Today’s stage will be the most crucial mountain stage the Tour, there’s 2 HC climbs, first the Col du Galibier, the Col de la Croix de Fer and the stage ends on L’Alpe-d’Huez. That’s a lot of lumps! CSC will have to try to get Frank Schleck some time today, because he’s not going to get any time in the time trial, as he finished 2:14 back on stage 4’s time trial – and that was only 29.5k long, over 53k he’s going to drop minutes all over the French countryside. CSC has an interesting situation, they have Schleck in yellow, who is a TT-ing disaster, and they have Sastre in fourth, who is only a semi-disaster when it comes to the race against the clock (the clock usually wins). If they try to spring Schleck, what do they do with Sastre? Does Sastre follow Cadel and Menchov or does he attack himself to get some time before the TT? Will Bjarne tell him to ride into the ditch to simplify things?

 A good portion of today’ strategy will depend on how many CSC guys hang in over the second climb. If Fabian, Jens, Stuey and KAA can hang in and gun it before L’Alpe-d’Huez, they can get rid of the other contender’s teams before L’Alpe-d’Huez and give Frank and Andy a chance to attack Carlos and the rest. And how hard would it be for Bjarne to ask Andy to not work for his big brother and try and help Carlos? Hmmm, a lifetime of awkward family dinners or a swat at the knees from Carlos? Might be a tough decision for Andy. And who knew this year’s stage might come down to Cancellara’s ability to climb?

 Yesterday also saw some GC shake up. Menchov lost time descending to Frank and Cadel on the descent – which is like losing time to the sign-in table. VDV got gapped on the climb and then tangled with a Cofidis guy on the descent, he’s now 3:15 back in 5th place on GC. That just sucks. He’s still hanging in there, and he’s ridden L’Alpe-d’Huez multiple times, Cadel has ridden L’Alpe-d’Huez also and he says he’s always had trouble there

 121k to go, I tune in just in time to see the descent of the Galibier, a group of four is off the front. And three guys nearly bite it in the same corner on the descent. Is that a "Beloki Curve?"

 117 to go, Schumacher has a conversation with Perez and tells hims to stop trying to drop everybody and to stay organized.

 113 Schumacher attacks. Perez swears and throws his bottle at him.

 112k to go, Schumacher back with his new friends. "My bad – we are still bros, right?"

 Hincapie looks like he crashed, his kit is all ripped up

 105k to go, they are getting to the top of the Telegraph, which is a climb in itself, but in the scheme of today’s stage, it doesn’t really count.

 104k to go, on the descent Di Gregorio is looking shakier than Kirstie Alley sitting on a washing machine.

 97k to go, we’re on the Di Gregorio vulture watch on this descent.

 93k to go, Paul mention that Hannibal went through this valley with his army, Phil says he remembers the moment well. Zing! 

We’re just going to be killing time here until the second climb, CSC at the front to make everyone uncomfortable.

Here’s a gem from cyclingnews:

"Riccardo Riccò was caught by a special molecule placed in the banned substance he is said to have taken, the head of the World Anti-Doping Agency told the Australian Broadcasting Corp. radio today. John Fahey said that Roche Pharmaceuticals had placed a special molecule in the product CERA when it developed the drug, which would help the anti-doping authorities to detect its illegal use."

It’s a really good idea to "tag" the drugs used for doping, if they ever develop a special molecule for hair product, Pozzato is screwed.

Here’s a VDV interview, he says he will attack is he’s feeling good. Mmm-kay. 

Feed zone time, we go on crash watch.

83k to go, I haven’t mentioned that the break has 7:18 yet I’m not convinced that this group will stay away.

Here’s a little Cadel media fun.

Oh Cadel! Can you imagine being a reporter and getting the Cadel beat? I’m surprised no one has done a profile of him where they claim he is the embodiment of evil on earth. I am also amazed that no one has just hauled off and punched that little weasel in the face. Cadel, you’re in contention for the Tour, you will get a lot of attention – it’s part of the deal. Unwind your tiny panties.

 

77k to go, we are on the Croix de Fer and Fabian is at the front. Guys dropping off the back of the bunch like Knight Ranger t-shirts at the Salvation Army box.

 

Ugh, the "Elvis on the mountain" thing has made its way to France. Apparently being a douche-bag knows no boundaries, which is a comforting thought.

 

The entire field is strung out like Keith Richards on a Monday

 

74k to go, CSC hurting the pack. Fabian is trying to drop as many guys as he can.

 

Paul just mentioned that Saunier Duval will get out of cycling completely. So Ricco managed to screw over about 50 people. Well done, Cobra!

 

70k to go, Popo near the back of the pack, he could be getting popped. That does not bode well for Cadel, but I’m sure Robbie will help on the mountain.

 

Paul calls Fabian "Sparticus", when combined with his penchant for calling guys "Trojans", I have to imagine that these labels are a little un-masculine; but this is coming from a guy who has at least 3 ongoing peloton man-crushes.

 

65k to go, Schumacher off the front just following ass, I grow to like him less with each passing kilometer. Fabian at the front, Popo dangling off the rear. How dirty does that sound?

 

Fabian is still on the front! Everyone should be bracing for the moment when Jens takes over. Jens likes to ride his bike fast, he also likes the mellow sounds of Kenny G, but we will ignore that information. OK, I made that up – forgive me Jens for I have sinned.

