schmalz’s log 2010 part 9

by schmalz

Sending a message to those fat cats…

The problem with writing an interwebs winter training log (besides the riches, throngs of fans and living in a house made of gold – there’s a surprising amount of buffing required) is that I find myself compelled to write something about every ride I take part in. The problem with this situation is that most of my trainging rides are as monotonous as a mail route. I’m not very adventurous with my routes – I tend to ride the same routes over and over. Like underwear that has the days of the week written inside the elastic band, so are the routes of my training week. Mondays are for a quick spin with some sprints added to help maintain interest. Tuesdays are for a short uphill tabata burst. Wednesdays should be a longer ride (they usually aren’t). Thursdays are for longer intervals and Fridays are topped with sprints. Weekends for saved for avoiding accumulated spousal alienation.

Don’t get me wrong there are times when I am riding my bike when I feel that the stars align and all is well and good in my life and in the greater universe as well, but those sentiments are better expressed in sonnets or Rapha catalogs. I am writing about training, and training is all about weaknesses and faults and the elimination thereof. It’s the nature of training to dwell on dismal performances and unmet goals – as there is where the improvement comes. This emphasis on the unpleasant can wear on a person, and the process of writing about it only serves to exaggerate the effects. Right now, for instance, I am bashing my head into my keyboard as I type this. It’s crudely therapeutic (and beats riding with Andy Shen any day), and it totally worth correcting all the typos that I create.

I spent last week arranging furious indoor bicycle races to nowhere, so my data was not dutifully recorded. A rough paraphrasing of last week’s workouts woud go: tedium, momentary mightiness, numerous costume changes, desperation, false bravado and finally lingering achiness.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Today I was pressed for time, so I opted for the most abusive workout available to me. I did a set of Schmalz-bata jumps, which is a partially crippling series of standing leaps done to a 20 second on, 10 second off time schedule for four minutes. I find these leaps so disabling that I immediately mount my bike on the rollers in order to wash away the accumulated damage with an accelerated heartbeat and a sweaty terrycloth headband. And as every former ABA player knows, terrycloth begets mightiness – just ask World B. Free.

Weight 154

Duration: 29:57

Work: 360 kJ

Norm Power: NA

Distance: 11.18 mi

TSS: NA

 

Min

Max

Avg

Power:

0

271

201 watts

Heart Rate:

NA

NA

138 bpm

Cadence:

NA

NA

89 rpm

Speed:

NA

25.7

21.3 mph

Torque:

NA

NA

NA lb-in

 

 

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Today I snuck into my basement to treat myself to an hour of semi-tedious  spinning on the rollers. My legs felt like Coutney Love’s ashtray due to yesterday’s schmalz-bata, but I was able to spare myself some pain with my support hose. I am reluctant to mention how effective I find my compression socks – as I fear that I may be giving away a training secret to my rivals. Then I remember that I am a 41 year old cat three, and that many of the people I consider rivals are scheduling a prostate exam as I type this.

 

Weight 154

Duration: 1:00:00

Work: 709 kJ

Norm Power: NA

Distance: 21.34 mi

TSS: NA

 

Min

Max

Avg

Power:

0

244

196 watts

Heart Rate:

NA

NA

132 bpm

Cadence:

NA

NA

89 rpm

Speed:

NA

24.6

20.8 mph

Torque:

NA

NA

NA lb-in

 

Monday, December 14, 2009

Today was a typical Monday, which means an easy ride with a sprint stuffing shoved into the training turkey carcass for good measure (obviously I still have many holiday meals etched on my mind). And speaking of meals, last night’s foray into the city to the fountain of wurst has left me off the rodent chart at 155 pounds. I now know how Jan Ulrich feels, I have felt the pull of the wurst – and that sounds very dirty in a euro way. But on the bright side, I did record a training season high of 1120 watts. But I fear the extra wattage is necessary to move my new Teutonic heft around. I now have to amend my rodent based weight scale system and replace the rodents with the large cat that ate all the rodents on the scale.

I screwed up with my PowerTap buttons again, so there’s no ride data, but I did hit 1120 – I swear it.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Today I awoke again to find my bathroom scale again reaching the rodent scale busting weight of 155 pounds. I choose to place the blame on red wine, the lubricant in the internal combustion engine of poor decision making. I cannot bring myself to eliminate red wine from my diet just yet, so I will instead convince myself that red wine will have the same slimmng effect it has on waifish ladies throughout France, in other words, I will be thin with huge tufts of body hair left unshaven.

