tour day schmalz 2011 stage 18

Boom

Today’s stage is a big one, with three HC climbs and a finish atop the Galibier (without a descent towards the finish, which should make Andy Schleck happy), and after yesterday’s wild and mostly unpredictable finish; I’m expecting big things today.

Yesterday saw Tommy (the bad mother) Voeckler make a descending mistake and roll into some guy’s driveway on a descent, we saw the Schleck Brothers NOT lose any time on a finish after a descent and we saw the emergence of the new Spanish power duo, Contador and Sanchez (Sanberto?). It was an interesting day, to say the least.

It also looks like Cadel Evans is in a great position to win the Tour, all he has to do it cover the attacks in the hills (ah covering stuff, Cadel’s first true love…) and wait for the coming Schleck implosion in the ITT. Certainly Sanberto will be a pesky nuisance in the next two stages, but he’s been able to defend and even flourish when the race has been aggressive in the mountains. If he can handle those stresses, he should be a winner in Paris. Adding to the pressure is the announcement from Australia that a member of parliament is pushing for a national holiday if Cadel wins. I get most of my knowledge about Australia from TV commercials, so I know that they are big party animals that are always burning something on their grills—so Cadel better bring the win, because he’ll have a whole country of revelers mad at him for not getting an extra day off work.

Today will also see whether Alberto will alter his "one mountain" strategy. It may take more than one summit to take back the time he needs to get on Cadel. I think he’ll need to attack on the Izoard to drop Cadel and use the descent with Sanchez to scare off the Schlecks before they get to the Galibier.

And a note to Tommy Voeckler—you only have to watch Cadel. He’s closest to you on the GC, and he has to chase, so just follow Cadel. There’s no need to chase everything down like a methed up terrier—that’s not going to help you.

There’s a breakaway of 19 riders, with Baby Roche in there. All the teams have a drone in there—there’s no way these guys go anywhere today. Hoogie is there though, good times.

If I were announcing this stage, I would play a game with myself where I said, "That’s Roche in the brown shorts" and try to not giggle.

104k to go, Andy’s mom just let him get on Facebook, he’s trying to find the "unlike" button on all of Alberto’s photos.

101k to go, Monfort gets a whack from a spectator on the side of the road who’s looking at the camera, can we please get the French TV car to clear the race route?

99k to go, Tyler is all over the doctor’s car, that is not a good sign.

98k to go, Zeits jumps for the hell of it. Gilbert jumps, because he knows how to race bikes.

These Ks are passing slower than Larry King’s partially digested oatmeal.

Dumoulin and Levi best never head to an Aussie bar, lest they inadvertently become "toss-ees".

It’s a little known fact, but Alberto Contador has "teammates".

Fabian is dropping to the back of the pack, who will cuddle Andy down this descent?

95k to go, Stuey is working at the front, will drop off soon, and finish the day with tuck in duties for Andy.

94k to go, Contador is at the back of the pack—is he bluffing or does he know the Schlecks are terrible descenders and Cadel loves to follow wheels?

Here comes the descent, the Schlecks switch their hazard blinkers on.

We can only be glad the Tour organizers haven’t included a farmer’s market in the route today.

81k to go, Sky is taking the youngest rider competition seriously because that’s all they have left to live for.

78k to go, today is the type of stage that really gets Phil confused, look for him to announce an attack by Chiappucci.

75k to go, how do you know your Tour is not going as planned? You are working for Rigoberto Uran.

The guys in the chase want Jeannesson to leave as Sky is chasing, and they prefer to screw up the stage finish by themselves.

71 k to go, Paul just did a description of the "Fairy Chimney" rock formation—without giggling!

We’re descending to the Izoard, where we’ll find out if Berto is bluffing, if Voeckler can hang in and if Basso is on the side of the milk carton.

Voeckler has jumped up to a group that contains Gilbert—they’re racing bikes!! Andy radios to the team car to say "No fair!"

Hoogie is still on the front. A Shack rider pulls over, because, everyone else on the team is doing it…

Frank waves the cameras away, "Knock it off, mom doesn’t know I’m trying to win!"

60-something K to go, the pack is "gruppo compacto" which is Italian for "we are waiting for Alberto to do something".

If you predicted that Voeckler would have a stronger team than Alberto you are a filthy liar!

