We are pleased to introduce Rodion Kotovich Romanov to the New York cycling scene. Mr. Romanov was until recently a soigneur for the Astana cycling team, resigning his post when Astana was excluded from the Tour. He is believed to be blackballed from further employment in pro cycling by Johan Bruyneel, who was ‘unamused’ by Romanov’s resignation letter – a hairball in Levi Leipheimer’s water bottle. Romanov has refused several rescue attempts by Odessa Gunn, and has instead chosen to relocate in New York and pursue a career as a masseuse.

Mr. Romanov is a direct descendant of Tsar Nicholas II’s housecat Kot Ivanovich Romanov, who survived the Ipatiev shooting thanks to his diminutive stature and feline quickness. Mr. Romanov is believed to be the last remaining descendant of the Romanov line, and is only slumming it as a masseuse until he is restored to his rightful place on the Russian throne.

The merest mention of Johan Bruyneel elicits a petulant expression from Romanov.

After a rough initial adjustment period, Romanov has set up shop and is now accepting clients. Below is a video of Mr. Romanov’s renowned leg massage technique. Note the use of the modesty blanket, dictated by the Russian Orthodox Church to prevent excessive manx on man contact. 

Three levels of service will be offered:

Liver: Basic post race leg rub.

Lamb: Liver package, plus back and neck rub and warm furry spooning.

Tuna: Mr. Romanov will come to your home for full treatment and pest removal.

Mr. Romanov is a licensed massage therapist and all his shots are up to date. He thanks you for not making any ‘happy ending’ jokes.