 

59k to go, we are getting to the top of the hill, Cunego looking weak again.

 

Schumacher is brought back by CSC, Velits keeps on trying.

 

KAA is at the front now, has CSC dropped enough of the competitor’s teammates to make this tempo worthwhile? Will they hammer it in the valley?

 

56k togo, Menchov still has some teammates with him. Is CSC not going hard enough? The climb of L’Alpe-d’Huez is going to be madness. When Jens gets to the front, the race is going to take off like a Chevy Nova after a liquor store robbery.

 

54k to go, this descent should make Cadel more nervous than David Lee Roth taking a SAT test.

 

Here’s Frankie and a Specialized bike. Fabian Wegmann explains in accented English that the he likes the bike to go forward. Errrr….

 

38k to go. We go into crash watch on the descent.

 

34k to go, Pineau trying to get across to Velits to help carry the load of hopelessness.

 

A profile of the Schleck brothers, dear lord, off the bike they are all head, ears and neck!

 

27k to go, Fabian on the front, the pain train must be maintained! Sorry, I was just channeling "Tapout" on VS! Can they pay me now?

 

Jens has still not hit the front, that will not be pretty.

 

30 seconds of stage is now followed by 4 minutes of ads. The Tour on VS!

 

"I am Tom Boonen, say hello to my little friend."

 

21k to go, we are getting closer to the Alpe! 21 switchbacks to fame, or if you are Pozzato, it’s 21 switchbacks until you can get a manicure.

 

Matt White in car shot, he tell VDV to watch Cadel and Menchov, we don’t hear VDV’s reply which translates to "Duh!"

 

OK, I’ve taken a preemptive whizz, I’ve turned off the phone, I have a drink nearby, and I’ve taken off my pants (you watch your way, I’ll watch mine) – I am ready for L’Alpe-d’Huez!

 

15k to go, this stupid valley has seemed endless. CSC still dragging the pack. No one has been dropped.

 

KAA swings off, Van Summeren still there for Cadel.

 

The hill begins – Sastre goes! Menchov on his tail.

 

Cunego dropped – shocking!

 

Van Summeren claws them back, Sastre goes again, he gets a gap! Is Sastre setting up Schleck? Is he the team leader?

 

Cadel following Kohl.

 

Menchov is suffering, he’s dropping off the back.

 

The Schleck are sitting in and waiting to pounce like angry giraffes if Sastre gets caught.

 

VDV still hanging in.

 

11k to go, Schleck goes and Cadel tries to follow, he goes to the front for 5 seconds, and then remembers that he’s Cadel Evans.

 

Andy Schleck accelerates, VDV gets up to him and Efimkin. Go VDV! Menchov dying like the Hammerpants craze!

 

10k to go, Sastre still off the front at about 28 seconds – it that all?  All the other GC guys are together.

 

Frank attacks! Everyone gets to him. Is he working for Sastre?

 

Valverde jumps! Andy and Frank have a split! Andy working!

 

Cadel sits on VDVs ass to get up to the Schlecks.

 

We have some idiot spectator in the middle of the road running within the group. Sure to not be the last of the day.

 

8.5k to go, everyone together again. Schelck running out of mountain. Menchov down by 53 seconds.

 

VDV goes across to Kohl. The attacks are benefitting Sastre. He’s going to need a whole lot of time, he’s down 49 seconds on GC, and he lost 1:43 on the ITT. He’s going to need about 90 minutes to keep yellow to Paris.

 

VDV jumps again! He’s covered.

 

Frank Schleck tries to go, but he’s collected like Tuesday’s garbage.

 

5.9k to go, Menchov is crawling back into the group of the leaders, as they are riding slow enough to have Ag2R setting the pace.

 

So CSC is putting their money on Sastre? Has he vanquished the Schlecks?

 

Sastre almost up to the Dutch corner, it looks like there’s a group of blue nuns running along the road.

 

5k to go, Sastre has 1:47, is Cadel going to be content to suck wheel up this climb? The world hasn’t seen a champion like this since Leon Spinks!

 

An AG2R guys jumps, Cadel follows, the Earth still rotating.

 

3.5k to go, Evans lifts the pace, to try and limit Sastre’s advantage. He’s in uncharted territory here without ass wind in his face.

 

We have a shot of our first painted "road wiener" of the race! Thank God. I thought the road wiener had gone the way of the mankini!

 

2.8k to go, Cadel grinding his way up the climb like a one-legged stripper.

 

VDV still there – damn you descending!

 

Sastre still putting the hurt on, he has 2:18 on the chase. 

 

Cadel losing time to Sastre, now at 2:25. He looks over his shoulder, does he really expect anyone to come around?

 

Menchov is up front now.

 

Sastre at 1k to go, I can actually hear his legs creaking from here.

 

Sammy Sanchez goes – whatever. Everyone else attacks Cadel.

 

Sastre wins, now the time trial clock starts.

 

Andy Schleck follows Sanchez. Why is Andy chasing Sanchez? Is Sanchez placed up high on GC? Is it spite? Is there any doubt now that Andy has a better shot at a Tour win than Frank?

 

Evans come in at about 2:15, VDV and Menchov there.

 

Frank and Andy Schelck sign up for time trial lessons.

 

So it’s all set up for the time trial, it’s Cadel vs Sastre and Sastre vs slowness!