Also, grupetto is the Italian term for Cav’s clubhouse.

63k to go, Posthuma is working in the break to get his ass fired.

62k to go, Bouet is working hard in his brown shorts, that will NEVER get old.

Jens goes to the front, dentists across the nation swoon.

62k to go, Linus in the back, sadly that phrase sounds dirty to me.

It looks like Leopard is setting up for a kitten-like attack on the Izoard. Not for nothing but shouldn’t Posthuma stop working in the break?

60k to go, Andy attacks, that’s so cute! He gets a gap, not a lot of reaction, probably because he’s 2:36 down and descends like a Weeble.

58k to go, it’s Andy vs Spain now, as Euskaltel goes to the front, further draining Alberto’s paypal account.

This is tense because Andy has to make enough time here to accommodate the climb back up the hill he falls off of.

Andy has a minute now over the bunch, this is to be the most entertaining descent of all time!

Andy is making the move that Alberto needs to make, tomorrow is Friday, "freaky Thursday" sound too odd.

56k to go, Andy gets to Posthuma. Posthuma is Dutch for "useless".

Monfort is still ahead for Andy, with his TT skills, how many minutes does Andy need, 90?

Monfort’s duties will be to pace Andy down hill, wipe tears.

Andy’s DS radios ahead to tell him that going down the hill is just like riding the roller coaster at team camp at Six Flags—don’t be afraid!

Wow, 30 seconds into the descent and Andy almost digs it, this is like watching Razzy TT!

51k to go, Andy’s in virtual yellow, actual terror.

Monfort taking over tuck in duties on this descent. Andy gives him a push! he grabs the seat, it’s not a bad touch.

Voeckler is dropping ahead of the pack. Contador moving through the guys ahead of him also.

48k to go, we will have to carefully watch the O-shaped "poop meter" on Andy’s backside.

DO NOT cut away from Andy! He’s working his way up to holding Monfort’s hand.

Monfort and Andy are so grabby, are they even going steady?

Uran crashes on the descent, but he’s ok. Keeping Sky from going to plan C, Echaide time!

43k to go, Monfort is totally earning a promise ring today!

40k to go, will Andy’s "two teton" strategy work today? They are not radioing the name of that strategy up to Andy, as he will blush himself off his bike.

38k to go, Sanberto are having a chat at the back of the pack, did Bert send the payment to the wrong email address?

Andy just scratched Posthuma’s name off his Trapper Keeper, adds Monfort’s name surrounded by hearts.

35k to go, Berto has a mechanical during an Andy attack? Did that change take 39 seconds?

Bert being paced by the Euskaltel car, real subtle guys…

34k to go, ANDY HAS SURVIVED THE DESCENT!

Remember Iglinsky? Yeah, he’s in the lead…

It looks like Alberto’s playing a "one teton" strategy. Is one teton enough?

33k to go, BMC chasing on the front now, Voeckler tucked in.

31k to go, wow, Phil says this reminds him of 1987, not even a little reminiscent of 2006?

Iglinsky is getting caught, reaffirms Iglinsky-ness.

Euskaltel at the front, is it really fair that Alberto has 16 teammates?

29k to go, wow, the roadside people art spell out two messages, the secret third message is "we are very lonely people with lots of time on our hands."

27k to go, payment clears, Euskaltel moves to the front.

Slow-mo Voeckler face! French stag films are weird.

2k to the climb, the group is chasing, this is playing right into Voeckler’s hands, is Voeckler secretly Spanish?

Almost 20k to go, drink up boys!

July 21, 2011 the day Andy Schleck sprouted body hair?

21k to go, Andy has 3:37, virtual yellow and got to touch Monfort’s butt, can today get any better?

Nygaard is quietly painting a pony yellow on top of the Galibier…

Andy has 18k to go to adolescence.

Andy desperately clutches the bottle from the team car because he still thinks he’s on the descent.

Garvelo working at the front for Danielson, that’s like racing to a punch in the face.

17k to go, Andy bids Monfort adieu, promises to write him over the summer.

The camera moto is on Cadel, c’mon Cuddles, spray that bike!

Today is just another example of Luxembourg dominating Europe again.

15k to go, seriously guys, time to race, Andy has about 4 minutes.

14k to go, Cav is catching the chasers now.

13.6, Bert goes to the front, is he tired from too much descending?

