After Sunday’s stage to Verbier, it seems like the rest of this year’s Tour is going to be a fait accompli, with Alberto Contador cruising to victory, Lance Armstrong morphing into the most awesome teammate ever, and Cadel Evans shrieking and slapping at every moto driver that gets within a foot of him. But there’s a lot of racing left, and anything can happen. Saxo Bank and Andy Schleck may have some surprises in store, Cadel may attack (seriously – don’t laugh), and Contador may actually pick up and read one of the scripts that get dropped off in front of his hotel door every day.

Preview
Stage 1
Stage 2
Stage 3
Stage 4
Stage 5
Stage 6
Stage 7
Stage 8
Stage 9
Stage 10
Stage 11
Stage 12
Stage 13
Stage 14
Stage 15

It was a pretty quiet rest day, except for the fact that Carlos Sastre talked to the press and has evidently lost his marbles. Apparently, he’s tired of getting asked questions about Lance and Alberto. From Velonews.com:

"I think it’s disrespectful, as defending champion, to always be faced with questions about Lance Armstrong and Alberto Contador," said Sastre. "For months you’ve been creating a rivalry between Armstrong and Contador, and now that the race has become boring and there’s nothing more to write about you turn to me and expect me to do something … but I’m not a box of magic tricks."

He does have a point, it must get really old getting asked about other riders when you’re the reigning Tour champ, but whining to the media about the media doesn’t work, the best way to deal with this situation is to release a sex tape. Carlos continues though.

"There are some riders who don’t want me to win this Tour," added Sastre, who hinted he had been the victim of some dirty tricks.

Carlos, I can help you with this one, there are about 150 riders who don’t want you to win this Tour. It’s their job, actually. And speaking of doing your job, there’s a delightful rider diary from Nicolas Roche recounting his time in the break from stage 14 – where he was sitting on to help Nocentini defend the yellow jersey. It seems that Benati, Willems and Righi forgot what bike racing was like and were giving Roche grief for sitting on, when team orders dictated he do no work. Roche took umbrage to their abuse and decided to discuss it with Bennati the next day.

This morning before the start, I waited along with the Italian media outside the Liquigas team bus. We were all waiting on one man — Daniel Bennati. While they were waiting to grab him for a few words, I was waiting to grab him by the throat — and that’s exactly what I did, in front of the press.

I told him he needed to give me some respect and that he would have done exactly the same thing as I did the day before, had he been in my shoes. You do whatever your team manager tells you. If he tells you not to ride, you don’t ride. If he didn’t understand that the priority was the yellow jersey on my team, then he doesn’t understand cycling.

Now that’s a reaction to some bad press.

Stage 16

123K to go, OH DEAR GOD!!! I tune in and it’s Pelli Bawm Chicka Bawm Bawm and Karpets away off the front! The mullet and the man perm?! Could this be the greatest hair-based break of all time?

I’ve got to take advantage of this while I can here, I don’t think Pelli Bawm Chicka Bawm Bawm and Karpets will last long, they may hit the next climb out front, but not much more than that. And I feel that Karpets needs some sort of automatic phrase, and since he looks like a roadie for Yngwie Malmsteen, his phrase might be an air guitar noise, something like "wah wa wa wa wa owwww".

The pack hits the descent now, and we get a shot of Fabian descending to catch the field. Yes!! There’s nothing better than watching Fab go downhill! He’s surfing between the white lines – ™Tom Boonen.

They interview Frank Schleck about his crash in the Tour de Suisse – how he talks about that without squealing and releasing a bit of pee pee in fear is beyond me.

102k to go, the greatest hair-based break of all time has 2:51. Really? What would be a better hair break? Would it have to be a combo of Phil Specter and Furface the Lion from the Hair Bear Bunch?

Here’s an interview with VDV, he’s pledging to help Wiggo now. I’m pouring out my Choc Full of Nuts on my office floor.

Here’s the Astana team car with the Hog on the radio trying to find a rhyme for aching loins.

Since today doesn’t end on the top of the last climb, today might not be incredibly decisive, as riders are anxious about tomorrow’s big stage.

88k to go, Pelli Bawm Chicka Bawm Bawm and Karpets wah wa wa wa wa owwww are off the front still and discussing plans to go halfsies on an awesome van that they fix up with a hot tub and then they can get Vladimir’s cousin to airbrush a tiger and some chicks on the side – they are having a dispute on what to name the van though…

81k to go, they pass the sprint line and Pelli Bawm Chicka Bawm Bawm yells out "Lady Killer". Karpets wah wa wa wa wa owwww responds with "White Rushin’". Is this a dispute that could eventually eclipse "chase-gate"?

It’s stage 16 and are we seeing the first Contador profile here? Levi anxiously looks from side to side as he says that Alberto is "really good".

