Today the Tour heads into the Italian Alps, and we will probably get a little GC shake up today, as there is a rest day tomorrow and guys will take chances knowing they can rest up in their tiny hotel rooms. We’ve got a HC climb and a Cat1 at the finish. Now that Ricco and Saunier Centrifuge are out of the race, we have lost a few mountain attackers, so the dynamics of the high mountain stages will be different. The only rider with GC hopes left that shown any climbing aggression so far is Frank Schelck, the rest have been content to watch each other and grind their way up the hill. Things might change in the Alps, as they are getting toward the critical moments for the Tour. Here’s hoping that VDV can hold on.

 

We are going to see the entire bloody stage today from the drop of the commissar’s until the last sprinter crossing the finish line on Monday morning.

 

It looks like a warm rain is falling out there which is nice – better to have a rain that feels like urine from a live man than urine from a cadaver.

 

The neutral flag drops and we get treated to the sight of hopeless Frenchman thrashing blindly at the front of the race. Look! There’s Chavanel!

 

178k to go. It’s actually fascinating to see the beginning of the race, and get to see how many attacks happen before the break gets sorted out.

 

There’s a sprint for green points at what seems to be at the 5k mark of the race, so I would imagine that Rabobank will want to have a say in what happens at that line.

 

Millar at the front now, but it’s really like a game of musical chamois up at the front.

 

There’s a shot of Freire in green and he looks like a dog in a bubble bath, wet and annoyed.

 

Phil announces that Cavendish has abandoned. Sprinters rejoice!

 

There’s a break of three away at about 1:30 that includes Danny Pate. And no Frenchmen!

 

I might have to Tivo forward to the climb. I will set scan for “crash” and “speed pee” – as always.

 

14k to go, we are on the climb. And they are riding slooooow. It is a long climb though. This may serve as a “vulture climb” for those who are not feeling so fresh today.

 

Gert and Thor SMASH are chatting together, perhaps planning on sending Cavendish a thank you note?

 

139 k to go, and the pack is just killing time. Funny how they will let certain people get away, and not others. Of course I know that you have to be near the ass end of the GC to get away, but Chavanel isn’t near the top of the GC and he was chased pretty hard today.

 

Sebastein (not Sylvian) Chavanel gets a rain cape all up in his bike. Is that a CSC cape? Are the Chavanels and the Schlecks feuding? And would that be both the most pitiful and the most awesome family feud of all time?

 

140k to go, the race is starting to shoot the fatigued out the back like a backfiring vegetarian.

 

Brandt getting dropped like a name at a Larry King dinner party.

 

5k to the top of the climb, and the sprinters are falling like Hillary Clinton’s expectations.

 

The leaders are over the top, and they have about 13 minutes. Might have to move forward a little through the descent. Make it so, Tivo.

 

Here’s a VDV interview. He’s going to be watching Menchov and Cadel. Sound

 

90-k to go, I’m stopping the Tivo for a crash on the descent, from the footage it looks like a faraway shot of some guys in black, so it’s either Caisse d’ Weebles or bank robbers.

 

Devolder dropped out today also, that was very brief shot he took at the Tour GC.

 

89.5k to go and we have a Euskaltel whizzing on the side of the road. Wait, there’s a whole row of them! My day is made. On this descent we are in prime “tinkle time” – how sad is it that I am watching the TV closer than when I watch a sprint finish?

 

Pereiro was on of the guys that went down – who will lead Caisse d’ Anonymity now?

 

Speaking of leaking body waste – here’s Bob Roll doing a product placement piece for Shimano wheels.

 

They show the Pereiro crash footage again, we might as well reenact that footage with blurry sock puppets.

 

Will CSC make the race explode on the run up to the finish climb?

 

Here’s a Cadel interview from the start. That man is a party! Actually, he’s just awkward, it’s not like he’s evil or anything. It would be wrong to take cheap shots at his racing style day after day after day – what kind of fool would do that?

 

58 k to go, the graphic shows that Lampre is doing 73% of the work and that Agritubel has returned 100% of the deposit cans left in the hotel dumpster.

 

Does Cunego have a shot today? Who can tell? He’s very inconsistent these days.

 

56k to go, McEwen catches back on – just in time to be no help to Cadel whatsoever.

 

OK, we have an awkward exchange where Phil is trying to call JV. We get about 30 seconds of JV fiddling with his phone and staring blankly – and yet he’s still more compelling than Bob Roll.

 

The break has 14 minutes with 4k to go. Time to jump Tivo arrows to the climb.

 

Whoa! Big old slide out on a roundabout, on both sides – looks like greasy road. That was fascinatingly well synchronized. Phil says that VDV may have crashed, but the question is who hasn’t crashed.

 

Here’s a Menchov profile, how in God’s name do you profile him? It’s like profiling an inert gas. All his teammates describe him as “relaxed” – like he’s a pair of comfortable trousers.

 

Another try at an interview with JV in the car. The whole team crashed, Tour fans will recall VDV’s team time trial crash from his Tour days with Postal and then they will try hard to suppress that memory.

