Today is another transition stage, which means that chances for French stage victories are running out, also running out are the chances for teams that haven’t won a stage yet. Hello? Quick Step? Liquigas? Lampre? I’ll even be generous and include Agritubel, why not? We have a category three and a category four climb on this stage, so we may have a replay of yesterday’s breakaway. Or the sprint teams might try to keep things together. And we will have the obligatory Chavanel break attempts.

 

I tune in with 90-ish k to go, and there Chavanel is. He doesn’t have much of a gap, the field is still in view. He’s with another Frenchman, Roy of AG2R.

 

Looking at the shape of the field, they look like a chunk of hamsters rolling along, so Chavanel and Roy might have a chance here. And if they stay away, I have the opportunity for a day’s worth of Siegfried and Roy jokes. Chavanel puts some raw beef in his mouth and Roy jumps through a flaming ring by the side of the road – see what we are in for? I tremble with excitement.

 

Here’s a Bob Stapleton interview – all he really has to do is re-sign Cav for years and he’s got stage win chances for the next 10 years. Owning a team is easy!

 

47k to go. Yay! Chavanel and Roy are away! There’s an uncomfortable silence as Chavanel insists that he and Roy are only breakaway partners and nothing more. I think I see a tear forming in Roy’s eye.

 

Chavanel is trying to motivate Roy, he says Roy should, "Do it for Montecore." Roy squeals and takes a half-hearted slap at Chavanel.

 

72k to go, Chavanel and Roy have about 4 minutes now, enough time for a costume change?

 

How sad is my life that I am enjoying this stage perhaps more than any other?

 

They are replaying Bob Roll’s Shimano ad. I learn even less than when I saw it before.

 

Chavanel and Roy are already planning their finish line choreography, Roy is insisting on a Fosse inspired number, but Chavanel is sticking to his guns and says they should do a tribute to mime routine. It will be interesting to see how this plays out.

 

Chavanel says that Roy can take his body isolations and stick it. Oh no he didn’t!

 

64k to go, since they have over 4 minutes, Roy suggest that they might pull over and pick some of the lovely sunflowers, Chavanel tells him to focus.

 

Chavanel radios the team car to bring up his lavender sequin vest.

 

"For the perfect balance of fuel efficiency and performance, SAAB has decided to drive everyone watching the Tour slowly insane."

 

Zabel jumps to get the last sprint points. Frozen yogurt for Milram tonight!

 

Chavanel and Roy might have to start throwing white tigers in the road to stay away.

 

Here’s a Ciolek interview – "Now that Cav’s gone, do you realize this may be your only chance to win a stage for the next 10 years?"

 

53k to go, the Cofidis car comes up and gives Chavanel a cologne soaked sponge. He refuse to share it with Roy until he gets his damn footwork right!

 

So if we get a catch at the end of the stage, it’s probably Oscar’s sprint to lose, but there is always a chance for Thor to SMASH! here.

 

Here’s an spotlight on Slipstream’s argyle, there’s Meatball!

 

Chavanel has announced he will be riding for Quick Step next year. To, um, be the third best classics guy on the team, I guess? I think it’s because he thought red was making his butt look big.

 

45k togo, Chavanel and Roy on the climb with 4:26. Chavanel reminds Roy that they need to apply Vaseline to their teeth before the finish. 

 

Roy waves his hands, and makes a bidon disappear for the commissars. He pulls it out of Prudhomme’s ear. He giggles and pops back down into his Peugeot gopher hole.

 

36k togo, Chavanel asks for a volunteer out of the audience to help with the pace making.

 

Stuey and Jens at the front for CSC. Here’s a Stuey profile, they interview Robbie, "There’s no one armpit I’d rather stick me head into."

 

35k togo, Chavanel passes a hoop around Roy and his bike, they are going to have pull more tricks than that to win this stage.

 

35k to go, Roy gets a "speed bottle" and asks if his lucky jumpsuit has been pressed.

 

Chavanel asks Roy if he’s remembered to "tape and wax."

 

Roy says he will be dedicating this ride to his "girlfriend," Chavanel rolls his eyes.

 

25k to go, Chavanel is trying to get into Roy’s head and he tells him his FdJ costume looks cheap, Roy shoot back that red is not slimming. It is on now!

 

Milram and Quick Step at the front of the pack, to place Zabel in fourth and Gert in sixth.

 

Chavanel is French Time Trial Champion, Roy is the French Dazzle Clogging Champion.

 

Chavanel says he can’t wait to get kissed by the hot podium girls, Roy suppresses a shriek.

 

Chavanel and Roy take a quick road side pause to freshen their hair and make-up, they lose 30 seconds, but it’s so worth it.

 

17k to go, Chavanel says he’s looking to find the right girl and finally settle down and raise a family, but it’s really hard to do with his full schedule.

 

Chavanel and Roy have 3:11, and it’s going to be close. Closer than two meticulously coiffed magicians who both live and work together…

 

16k togo, Chavanel doing 58% of the work and 100% of the fabulousness.

 

If they get caught, Chavanel is going to cut Roy’s kibble allowance.

 

14k to go, Chavanel doing a lot of work – he’s jazz-handing his tush off!

 

Chavanel tells Roy that the pet psychic told him that Montecore wanted him to win today. Roy says he lying as Montecore was always more into the journey than the destination.

 

8.5k to go, Chavanel and Roy have 2:52 and they have remarkable lashes.

 

7.6k to go, they might have enough to stay away.

 

6.2k to go. Will they fight it out at the finish? Who will attack?

 

5.0k to go, Chavanel tightens shoes, duct tapes his buttocks for extra lift.

 

4.7k to go, Roy puts the raw steak in his mouth.

 

4k togo, they have the stage in hand, they have time to fiddle with their costumes before the finish.

 

2k to go, who will jump for the spotlight first?

 

1k to go Chavanel on front, Roy doing voice exercises.

 

Here’s the finish, Chavanel watches Roy and when Roy jumps, Chavanel goes and holds it! He shrieks and flings his arms in the air. Take that, Fosse lovers!

 

Ciolek head bangs his way to third place.

 

Chavanel unzips jersey, displays chest and weeps at the finish.