schmalz’s log 2012 Part 4

by schmalz

Weltschmerz springs eternal

I don’t mean to be obtuse, but I am a bike racer because I race bikes. This is of course a tremendously obvious statement—like stating that cake is tasty or that Paula Deen is 40% butter—but without races there wouldn’t be racing. Nor would there be opportunities for glory, mightiness or chances to match my arm warmers to the highlights in my hair. Once again, at the risk of sounding blatantly simple, without races, there would be no racers.

In New York, the idea that it’s difficult to find races is a silly one, you can simply go out for a ride and almost accidentally find yourself involved in a race. At the height of the season, you can race on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, and on the weekend if there’s no big out of town races. And all of these races are within a 25 mile radius of the city. The number of races is simply astonishing.

To contrast, on a trip to the Midwest over the summer, I brought my bike along in order to get some riding in and renew my familiarity with the assorted bouquets of area farm animal dung. I was tempted to see if I could find a race nearby to test my New York fitness against that of the local racers. (Being an NYC racer, I naturally assumed that I would be in superior condition to the "fly over" racers I would be competing against, because those five pound fanny packs would really weigh those guys down on the climbs.) I checked the internet to see what sort of action there was to be had in the area, and I found nothing. And when I say nothing, I mean absolutely nothing. Not even in Chicago, which was 180 miles away. I was flabbergasted—and I had to return my fanny pack to the local bike shop. Riding with fanny packs is mandatory in the Midwest—who knew?

It seems that if you want to be a racer in other parts of the country you cannot simply get up early on almost any weekend morning or weeknight and roll over to the local bike race. You have to drive long distances, get motel rooms and secure fanny pack storage. It’s quite an endeavor. And if I lived in an area that wasn’t New York, I’m not sure that I’d be a bike racer at all. I don’t have time to travel on weekends, the costs (both financial and marital) of staying at distant locales on weekends would be overwhelming, and the notion of portaging around my racing fanny pack would be discouraging.

We are fortunate in New York, there’s a racer population dense enough (not a put down) to support two to five races a week, there are race courses available (even if it’s at "Oh Dear God" o’clock in the morning), and most importantly, there are people out there willing to put on races, because without race promoters, we would just be a pack of guys getting together in tight clothes in the dark in city parks.

We owe a great debt of gratitude to the people willing to stand by as we whoosh past in a panting cloud of delusion and entitlement. It’s not easy. I can tell you from experience that we are a bunch of whiney, crabby, flighty fools in long sports underwear. We are not fun to deal with, and we should be thankful that anyone decides to cater to our fantasies of athletic triumph, because the option is to fill up your fanny pack with loneliness and ride out to inhale the cow poop.

On a training note, I was busy this week and was barely able to muster the strength to give a hobo’s dump about my bike riding, below is the manifestation of that weltschmerz (thank you thesaurus).

Friday, October 7

Today I rode with Gary S, we talked about you. He was kind. I was not.

Sunday, October 9

Today I woke up fat because I drove to a wedding and substituted appetizers for sweet delicious booze. I decided to try a new route and went up the backside of Skyline Drive (not a euphemism).

Monday, October 10

Tuesday, October 11


Wednesday, October 12

I rode indoors today, and it was mostly revolting.

 

 

Thursday, October 13

 

32 Comments

Notorius

I thought we were racers because we shaved our legs. We wouldn’t have any excuse without racing, so my thanks to the race promoters for keeping my legs kissably smooth, and to other racers who enjoy talking about how fun the final sprint was as though I was actually a part of it. . .

Tuco Salamanca

you should also mention that not only are there so many races per week, but in most years there are races from February (if the first weekend of spring series is still in February) to November (crca turkey race). that’s 10 months a year….

ETwentdowntoo

Dan, You are absolutely right…NYC racers are lucky.
We often take racing for granted and show very little respect for the communities and organizers that put on the race.

I was at an out of town race recently – great course, and fantastic atmosphere. Family, kids, and friends all along the start/finish line cheering. The organizers had plenty of fields for newbies, and kids as well. I saw a handful of NYC racers represented.

