G-Cubes
Confession: I got in a fight with a car. I am an inveterate car slapper. When a car comes into my personal space, whether on bike or on foot, my instinct is to let the driver know I’m there by putting my hand on a body panel or window in such a way to make the driver wonder what he just hit.Last week in Central Park, after 7am with the cars, I was in the bike lane going past the barriers to the car-free part of the park. Then a car was right there with me, swerving around the barriers. A car had not been that close tome on my bike since the last time a car actually hit me.
The short car could not be slapped, but it was in prime kicking range. Part self-defense, part rage response, I kicked it good and instantly had the “Oh, shit!” moment where I remember that there are millions of undercover and off-duty cops, not to mention armed criminals,driving around New York at any given moment. But this was just a guy with a permit to be in the park, he claimed, and now he was pissed.
By the top of Cat’s Paw he had determined that I had scratched his car, which I indeed had done but not intended to do, and it became clear that unless I chose to evade him we were going to have a very tense conversation. It went something like this, with his buddy standing by for reinforcement:
“Why did you scratch my car?”
“I was angry. You almost hit me. You put my life in danger. I didn’t mean to scratch it.”
“Who’s going to pay for it?”
“I don’t know.”
“Who’s going to pay for it?”
“I don’t know.”
“And if I hit you now, I’m wrong.”
That’s when I knew that he had been thinking about kicking my ass, which would not be very hard, especially because between the two of them they weighed at least four times as much as me.
Then they drove off and I started to think of all the things I should have said and that yes, I had crossed the line, and once again I admonished myself not to react to cars.
Now for some sugar, or sucrose and glucose. 
I like to poke around in the less traveled areas of my local supermarkets. Usually I’m interested in calf tongue and lamb kidneys and the like, primarily for curiosity’s sake. At C-Town last week I made a huge find:A couple of cases of guava paste bricks on sale. Hmmmm…..looks and feels like Clif Bloks…I just ordered gels at about $1 for 100 calories….let’s see….1400 calories for 99 cents!?….failures of worldwide food distribution…..guava pulp…..sugar…glucose….pectin…citric acid.
These firm bricks, jelled with pectin, taste great and arevery edible. The texture is less chewy than Clif Bloks with a little graininess that reminds me of ripe pear. The paste doesn’t stick to teeth and is easy to swallow. But can it be made to hold up in a jersey pocket in the summer?
Guava paste is not an equal substitute for gels or commercial sports food. It lacks added salts and electrolytes present in almost all gels,etc. Some researchers have found that sports drinks don’t really affect sodium levels and cramping in a beneficial way. But if it works for you, or you think it does, then by all means keep doing it, they say. A good candy bar probably has everything you need anyway.
I cut the paste into cubes (G-Cubes?), tossed them in sugar and left them out overnight to dry a little. The package says to refrigerate after opening, but with all that sugar in and on the paste I can’t imagine anything is going to start growing right away.
The cubes held together very well in a plastic bag in the jersey. Summer might be another matter. If you wanted to get crazy you could toss them in some combination of sugar, salt, opened electrolyte capsules,ground up caffeine pills, aspirin, etc. People use all kinds of brews and incantations to avoid cramps, so why not?
i once got in a fight with a 300-lb Super Shuttle driver after doing something very similar. just a slap on the side of his van. He actually had passengers in his van when he pulled over. I shouldn’t have done it, but i was so full of rage after he intentionally cut me off. The fact is, it’s no easy task to avoid reaction to reckless and idiotic drivers. I wouldn’t judge anyone for doing anything to a car in this city. Maybe cyclists should take self defense lessons.
ever heard of the “cycle of violence” we live in today? Violence DOES NOT create LASTING peace! The one getting picked on becomes the abuser, look at USA!
In most cases a cyclist will get much more done by speaking to the driver than kicking his car.
lasting peace? that’s about as possible as the enternal motion machine.
me and tyler durden smashing cars with baseball bats
no real change for the positive ever comes about in this world without violence.
democracy came about via violent overthrows of monarchies. human rights, civil rights, gay rights, economic rights, etc…no one ever gets these without having to fight violently for them first.
please don’t say anything about ghandi or mlk, or the like. yes, they existed, but the real reason folk in india got rid of the english, and african americans got their civil rights in the usa, was because of the violence of the anti-english insurgency in India, and riots and various other violent episodes in the streets of the usa.
and so it is also true for cyclists in their predicament with motor vehicles. things will always be tilted in favor of the motor vehicles until cyclist fight back.
I admit responsibility and would apologize for letting the situation get out of hand even though I won the battle against the homicidal cabbie.
Letting a situation degenerate into keying or vandalism is asking for trouble. Even if the driver doesn’t or can’t do anything to get back at you, they might take it out on another cyclist instead.
Think about this and try and keep a level head. It’s the only way to win. Lunacy does not cancel out idiocy.
