I have blinky lights on my bike, and chances are, if you are reading this, you also have blinky lights on your bike. Blinky lights have become de rigueur among cyclists as of late, because the lights have become easy to use. They can be charged via USB, and they can be strikingly small. They can be installed in seconds, and can last through a very long ride. They are a far cry from the sidewall ripping light generators from our past (well, past if you are old like me). We can set our lights to not blink of course (we can set these light to do all sorts of things), but it feels like we’re more visible when we have a red beacon flashing from beneath our rear ends, and we hope that extra bit of visibility, that constant flashing reminder will keep us from getting squished into the pavement like a slow-moving squirrel.

I have a rather fancy blinky light. In a fit of pandemic thrill-seeking (cyclists have a VERY different conception of thrill-seeking), I splurged and bought a Garmin Varia rear light, which not only has a blinking light, it also has RADAR. If you’re a cyclist, you’ve already thought to yourself, “Yes, radar, cool, we’ve known about this for 5 years.” And there’s no need for you to read any further, Captain Pedantic. But for the rest of us, radar is a pretty cool development, one that was once reserved for only battleships and crooked southern sheriffs looking to make money from speed traps.

I will now announce that Garmin hasn’t given me anything in return for typing about their radar blinker. I type for free. This because: I’m an idiot; and I can’t be bothered to start another part time job begging for bike companies to either sponsor me or send me stuff to review. They should of course, because I’m rad and people listen to me, but life is short and the notion of sending out emails to companies to ask for stuff makes me want to switch places with a squished squirrel.

Now that we’ve established both my sadness and idiocy, let’s talk flashing butt radar. The Varia, like every other bike thing made in 2022, is charged via USB. It joins my front blinky light, my Wahoo and my bike as things that I need to plug in. I’m usually pretty good at keeping things charged, but I’ve had to set up a charging area to keep track of all of these things. Is it a nuisance? Somewhat. But butt radar is well worth it to me. The Varia attaches to my bike via a rubber band mount. The mount has swappable rubber inserts to customize the fit for your seat tube—none of which fit my Venge’s square shaped seat tube. But one insert fits “good enough”, so that’s the one I use. I guess I could design a special insert to 3D print that would fit perfectly, but again, life is short.

You turn the light on and it syncs right up to your computer. I have a Wahoo Element Bolt computer, and although Wahoo and Garmin are sworn enemies in the world of bike computers, my Garmin butt radar synced up immediately to my Wahoo computer, and I’ve never once had a problem with my radar linking. So, congrats on playing well together bike computer conglomerates. 

When my radar is active, a thin “road” appears on the left side of my Wahoo, and it shows tiny cars driving on the road towards me. As they get closer my computer lights up (and probably also makes noise, but I turn off any extra noises on every piece of equipment I own, nothing I own makes noises that I can turn off—except for my idiot oven. Who thought that constant beeping from an over was a good idea? It’s a menace. You’re preheated, I get it.) The graphics of the cars approaching has been very accurate. My butt radar is impressive, and it’s vastly reduced the amount of time I spent looking back towards traffic, which is good. Of course, it’s increased the amount of time I look at my computer, but that’s not a bad trade off. I’ve grown to trust the radar enough that I move over when I see cars coming, but I always check before moving into a lane because I’m paranoid. Butt radar is great and all, but I’m a “belt and suspenders” guys when it comes to drifting into the middle of a lane.

So that’s my “review” of the Garmin butt radar. It’s fantastic. I use it constantly. What more could you ask of a product? Will it help make me safer? Yes it will. Will it prevent me from becoming a squirrel squished by a SUV piloted by a driver who is leaving a heated comment on a reaction to a reaction video on youtube? No, there’s only so much butt radar can accomplish.