I did 20/10s today also, but I didn’t hit the button to record the average wattage, but I can say I looked down and saw it to be about 360, which is 5 watts better than usual.

Weight 155

Duration: 1:24:00

Work: 874 kJ

Norm Power: NA

Distance: 23.83 mi

TSS: NA

 

Min

Max

Avg

Power:

0

791

174 watts

Heart Rate:

NA

NA

140 bpm

Cadence:

NA

NA

68 rpm

Speed:

NA

34.7

15.7 mph

Torque:

NA

NA

NA lb-in

 

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

My best laid training plans for the day went sour and I ended up on the rollers for a quick hour. The confluence of work and laziness only allowed that I ride in my basement. This is, of course, better than nothing, but it’s not going to get that fat cat off my back.

 

Weight 154

Duration: 55:53

Work: 675 kJ

Norm Power: NA

Distance: 21.32 mi

TSS: NA

 

Min

Max

Avg

Power:

0

265

201 watts

Heart Rate:

NA

NA

132 bpm

Cadence:

NA

NA

84 rpm

Speed:

NA

25.7

21.6 mph

Torque:

NA

NA

NA lb-in

 

Thursday, December 17, 2009

I’ve caught the cold that my daughter brought home from nursery school, so I will be employing my usual cold remedy – vodka. Remember – it’s "feed a fever, and inebriate a cold."

102 Comments

Bryan Brifter

Jan Ulrich, the fat guy from the SICX race… and have you ever noticed that the Cat and Miguel Indurain are never seen together…

BTW.. whats a CAPTCHA..

smallie's nemesis

Smallie, mee again. I read the first two sentences and I have the solution. Just fucking stop, stop already for th fuckin love of god, please stop. You should have been embarassed into stopping long ago but just stop right now. Trust me , anyone who likes you will be happy you did. You will be better for it and WE will be happy you stopped this creepy lame exercise of satire or whatever the fuk it is, Just stop!
ps I’m begging you, just stop!

Miguel Topcap

ack! so am i! an hour into the future … time travel, finally … YES! im going outside to see the flying cars, this is gonna be awesome

Eddy Merckx

every waterfall on River Road was frozen, or nearly frozen solid, very nice…you all should get outside more often…
Jackash Toolsheds

schmalz

If you don’t agree with the fee – it’s simple – don’t race. There should be plenty of other opportunities for you to show your mightiness.

wheel gawker

what is this, a b-kill triathlon? deiter has always seemed to be so straight ahead with grassroots stuff in his region, its a shame that the showcase race is getting so expensive. I will not race there and pay that much just to subsidize his UCI race. Voting with my checkbook and looking elsewhere.

Jock Boyer

can you have live streaming video during your training “blog”????????????????????????????????????????????????
I really want to see how you are training!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mathis Topcap

Agree, dont race but it IS a little cheesy that Dieter built the race on the backs of hack amateurs who loved it and grew it with tons of word of mouth and now get used to subsidize UCI race that no nonspandexed human gives a fart about anyway. Oh look Scott Nydam off the front man now I can die in peace.

Matthias Saddlesore

Pretty lame you would defend such a ridiculous fee Schmalz. You should at least use your position to inquire as to why there is such a big increase in the fee, or arrange for Dieter to explain it to those who have supported and made successful his promotional event. Otherwise you are worth as much as your training blog: really not much at all.

schmalz

To be honest I, think $75 is not a lot for a point to point race, considering the cost for road closures, police and other considerations.

Andrea Seattube

Dieter has done a ton for this sport locally and we should all thank him for that. 06 – 08 were great events. Grassroots, proper fields etc.

Howeverm, last year the race got too big. Mixing fields (multiple Cat 3 and 4 fields), bad results etc. The course is really great and the timing of the year gets racers really excited. Problem is that in this economy, road cycling dipping a bit in terms of participation, the location of the event (6 hours round trip / travel costs) and the huge entry fee its just not worth it for many racers. You are better off doing the Tour of Catskills for close to the same price and you get 3 days of harder racing. It is a shame that the amatuers are subsidizing the pro race. Spending $200 (entry and travel) for what has become a Cyclosportif is just not worth it.

Ziptie Mynutz

because 09 was overpopulated, increasing fees is one way of reducing field numbers giving the comfortably rich an advantage. Having field limits would be another way but that would give trigger happy computer geeks the advantage.