Cyclists surround an Escalade or Hummer whose driver ignores the traffic closing hours. Driver hauled out as gas is poured on the vehicle and then lit.
you must be very weak if you can’t put an ice pick through a rubber tire.
Keying the car is a lot easier, also satisfying, and a just retribution for stupid and reckless drivers in my view. Also, you need your keys anyway.
oh thats really rational thought. Ride around all the time with an ICE PICK. Thats nice, Jason from Friday the 13th. Not like carrying a weapon like that doesnt put you in the mood for confrontation or anything. Dont you think maybe the risk of having an ice pick sticking through your back from a crash outweighs the benefit of having one for the 1 in 100 ride that you actually get badly wronged by a driver? And how easy is it to pierce a car tire anyway with a pick or screwdriver – I doubt its that easy – chances are you would end up hurting yourself in the process, or at least look stupid trying to puncture a tire with repeated little stabs while nothing happens. Great idea, Einstein.
…”never back down, never surrender!”
park: an area of land, usually in a largely natural state, for the enjoyment of the public, having facilities for rest and recreation
ice picks work best, but a screw driver works, too. keep it in the jersey. when someone clips u, honks u, etc…don’t say anything. instead follow them to the next red light and put the ice pick through the sidewall of their rear passenger side tire and split. you’ll feel a lot better, and they’ll think twice before messing with a cyclist again.
the shitty part of actually taking people on when you are out riding is that you are stuck in those clickity-clack shoes and about as stable as a 90 year old, plus look like a total dork in your kit (read skinny playground bully meat like 2nd grade), and are hanging onto a $3-5k bike that can easily be smashed by an aggressor. I yell all the time, but when push comes to shove I just ride off instead of jumping off the bike to engage in combat looking like a clown wearing glass slippers. Totally diff story though if Im on street shoes and my fixie. any cabbies mess with me and Id break the damn window.
On my way out yesterday I saw a cyclist and cabbie screaming at each other at 59th and 6th. The cabbie was out of the cab and the cyclist was brandishing his bike in self defense.
I was walking with a friend years ago and we were buzzed by a bus. She screamed at the driver ‘I hope someone you love gets killed by a bus!’
I was riding in Manhattan last week with a friend. We were taking a full lane, but there wasn’t a lot of traffic and my friend was riding on the outside.
A cabbie honked at us, then proceeded to accelerate and buzz my friend. This wouldn’t have bothered me but the fact that I saw it happening to a friend made me feel angry and protective.
At the light I pulled up next to the cabbie and asked him if such behaviour was necessary. He started to curse at me so I folded his passenger side mirror inwards. This doesn’t damage the mirror but it is inconvenient.
To my surprise that incited him into such a rage that he blew the red light and tried and run me over – almost making a U-turn into oncoming traffic. I admit that I was a jerk for folding in his mirror but couldn’t believe this was happening.
I don’t know why I didn’t back down right away, instead I yelled back at him to get out of the cab and “bring it”. Of course this angered him further and he shouted that he would run me over and kill me as he attempted to do so. I hopped on the curb and protected myself behind a fire hydrant. I admit I was scared, and then I remembered that I had my heavy kryptonite u-lock easily accessible. He was still shouting at me as I leaned my bike on the hydrant and approached his car from and angle where he wouldn’t be able to run me over. I shouted some nonsense about his trying to run me over being the same as assault with a deadly weapon and reached to open the passenger door. He locked reached for the automatic locks and beat me to it. I reached behind my back for the u-lock and he quickly rolled up the electic passenger window. I banged on it pretty hard (the window)… enough to leave a mark but not hard enough break it. Only at this point did he back down and drive away.
My point being that it is much better to remain level headed and not get angered or emotional about arrogant drivers. I ignored my own rule and that escalated into a dangerous situation quickly.
If you get a chance to interact with drivers who are apathetic to or ignorant of the danger we (cyclists) face, simply ask them if they have kids or if they are married and if so do their kids/spouse ever ride a bike. If they answer no, the next question is to ask if they know anyone who rides a bike, a mother, father, uncle, cousin, friend? When they do answer yes, ask if they would they put that rider/friend in that kind of risky situation?
In bike/motorist combat the motorist always wins by a margin of at least 3,000 pounds of steel.
Aaron, thanks for stepping up and admitting the bad behavior publicly.
Please don’t provoke cars; all it takes is one, angry, impulsive quarter-turn of the steering wheel and that is the last we’ll be reading of your skinny ass.
Of course, I’m just as bad and know I need to stop as well. I once got chased onto the sidewalk by a pissed-off cabby after emptying an bottle of accelerade onto his lap – he had almost made me a hood ornament on a speedy and unannounced U-turn.
Damn, was I furious. When I went clickety-clack back over to the cab – having bunny-hopped the kerb and put my bike in a safe place – he opened his door and told me he was going to kick my @ss. I started shouting like a crazy man that ‘Come on out, and I will feed your G*ddamn teeth to you’ and that gave him pause. One more maniacal ‘Please, please, please get out of the f*cking cab, I would love the opportunity to kill you legally’ was enough to send him on his way. Not before I broke his mirror off. Still have it as a memento.