73k to go, Pelli Bawm Chicka Bawm Bawm shouts out "Italian Galleon", but Karpets wah wa wa wa wa owwww counters with "Don’t Come Knockin’". It’s getting to be a real battle out there.

67k to go, Pelli Bawm Chicka Bawm Bawm calls out "Pellihotti", Karpets wah wa wa wa wa owwww counters with "Karpet Muncher". This is a desperate battle!

Here’s an Andy Schleck interview, he’s just so damn cute! He finishes the interview and gets back to his Legos.

63k to go, Karpets wah wa wa wa wa owwww tries tossing out "Shag Buggy" because you know, shag carpet? Pelli Bawm Chicka Bawm Bawm says it’s a stretch and throws "Haulin’ Class" out there.

As Pelli Bawm Chicka Bawm Bawm and Karpets wah wa wa wa wa owwww fall back they have one last exchange, Pelli Bawm Chicka Bawm Bawm seems set on "The Look-Mobile", and Karpets wah wa wa wa wa owwww has settled on "Rugs and Kisses". I expect this drama to play out in the international press.

Here’s a Lance interview. He says that today’s stage may not be so decisive. And the race is not over yet. No phallometer points deducted there.

Hog gives out the strategy in English, switches over to Spanish and tells everyone that the stage is over and it’s time to return to the hotel.

51k to go, the pack will be hitting the climb soon, the break of 18 has 4:21, we begin an extended period of water-treading here.

The overhead view of the climb looks like a shot of the best slot car track ever.

48k to go, Astana is setting the pace at the front of the peloton, a Silence Lotto guy goes off the front, perhaps setting up a move for Cadel? No, seriously…

I am almost at the point where I want to book the freecreditreport.com band a charter flight with Buddy Holly Airlines.

46k to go, Lefevre attacks the break and gets about 100 meters – a "French interval" as it’s known.

Saxo is at the front, trying to get the Schlecks off. How dirty does that sound?

Menchov seems to be exploding, not that you can tell. He has the same face whether he’s winning, losing, or renewing his driver’s license.

41k to go, the members of the break are jumping one another – another very dirty sounding sentence.

40k to go, we are getting to about 10k from the summit. The Sø/örensen Saxo combo is working at the front, displaying umlaut/"that ‘o’ with a slash" pride.

38k to go, guys are jumping from the break, but Pellizotti is Bawm Chicka Bawm Bawm-ing their moves.

Chris Anker Sørensen still working at the front, slashy "o" wins!

Van den Broeck and Pellizotti Bawm Chicka Bawm Bawm are off the front together of the race

35k to go, there goes Andy Schleck! Contador and Kloden follow, Wiggo is there, as is Frank Schleck. Lance is back with the domestiques.

Wiggo looks good up front, the Schlecks are pushing the pace, Bjarne radios to tell Andy to follow anyone but Frank on the descent.

33k to go, Lance jumps to defend his GC position from Kloden (and drops a phallometer point), which Paul claims is "playing the team game". Kirchen follows, VDV moves up to Lance, and doesn’t pull through, as he understands how to be a teammate.

Lance rids himself of the others, passes Frank Schleck, and radios the Hog to tell the guys at the front that he’s coming up to "help".

From the car, Johan says, "Very good, Lance is back, Frank Schleck is dropped".

The Schleck move has been nullified, the chase group riders start to catch back on.

Pellizotti Bawm Chicka Bawm Bawm gets the sprint for the polka dot jersey.

Wiggo leads the now larger group over the summit. VDV looks like he’ll catch back up soon.

The descent begins, after a lot of false drama.

23k to go, OH NO! Jens has a nasty crash on the descent and it looks like he lost control over something in the road, hit the ground hard and then slid a good distance on his chest, arm and face. Oh man! He is not getting up right away. Oh Jens!

20k to go, the front group of four is holding on by 15 seconds, Roche is moving across to the break to choke out whoever he can come into contact with.

No word on Jens, not a good sign.

The positions on the road should hold for the remainder of the descent barring any mishaps or, um, shootings.

The most dramatic news of the day will probably be whether Jens has abandoned or not. He was sliding along the road in a "I can’t raise my arm due to a broken collarbone" type manner.

12k to go, Zabriskie is trying to collect the two front groups and screw Cadel mostly.

Cadel has been gapped from the yellow jersey group, he should be able to make up that distance on the descent – wait for it… Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!

8k to go, Zabriskie still pulling, Cadel weeping seconds. It’s 1:04 to the front group.

5k to go, the front eight may end up finishing together.

3k to go, and the eight are almost together.

2k Astarloza goes, he’s got a downhill lead out here.

He’s holding with 1k to go. He is flying.

Astarloza holds it and wins for the first time in his career.

The yellow group comes in together.

Cadel still out on the course, despairing.