 

27k to go. The break’s chances of staying away are looking better.

 

18k t go, CSC and Lotto are at the front of the race. The break has 13 minutes.

 

I still giggle when Paul says guys are riding like “Trojans.” Does he mean "ribbed?"

 

Now the race will begin.

 

How is Pate going to win today? Can he attack these guys?

 

16k to go, Robbie getting dropped like a barbell at math camp.

 

15 k to go, CSC setting the pace. Cadel following to see what teamwork looks like.

 

10 to go, I’d just like to state now that I would love to see Pate win today.

 

15k to go for the pack, Jens at the front – do you think he’s riding hard?

 

Pate is Toto-ing at the back of the break.

 

Paul just called Jens a German Tank, the French cameraman dropped a mic and put his hands up involuntarily.

 

7.3k to go, Martinez has attacked the break and Pate gets up to him. Good boy, Danny!

 

Cadel riding like he’s the team leader of CSC.

 

VDV sitting on Frank Schleck, so maybe he’s feeling good and will follow Frank’s attack.

 

Sastre jumps of the front of the race, setting Cadel up for the inevitable counter from Frank. Menchov closes. VDV hangs on also.

 

6.1k to go. Satre jumps again, setting Menchov up for the counter. Cadel follows Menchov, "duh" trumps "obvious" here.

 

Frank still sitting on, like an underfed jungle cat ready to pounce.

 

VDV hanging in there.

 

Valverde is up there, like a team leader.

 

I wonder if Pate is still at the front?

 

Paul mentions that Cadel doesn’t have to attack until Thursday. Hey, whoa! Thursday sounds a little early, doesn’t it? Let’s not get crazy.

 

Sammy Sanchez jumps to get…fifth?

 

Gerrans gets back up to Martinez and Pate.

 

5k to go, Pate is hanging in there. C’mon Danny!

 

Andy is up front with Frank, the last time they did a one-two at the front, Valverde won Liege Bastogne Liege.

 

Could the Schleck family have a dinner feast on a balsa wood dining set?

 

They finally locate Cunego on the mountain – they had to use search dogs.

 

4k to go, Pate still up there – sweet!

 

The GC contenders are still clustered like nuts and chocolate.

 

If Pate doesn’t win today that would be two long ass breaks lost at the finish for Garmin. Oof.

 

Pate making the pace, Martinez jumps. Pate closes, Gerrans dropping slightly.

 

Back at the GC gaggle, Menchov jumps and slips and falls, on what appears to be not very much at all. Did Razzy mount his tires today?

 

Menchov getting back on now.

 

The leaders have to make their way through a pack of excited Italians, and by “excited,” I mean “inebriated.”

 

Andy Schleck keeps accelerating at the front of the GC pack, to see if he can drop Sastre.

 

2k to go, the three leaders still together.

 

Menchov does a mini-jump and looks back to see who is still around. Cadel follows. (I can type that with my eyes closed!) Kohl jumps and Cadel lets a gap open.

 

It might be time to start attacking Cadel, you know, if you want to win the Tour…

 

VDV still hanging in there, at the 3k to go kite.

 

The leaders are still racing, I think, I can’t see them but I’m pretty sure they are racing bikes and stuff. What’s the French word for “split screen?”

 

Andy Schleck jumps again, seeing that Sastre is in trouble.

 

Franks jumps. Cadel follows. Sigh.

 

1k to go for the leaders, they are wobbling their way under the kite.

 

Satre jumps, Menchov bridging, Cadel swearing.

 

Cadel at the front of the group, he looks lost. Valverde jumps and Cadel needs butt to follow and jumps on VDV.

 

Menchov holding gap with Sastre. VDV goes after Menchov, Sastre and Kohl, he has to chase Kohl to keep his GC position.

 

The break approaching the line like lemurs with stomachs full of brandy.

 

VDV back with the Cadel group. 

 

Here comes the actual finish of the race, we see Gerrans jumping and it looks like he has it. Pate third. Ugh! Hopefully JV lets him wear the jacket with the elbow pads tonight – as consolation.

 

Menchov, Sastre, Valverde and Kohl still up front, Sanchez doing some work. Andy Schleck drops like Ricco’s appearance fee.

 

Valverde riding like he didn’t crap time all over the Pyrenees.

 

Kohl could get yellow from Cadel, which might not be bad for Cadel.

 

Kohl jumping, only Sastre can follow. Was Sastre working for Frank today and just got lucky?

 

Kohl and Sastre cross the line. Time to watch the clock.

 

Frank Schleck and VDV drop Cadel, he’s out of yellow no matter what happens. He will have to wait about 2 hours to call Robbie a selfish jerk.

 

Let’s see how the GC shakes out here.

 

Schleck gets yellow by seven seconds, Kohl second on GC. VDV fifth at 39 seconds. Six guys sitting on the top 6 within 49 seconds of one another, as close and as uncomfortable as a full body hug from an Arkansas Uncle. Gerrans gets an email from his orthodontist.