You say some strange things when you’re all raged up.
(Accelerade works great entered through a sunroof, too.)
Is lame. Nothing positive comes out of it. You either piss off the car driver, get your ass kicked, get yourself in trouble or make youself look like the bad guy. Best to try and calmly explain what the driver did wrong. If they listen then they are ussually good people who did not realize they made a mistake and are willing to learn. If they tell you to piss off then they are a lost cause and all the fighting and cursing in the world wont change them. Be the better person.
If they get out you can tap dance with your clicky cycling shoes to try and scare them away! Or else they will take a stick and knock you over. Put your penis away. Stay on your bike.
yes, if it looks like you can kick their ass. if not, let it go. there’ll be another one along soon.
thanks for the G-Cubes tip, I like Q-bert also…and only fight with cab drivers please, not bus, truck or rickshaw drivers!
but when they pull an asshole move on me it’s often possible to see them again at the next red light. When their window is down, I give them an earful and when its up I give them a fingerful.
you can be dead right and dead. best not to provoke moving vehicles. now, if they stop and get out…
I’m pretty sure it’s better for my mental health to not let close calls bother me. And I agree that my bad behavior just might cause some sociopathic driver to get revenge on some innocent cyclist. But then I think I would gladly take being yelled at or honked at any day over “or worse.” The truth is, though, that this guy already did worse without any provocation. Yes, he could have actually tried to run me down instead of having almost done it in ignorance, but the end result is probably the same. I don’t really think most drivers who have encounters with bikes are going to go out and get revenge. They do need to be shown that almost hitting a bike is bad. But short of doing something at the very moment of the incident, what can we do? I don’t believe that cops have the time or interest in pursuing close calls. Being able to chase a car down and politely knock on the window to ask drivers to please drive safely is pretty rare. So I’m just going to go on trying to stay cool-headed and play it by ear. I can’t think of a good solution for all situations.
the next time that moron sees a cyclist near his car he’s going to lay on the horn, or roll down his window and yell at the person, or worse. if you think that kicking and scratching cars serves as a deterrent to dangerous driving you’re seriously deluded. all it does is give drivers a justification for bad behavior.
except when I am using mine to get to a race.
its perpelexing.
so true. Its us vs them, except when we are one of them and yell back at one of us for being a bad rider.
Off the bike, Ive slapped cars in NYC for nearly hitting me in intersections, and Ive had my car slapped for same reason. Ce la vie.
http://lifeandhealth.guardian.co.uk/wellbeing/story/0,,2266615,00.html
…99% of the time they back down and apologize. 1% of the time they don’t, but they’ll think twice before f’ing with a cyclist the next time.
Cars have no place in CP- ever. Mornings between 8-9 are one big cluster fuck. Just a matter of time before a mom or two with baby joggers get taken out. I’ve seen cars passing at 35 mph+ within inches of a mom with a double wide. Granted the mom is a dope but, just sayin.
Thanks for the guava idea, looks good. I usually eat figs as I’m not that into factory food.
that you were a little out of line with your reaction. I might have done the same though knowing myself and how easily I get confrontational. It is also true that these reactions sometimes brings out the worst in motorists and I’ve witnessed incidents ranging from verbal abuse for no reason to guy who slapped my buddy’s left arm off his handlebar. For no reason other than just being there. We should not be confrontational with motorists and peds but it is so difficult not to say or do something when you feel that they have wronged you and might have put your life at risk.
I had one of the quava squares and I have to say I’ve put in an order. They are really great.
or maybe that guy will now think twice before dangerously riding close to a cyclist. Deterrant or provocation – it works both ways.
Besides there is no way to really “take it out” on other cyclists besides being totally reckless and exposing themselves to lawsuits etc, which most drivers are not going to be.
I entered at 108th path, halfway up HH, and by the time I got to the light at the top, cars were two-breastes behind me, a BMW SUV honked and said I was lucky there was a cop ahead or he would’ve taken me out, with his hand inside his jacket a la Vinnie Bamm Bamm…I said, “yeah right” and gave his license number/state/vehicle make and model to the telephone booth 3 wheeler cop at the cut off…maybe he has some unfinished business with the law or not, but the last thing you want to do is direct confrontation. You will lose no matter what. Carry your cell phone (for emergecy use with CP police # programmed) and thats how you get bad drivers.
Over the years i have broken at least 15 mirrors, put dents in cars, spit on the window or directly at the driver if he deserved it.
now that guy’s going to take it out on the next cyclist he sees in the park. you might get away with kicking a car, and it might make you feel tough, but it’s other riders who bear the consequences.
Fun article.
I bet you had at least a minute of high heart rate adrenaline-driven TH work though as you contemplated your potential bodily injury from the two guys in the car. So you have that going for you, right? 🙂