And what I see at the start line?
A NYC racer(Let’s just sat I saw him lot at FBF this summer) throwing trash(gels) one after another as we the field stages. Right on to the course, in front of kids and parents.

I see his buddy standing behind the barricades so I quietly advise him that perhaps he tell his racer buddy to pick up the trash. The racer refuses and starts talking shit. I told them both that we represent NYC, many racers/organizers know this, and simply not cool that we do this, because action like this can hurt us all.

I will not mention the racer’s name or the team here, but know that people are watching and talking about you, your team and other fellow racers from NYC…

Antonio Supple

We need to respect promoters and parks. This year I watched a rider from a local “elite” team take a piss on the start line. Very pro. And disgusting. To his credit, he probably won the field sprint that day.

mccarthy

name NAMES! or at least teams.

seriously, shaming is actually a step in the right direction. I’m not kidding. why wouldn’t you?

+1

I hate this “I saw someone doing something wrong so I’m going to whine about it passively to people who did not do something wrong” shit. What the hell does that accomplish? You think racer x is going to wake up and smell the coffee. No! Why? Cuz that’s some weak ass coffee you’re brewing! Man up!

Morelli Steerer

I saw Schmalz at the Tour of the Colt’s Neck, every lap he threw a discarded Little Caesar’s box and a 2 liter of Diet Dr. Pepper into the woods……he did pick them up later, though, for the free Crazy Bread coupons

Matteo Dropout

you are supposed to smugly say” I saw a guy we all know cheat” and then say “guys” to make sure everyone knows you are a pal, “we have to be better” but not say who cheated because you’re a frickin wussie, even when you’re name isn’t connected to your post.

Matteo Dropout

You’ve got it wrong..I have no problem with anon posts, in fact I think it makes it more interesting…I just don’t see why someone would be scared to name names anonymously.

Diego Cage

Ok then as far as I can see, that leaves us with one of two options:

1) You’re saying you’ve never seen or suspected one of your competitors of cheating, breaking the rules or being a general asshole.

Or

2) In order to maintain your policy, you need to start naming names.

Remember, the OP in this case already spoke in person with the guy who was being a jerk. I think his intent in posting was to suggest everyone be contentientous of the impact their behavior has over whether a town wants to invite a race back

Quentin Brifter

In the list of humanity’s problems, I’ll put this classic at the bottom:

“I just don’t see why someone would be scared to name names anonymously.”

ETwentdowntoo

Yes, you are right. I spoke to the guy(or should I say “DICK”) directly.

I have no problem giving his name or the team, but he is not worth being mentioned on this site. My intent was not to point a finger at him, but that we should have some respect for the organizers/community.

Jelly Fork

Strava bomb: the act of getting a couple of buddies together and team time trialing a strava segment.

As in: “We just totally strava bombed the shit out of 9W”.

Matteo Dropout

I’m partially just screwing around. I agree with the OP, and think he did a good thing. I do, however, not understand why he gets sanctimonious at the end and refuses to name names.

Diego Cage

With all due respect. I think you need to re-read these posts. Maybe we differ in that I don’t take OP’s comments as whining anonymously. In fact it Seems he did the opposite of whining anonymously by taking the initiative to speak to the guy’s face.

I think his intent in posting here was to remind others that people notice the assholes more than everyone else. Next thing you know, communities aren’t so interested in holding amateur bike races full of rainbow Lycra clad middle aged manboys who trash their streets. Maybe you’ve never lived in a place where people give a damn, but throwing your garbage on the street isn’t appreciated in most places. I think these towns are pretty gracious to allow a race promoter to shut down their city’s streets all day to hold one of these dog & pony shows. The true economic benefit of bringing a bike race to a town is probably pretty meager. Why be a shitty guest?

Or are you just doing your best to score points in some secret NYVC race to anonymously rant about anonymous rants.? Do I get all your A.R. points noe that I’ve anonymously ranted about you? Can I withdraw from this competition now to avoid having my points stolen by your forthcoming anonymous rant? Fuck, this is stressful.

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