan, son of a bitch! What idiot would include that thing in a race? And why would we have our vantage point on it? All very good questions. Alas, all had not been asked by me. Described as the hardest climb of all the grand tours, this thing just does not quit. 9km in the middle with an average of 15 percent. However, the profile maps fail to point that the averages are based on a 1km base. Basically, if you find a nice downhill bit you know the next part is 20 percent and upwards.

Oh, if anyone knows where the guy that does those profile maps lives, give me the heads up. I have a meeting between my front door keys and his car.

A few of us made it up it, but racing up the first two climbs before we got to Zoncolan was not the best of ideas. Those that cranked it on those paid the price on Zoncolan. If you don’t pay this mountain respect it will just chew you up and spit you out and have you considering sex change operations and whether there is a god, and if there is WTF!

Reached the top and then started the descent back down to watch our satellite television and drink cheap San Miguel beer under our tent at the vantage point on the climb. After a couple of hours of listening to an annoyingly loud white van shouting Italian jibber jabber and trying to sell pink clothing for all, the pros came through. They gave a fine demonstration of how to look like a man who has just shoved a broom stick up his arse, and shouted " pain, just gotta love pain". Actually, I believe the same face I did an impression of earlier, but whilst crawling on my hands and knees at the same time.

Once the race is done you quickly rush to put your sweat ridden cycling clothes back on and say "daddy please can we ride up the mountains back into Austria?" All said and done, finished the day with 12,500 ft of climbing and another 110km of riding in my legs.

After having spent another night in compression socks , considering blood transfusions with my roommate and drinking gross "large" Austrian beers (best recovery drink in the world by the way) we started another day of self inflicted torture.

No Giro to watch today, just ride, 10’500 ft of climbing and another 140km in the legs passing over the white Dolomite mountains. I swear someone just used paint on the tops to make it look more dramatic.

We completed Kartischer Sattel, Collie s de Angelo, Passo tri Croci and Passo Giau (by far the hardest of the day) managed to bonk badly on this one, grabbing at choc blocks, water, anything to just get through it. Around 3km from the top you are just gasping for air as altitude gets to you.

We begin our descent after doing the usual photo op in front of a sign with the look of  "wish you were here, struggling through this with me" before heading down into the town of Algehee.

Our second hotel was on a lake with beautiful mountains surrounding them, tired riders everywhere, I decided to buy a beer at the bar, everything is great , Frank Sinatra playing in the background, looking out at a lake, not all bad really.

Then just when I think life is great, the lack of food kicks in, face goes "hint of white" and sickness kicks in, group leader announces they are doing a free welcoming drink outside. Being English, I am ashamed to say it’s probably the first ever free drink I have turned down, instead opting for the sprint to the bathroom and throwing any energy bar crap down my mouth that I could find.

After group discussion about the next day, it’s announced tomorrow will be a rest day ride. Now, this is not like easy loops around Central Park or coffee in Nyack, no, recovery ride means only 9300 ft of climbing and just over 100km.

The recovery part was watching the pros do the uphill time trial, unreal! It had to be seen to be believed, steady 12 percent at beginning 18 percents in the middle and just when you feel your heart rate is not high enough, 24 percent to finish it off.

After a great rest day, the group decided to pick it up again with Passo Fedaia. This has a section in it where you can see straight up for around 3km or so. However, it’s about 15-18 percent, so basically head down and don’t even think of looking up , we tried a lead out train but 8km and hour just does not feel the same as HTC Columbia’s.

When you feel like the climb is over, the usual 18 percent switchbacks kick in again, cannot remember seeing any 5 percent and think if I did i would start to attack as if going through a delirious feeling of believing it to be flat.

Seeing as this was a non rest day, we continued to do Passo Sella, Gardenia, and Vapolera before heading home. Again, we covered around 120km with around 10,000ft.

The next day we had planned to do Passo Stelvio. But due to road closure and heavy amounts of snow it was a no go. Think everyone had wanted to do it but legs were starting to feel fatigued and figured rest day would be nice. That’s exactly what it would have been if we had a rest day.

No, Peter (tour organizer) managed to find Passo Duran and another climb for us to do instead. Then a nice 5 hr bus tour, driving into Switzerland and back into Italy.
Nice toilet break at a gas station halfway through the ride. The place was full of old men watching the Giro on television trying to make their cappuccinos last the duration of the race. In the end, disgruntled employees kicked the old men out. The young guys with tanker trucks holding up the gas pump line did not go down well either.

Later that night we arrived in Bormio. We had the traditional 5 course meal (when in Rome , do as the Romans do etc etc). This was followed by team talk discussing Passo Mortiolo and how we were going to have to crack this bastard of a climb. It’s not as bad as the Zoncolan. But Lance described it as the hardest climb he had ever done. But then again, I guess he had never done Zoncolan.

The "A" group started with the usual surge, surge, break surge, trying to break us all in the 35km descent / flat leading up to the climb. We were riding at race pace, I am not sure why the hell we were, just figured everyone just could not wait to vomit on their handlebars or something like that.

Feeling like a Liquigas train with young Szymd at the front , I ramped up the pace with two guys on my wheel cracking the group. The two guys came round me (oh did I not say this was a tour group, well let’s say we are a tour group with a mission to see the views as fast as we could). The record for this climb is 42 min set by Marco Pantani. I did 1hr 1 min, a little off his pace but being bald myself, I figured it was worth a crack (although my Aunt buys me Rogaine for every Christmas present, hint, hint, it is not coming back).

Watched the pros come by again and have to take my hat off to Cadel Evans, watching his veins popping out of his head really made me change my opinion of him. Never was really a fan but watching him ride the Giro really helped me change my mind.

Nice little 40km steady climb home back into Bormio passing an Nyvelocity rider on the way. Sorry I did not stop, just figured I would never have made it back onto the bike if I did.

Finished the next day with a nice morning ride up the backside of Stelvio. 22km long and 5000ft of climbing, not a bad climb outside your door really. Considered doing repeats but the option to watch the peloton leave the town of Bormio and see Bradley Wiggins get all frustrated when two podium girls try to take off his helmet for a picture was much better.

After about 60,000ft of climbing I can say I have truly had a Giro experience and have great respect for the pros. Just amazing to see them slug it out everyday. Once you have ridden the same climbs it really puts what the pros do into context.