Vegas 2006

Pregame

Countdown to Vegas

I’m going in nasty this year. Last year I was bright eyed and hopeful, now I know what I’m in for. There’s even one less day from our trip compared to last year and I’m still not terribly excited. Hold on while I cut and paste that paragraph and email it to the Vegas tourism council.

The Interbike trade show in theory sounds like a good idea. Go and get a look at the latest fancy stuff from bike manufacturers and hob and nob a bit. But in actuality, it’s like being caught in an endless Power Point presentation by “Chip” from marketing. The level of marketing bilge and hyperbole is just grating, and what ends up happening is that you take a loop through the show, see what’s good or bad and go to the bar (the highlight). It can be done in about an hour or two. Any other time spent just costs unnecessary wear and tear on your soul.

The real crux of the show is manufacturers kissing up to shops and distributors to get them to carry their stuff. We come as journalists, and are shunned as we serve no actual purpose there, we can only potentially cause trouble. We are tolerated nuisances. So, you know, that makes for a fun trip.

There are racers trotted out for viewing and the pro racers that do end up at the show carry that same joyful look that polar bears in Arizona zoos have, don’t bother approaching them. Besides, what am I going to do, get an autograph from a downhiller?

Here’s my main problem with the Interbike show – it’s joyless. The Vegas show lacks pointless fun; everything is tediously mercantile and serious. The show needs a little life. And not that hooker/show girl life Vegas shoves down your throat (there’s plenty of that everywhere else), it needs something absolutely nonsensical. How fun would it be to get a booth and a bar and the roller race set up and let it rip? Beer rollers next year! We just have to find a sucker, I mean, sponsor to make it happen!

That being said, I’ve got a new voice recorder so I can tape interviews. So, I can’t wait to go! There, are you happy, Vegas tourism board?

Things that will annoy me this year:

Ink Jet “Paint Jobs”

They’re not paint jobs – ok? You’re printing out stupid little pictures of the Leaning Tower of Pisa and other stupid little pieces of idiocy and slapping them under a coat of clear coat. That does not qualify whatsoever as paint, quit it! Where’s the paint! Where’s the fades? Consider this a notice Colnago – I’m almost over you!

”Bike Bling”

I absolutely cannot stand this phrase, if you use it, I will just walk away; it makes me that angry. First off, the phrase is played out, if the Hiltons sisters use it, it’s out – alright? And you’re a dork shell bike nut, quit trolling for any sort of urban “street cred”.

Aero Bars

I just don’t care. These things are ridiculously expensive and get ridden about 10 times a year, words have not been invented to describe my apathy here, and yet Andy will drag me to see all of these stupid things. Ugh! And yes, Andy and I are beginning to sound like an old married couple, complete with gassy noises!

The Swoops

I am really not convinced about the necessity of bending top tubes on bikes, and I also find it ugly. All the foggy science in the world cannot convince me to buy an ugly bike. That’s that I suppose.