you are brother historicus, do not lie

…but that was another listserv.
Out there somewhere is a compiled list of “Cubisms”– the wonderfully bewildering, yet entertaining, expressions of a mad man who had access to the internet.

Seems that people of the “create an online persona for themselves” tilt are also frustrated, would-be fascist megalomaniacs, and the people who post under their own names are either self-righteous loons or else probably save their more interesting and controversial posts for anonymity. I vote for no poster. Long live wheelsucker.

Just jumped the shark.

I agree – wheelsucker is actually a really clever fellow. He occasionally comes out with some really pithy and amusing stuff, usually at least one good post per thread, but his true art, the gem of meaning that will last beyond our time, lies in the way he uses a steady barrage of inane and self-contradictory statements from his seemingly endless quiver of voices to show us that the only true “personality” in this fully intermediated world is in fact the cynical, gossiping, collective gaggle of mediocrity (masters cat 3.5) that emerges from a random, decentralized collection of brute, un-thought-out impressions and repetitive, accusatory citations lobbed from the safety of the middle at either the very strong, the young, the different, or the hopelessly weak. These ramblings, sadly, constitute a new ritualistic behavior insofar as we come to expect and rely upon them (the “first” in nearly every thread, for example), though they most often simply fade into the background of meaningless noise (thor will smash, helmets are the new oppressor, etc.). Wheelsucker presents us with a telling reflection of ourselves that exists solely in and through the medium of internet chat, and it’s a reflection that we might not want to see.

i guess you’re not subscribed to the prospect peloton mailing list

dude got into a fierce HELMET debate once again

I can defend Schmalz and say definitively that he’s not BH, as Brother Historicus happens to be my brother. Uccisore Abejorro is our cousin from Umbria, well-meaning but easily confused. (Friggin’ Shen scared him off by accusing him of making a brassiere joke, humiliating his delicate sensibilities in public and he hasn’t posted since.)

The Velocity Salute Professor is our great-uncle who teaches up at Columbia. Elbow pads on the corduroy jacket and all, no joke. The Good Thursday Agreement Author is my wise-ass nephew, who happens to be the guy who wrote the “give this King guy a break” post, too. (CC – you asked for that to be saved for posterity – we have it, don’t worry, if you ever want it just let us know.)

Moosehunter’s just a friend of the family, but we’ve known the guy so long you might as well consider him our other brother from another mother.

Sometimes these guys post anonymously, though, so it’s hard to tell exactly. One of them once gave a pretty delicious recipe for pasta alla carbonara – ask Aaron, he’ll tell you. (I’ll bet you a dime to a dollar that was Ucci.)

But those long-ass unattributed posts? That’s usually Ms. Mia Cazzo-Ingolare, Ucci’s wife. Pretty shy. She’s only made a public appearance once, but not on this site. Generally all in the family, though.

As most of you know, we’re all members of the NYVeloCity Hall of Injustice, but not related to Bullwinkle, Todd, or Tood for that matter. Personally, we miss Buttermilk Jones. We like Toni, but don’t know who he is. He did get a hand-job from our mother though, after the 2007 Harlem race. I think Brother Historicus mentioned that in his post about the NYVeloCivil War reunion trip.

is my favorite poster simply because he manages to violate every rule of spelling and grammar known the the english language in the space of 6 sentences.

there is nothing random about the work of my minions. nothing.

at the Tour, re-testing the suspiciously tested, K-Cera…
Any guesses? 2 weeks until (or more) results are announced…is this like pre-crime?
Piepoli?
Someone from a team that doesn’t gots its owns anti-terror-drug-testing-paid for by team management???

I second that. He has to be one of the most negative and uninformed…

Levi has really not been a factor in too many big one day races. Horner gets snubbed again?

there are only a couple of dudes in the us that can even finish a race like that and they are smoked

tdf re-tests? huh? you gots a link?

“SMASH! Liggett tubular dnf split”

awesome

your mom’s got a cobra in her pants yo.