The big day is here, it’s the tour time trial showdown! Will Alberto dominate? Will Schleck use the anger in his tummy to ride the time trial of a lifetime? Will Bert Grabsch take it easy and remain lantern rouge?

There’s been a lot of talk from Andy Schleck hinting that there may be some fireworks coming before each day’s stage that could affect the outcome of the Tour ( I do love his "anger in the stomach" line), I’m not sure if he’s promised any pyrotechnics today, but I hope not, as it’s beginning to sound like a hydrant threatening to douse the dog that’s been soaking it for three weeks. Today will tell if the Luxen-dog has its day.

Today is a classic tds stage as I am watching VS on my Tivo and I don’t have to talk to anyone, it’s a bit lonelier, but I shall muddle through.

Live Race

Fabian has set the fastest time of the day in a cloud of dust and hair product. 

Johan Van Summeren gets 20 yards before his Schleck brand chain puts him on the pavement. JV tears the sleeves off the team mechanic’s shirt, which is the worst thing he can think to do to anyone.

Lance is about to start, there’s a lot of crowd noise, he looks like he’s trying to remember the word for "jerk" from his freshman French class.

Wiggo is out on the road now and he has a plastic comma on his head. Punctuation=speed.

Ventura does a tech piece on Andy Schleck’s Specialized Shiv, which is the same bike Alberto will be using. Has there ever been a situation like this, with two racers battling for the Tour using the same TT frame? I know that in previous Tours the organizers mandated each rider use the same bike (manufactured in France by the Beloit Sadness Works), but in modern times riders competing on identical bikes is an unprecedented notion. Well, they aren’t exactly identical, Andy’s colored on his.

Gadret about to start, he’s using Roche’s front wheel.

Roche starts, begins his race to chase down Gadret and punch him. 

Lance on the road, his bike has "unity" written on it. Lance to soon be reunited with a cavity search.

Ugh, I have to fast forward, this is ridiculous.

Schleck warms up, listening to the Curious George audio book.

Horner about to begin his assault on getting his ass fired from the Shack.

Sammy Sanchez about to start.

Grabsch third on the day so far, putting the lanterne rouge in jeopardy!

Schleck about to start, no shots of Berto warming up, did Lance and Johan arrange his ride to the start for old time’s sake?

Andy about to start, is he Razzy or is he Greggie?

Contador is at the start, is he about sixty minutes away from another awkward facial caress with Schleck?

Bert’s off. And yes, his shooting finger logo is so terrible that it made my copy of Adobe Illustrator commit suicide.

Moreau finishing, tongue out, perennial slowness affirmed. Farewell Christophe! Tenth place won’t be the same without you.

Menchov has an triathlon ass bottle! What’s more appetizing than a drink pulled from your rear end?

Menchov is passing Sanchez for third.

Schleck is hanging tough with Contador, tummy anger trumping a dropped chain attack? 

Schleck ahead at the first check! Berto’s lost six seconds! Did Andy fashion a bike motor out of Play Doh on his hotel room last night?

Schleck looks remarkably comfortable for a guy pedaling a bike from the second story.

Berto’s gained back two seconds, Menchov’s consumed all of his butt water.

Berto is pedaling his bike like a dog dragging its butt on the carpet. One, two, three strokes, slide back. It’s a mesmerizing rhythum.

Sanchez dropping in the GC like expectations at closing time.

Second time check for Andy is 46:52, Berto’s at 46;46. Contador’s gaining on Schleck. This is not so much a great Andy ride as it is a terrible Alberto ride, as Berto normally hits at least the top ten in TTs. I fully expect to read a press release about a pre-Tour case of the runs for Contador on Monday.

Rodriguez is eleven minutes behind Fabian at the line, he could lose his position to Ryder.

Contador gains on Schleck at the third time check, still rubbing on that carpet.

Sanchez finishes, drops two minutes to Menchov and his pocket full of plumber’s drink. 

They show a replay of Schleck appearing to have chain issues again. There’s no advertising like sponsoring a pro team is there? You can almost hear geeks Googling "Saxo Bank chain supplier" right now.

Phil and Paul remarking about how Andy’s improved his TT-ing as he’s dominating his way to 44th place on the day. Once again, not a great TT by Andy, just a not good one by Contador.

Berto finishes 35th, about 25 places back from where he usually finishes in TTs, just not-terrible enough to win the Tour.