10.8k to go, Andy away with two others, Roche and Iglinsky. Oops, never mind.

Cadel jumps, gets followed, quits after about 30 seconds, radios to team car to bring tiny dog up to him.

8.7k to go, Andy has over 4 minutes!

It’s Schleck’s education day today.

7k to go, Cadel is chasing and clawing back time, Alberto proving he’s great on the hills, going down them that is…

Andy looking a bit clunky, Cadel is working hard. This would be inspiring if Cadel wasn’t such a twerp.

5.7k to go, the Bad Mother Voeckler is hanging in there.

If you had 5 on the over for Paul mentions of Andy’s French nickname, you are a winner!

5.2k to go, the gap is at 3:20, all due to Cadel’s work.

4.8k to go, wow, Andy looks like he needs a nap now.

3.7k to go, Cadel is doing ALL the work. Voeckler and Basso will be able to close their eyes and see the burned imprint of his butt on their retinas.

Cadel is dragging Voeckler back into yellow.

3k to go for Andy, it’s all about time now. No one coming around Cadel. I sense a 1K jump for glory and time coming.

1.7k to go, Contador is dropped, he was bluffing—yesterday. He grinds his way back to the chase group.

The Bad Mother Voeckler is still there.

1.1k to go, time gap is 3:05, Voeckler need 30-ish seconds to keep yellow.

Yup Cadel and Voeckler have dropped Contador. They are having a "grimace-off" at the front of the race.

Cadel still putting Voeckler into yellow.

Andy wins the clock starts ticking. Gooo Tommy!

It’s a grimace for the ages as Voeckler hangs on to yellow.

BERTO FINISHES BEHIND DANIELSON!

 

30 Comments

Jeff Spicoli

Only person I ever heard say that was officer Lt Catalon who used to come by my Jr High with that very cool display case containing all manner of drugs and paraphernalia. It had the opposite desired effect.

Totto Tigweld

Is it really a good idea to show your rivals how cooked you are at the end of the stage?

Paolo Saddlebag

I am not trying to be argumentative with this question, I want your honest opinion.

Doesn’t this tour seem likes it’s been different than any since the LA domination? Or even MI.?

Rinieri Supple

I love this, reading the same old comments about how this is the cleanest tour etc etc. It’s great that the majority of US cycling fans are still have no clue a about pro cycling because professional teams can take advantage of that. Oh look! Contador got dropped, he must be riding this one clean! Evans rides steady….it’s because he’s clean! This Tour is not fast…..huh? Lovely, keep it up, keep believing the buzz and hype generated by blogs, forums, twitter and the PR people, but remember we as fans are as much to blame. I wonder what will it take. I made me angry back in the 80’s but now it’s comical.

“When I consider life, ’tis all a cheat;
Yet fool’d with hope, men favour the deceit.

Dryden

Helmut Gescheint

My big old morning boner for the Tour ain’t gonna happen tomorrow. It’s over for me. If AC was on form, would Cunego, Danielson and others be within 30 minutes on GC? Was waiting for some good smackdown this year. Maybe 2012.

Turd Fergusson

Totally agree. His rivals don’t exactly expect him to be so fresh and so clean clean at this point. Plus, I mean cut the guy some slack.

xyz

So you would rather have one guy just ride away with the tour ala Lance and Conti in years past versus 3-6 guys totalling racing neck and neck each day with attacks in places that noone would have attacked in the past. This Tour actually looks to be very clean based on speeds and level of racing at the top 10. The fact that Tommy V, the Schlecks, Cadel, Basso, Cunego and Tommy D are all theoretically still capable of winning at this stage is great for racing. This year’s Tour in my opinion is the best since Lance won #1 and looking back that was all against doped riders.

Helmut Gescheint

I don’t want an AC-dominated Tour (or anyone else for that matter). But to my eye, the top contenders spent too much time watching AC and it led to some boring, defensive racing with guys like Danielson, Cunego and others able to hang around. I don’t dislike those guys but seeing them finishing near the front in stage after stage just convinces me that this isn’t the balls-to-the-walls racing that makes for good viewing. I give Week 1 high marks but the rest has been a sub-par for me.

Francesco Brifter

I want to see guys like Fignon and Hinault lighting up the race because that’s how they rode. If they paid for the effort the next day, fine, they’d attack again the day after.

How many GC attacks did we see today? One?

Valentin Ziptie

Well, if he’s been doping the whole time, the results, in terms of consistency, would still be the same, right? In any case, I would argue that Cadel has been the LEAST consistent of the top contenders since his great riding back in 2007.

I find it amusing that people see the relative lower level of competition this year and instantly conclude that it must be clean. No, Sirs. All we see is the absence of a dominant rider, combined with some defensive riding by the top contenders who have shown in the past a general unwillingness to risk defeat through aggression. Remove the aggressors like Vino, and take out Radio Shack from the equation almost entirely, and you get a somewhat more subdued-looking race. This does not equal clean. It merely equals a race led by guys like Evans who are amazing riders but tend not to attack hard. Gotta hand it to AS today, but I still don’t see his attack as clearly risking his position in the GC. If it failed, he would have simply tucked in and finished with the group. He senses that there is no dominance from Conto or others, so the attack is lower risk. Its just amazing to me that Cadel didnt respond faster, but thats his style – dont do the work on front unless he absolutely has to. Sadly for him, it took a while for him to realize that today was up to him, with no help from Conto who was just hanging on with his Giro-tired legs.

Noa Sealant

Looks like today is the day Andy hit puberty. He made a ballsy move and kept it till the end. Good for him. I will say that most of the attacks this year have been pretty weak. One of the GC contenders attacks for 20 seconds and then takes a break for 10 minutes. Tomorrow should be another good day to watch.

Tristan Tubie

my observations (and speculations) are that cunego was doped to the gills when he won the giro – he recognized early that getting busted was more likely when dpoing in prep for a 3 week tour than for just one day rides – in the past tours he couldn’t even compete – now the tour is clean(er) and he’s back into the top 5 – 10 at the end. AC saw that he couldn’t get away with a doping program for 2 tours in the same year and his performce shows it – he looks “human”. we’re not going to see dominating 3 week racing without doping – I for one am enjoying this years tour more than any i’ve watched (since pre-lance btw)

Nipple wrench

Its exciting to see guys hit 70+ home runs in a season and launch the ball 500-600 ft.

Its exciting to see the 100 meter record lowered by tenths rather than hundreds of a second

Its entertaining to see the top cyclists in the tour attack, attack and attack, again and again and again

…and then we learn that doping helped make it happen.

So, the racing is not as “thrilling” perhaps in terms of individual performances (i.e Cadel could very well win this tour without winning a stage and without anything that resembles an “attack” more than his going to the front, standing up and setting the tempo all the way up the Galibier today), BUT, if we don’t want them to dope – this is more realistic – and still superhuman – we just got spoiled by seeing some outrageous recent performances…combined with the fact that there also appears to be more parity among the top riders now.

Turd Fergusson

I love how suddenly EVERYONE was watching the tour and a huge cycling fan “Pre-Lance.” It’s like when the World Cup comes around every four years suddenly everyone’s an expert on the goingson of international “Football.”

Piero Tubular

“AC saw that he couldn’t get away with a doping program for 2 tours in the same year and his performce shows it – he looks “human”.”

maybe he looks human because he a) won the giro already and b) has crashed 4 times already this tour.
that might explain something, no?

Valentin Ziptie

Actually I think a lot of Cadel’s inconsistency is explainable by individual circumstances. Last year he had a hairline fracture, for example. He was out much like Lance was from crashing. Prior years he had some issues too, but magnified by Contos dominance so it was only inconsistent by comparison. I see his riding when healhty as pretty much consistent. Its the competition that seems to come and go.

I dont buy that Conto is clean, or only doped for Giro. Once a doper, you think he would just drop it? After he figured out how to work the program? The catch last year was a stupid abberation. He is losing because even with “help” you cant have fresh legs after a 3 week Giro. The dope doesnt work miracles like that. He’s doing pretty damn well, considering. He just lacks the last few percent of power from tired legs.

Just because they are tight this year doesnt mean its all clean. Common people – Dont be chumps and fall into that line that its too hard to do now so they all gave up. How many times have we heard that? Doping ain’t hard to do – its hard to get caught if done well! They know that, so they would be crazy to just up and stop because they are scared.

Gherardo Grips

Since when is watching a doped up athlete exciting? If anything it’s comically sad. Like they say, only dopes do dope.

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