Gianni Lube

the fix for high race fees is easy: start one yourself, and charge less.

oh that’s right, nevermind, you’re the type that yells at the waitress at the diner for not having enough butter on your toast.

Miguel Topcap

what are you, a bunch of communists? a man’s putting on a race and charging a price for it. given that it was (apparently) ridiculously overcrowded last year, that’s what should happen. how else do you deal with an underpriced product/too much demand? rationing, comrade?

“You should at least use your position to inquire as to why there is such a big increase in the fee, or arrange for Dieter to explain it to those who have supported and made successful his promotional event.”

wtf? more bullsh*t roadie entitlement – matthias saddlesore (aptly named) not only deserves a great race, but at a below market price as well. and if he doesn’t get it, than someone else should ask someone else to explain that to him.

Patrick

“The huge entry fee is ridiculous. WTF”

I almost agree. This should read, the entry fee WAS ridiculous. It’s now getting close to where it should be. One more year of price increases should put it in the appropriate place, $100-$125, depending upon costs incurred, competition (other races), demand (which seems almost inelastic).

Its amazing that promoters have not raised prices sooner. They are selling a service that seems to be in high demand among an increasingly well-heeled client-base. There is almost no price he could charge that would keep people from participating in what has become THE MOST SIGNIFICANT RACE IN THE NORTHEAST.

What fucking gall some of you have to complain that Dieter raised his prices. $75 is an improvement over the social welfare of $45, but I’m still not sure he’s come up to a level that provides the man a decent return on his investment of time and capital. Moreover, I hope the increase in fees compensates him for aggravation suffered (ref: the way some of you bitched after last year’s scoring snafu.)

All of our precious, cherished promoters should charge more for the service they provide. A lot more. If promoters were pocketing an attractive amount of $$ by putting on races, you’d have more people putting on races. We’d have competition among promoters for riders, encouraging them to improve their product. The best promoters would flourish, the bad ones would go out of business.

Can’t afford $100 for an entry fee? Bullsh–. Most of you are rolling (multiple?) carbon fiber rigs with carbon fiber hoops, power meters, paying thousands per year for coaching, wind tunnel time, etc etc. Add the cost of travel, (gas, tolls, rental fees, food, lodging), preparing for the race, (time spent training, coaching fees, new equipment, Deca, Dianabol, Andro, Clomid, HGH, EPO, syringes, etc) and the $30 increase in entry fees drops to the insignificant rounding error it really is.

And spare me the story about the impoverished junior racer getting priced out of the sport. There are so few juniors that our promoters could easily halve the entry fee for the U23 crowd and not notice any real difference in revenues. And if you’re over 23 but still trying to make a go of it as a cyclist by training full time and you can’t afford the fees, you’re probably on a team that will pick up the tab for your racing expenses. And if your over 30 and still living in your parents basement working a part time job at a bike shop and training 20+ hours a week so you can roll with the P-1-2 field, its time to get a life.

Bicycling racing is very inexpensive as adult (post collegiate) sports go. Maybe basketball and softball might be less expensive, but they require a lot less real estate. Have any of you played a round of golf recently? The cost of a round at a barely average course dwarfs what Dieter is charging for the best race in this part of the country.

Racing anything has costs. Ours are among the lowest, and will remain so even if our promoters triple the entry fees we paid during 2009. If you have any doubt that what I’m saying is true, take a look at the cost of the Big Three.

Automobiles, Horses, Sailboats. The cost of competition in any of these sports, even at the lowest levels, will make you send Charlie I, Dieter, Mike Green and Aki Sato a heart-felt thank you note.

wheel gawker

not ALL of us are rolling on SRM-equipped carbon machines with zipp wheels and paying 10K per year for coaching. some of us work hard and just want to race. i’m sure the race was a success two years ago before there were 600 cat4 fields and a euro-pro race. those of us who can’t afford it, won’t. there will be no complaining about it, just stating the fact. i have no problem skipping the race, but i’m just defending those who feel a little disappointed by the rate hike. and, btw, cat2’s have to pay MORE. the day all road races hit 75-85 bucks is the day i hang it up.

Morgan Spurlock

Um.

I’m still waiting for the Tour of Catskills results to be posted on USA Cycling.

And this is the guy you’re going to trust with your $75?

Guillaume Crank

Does it matter how you get back to Engineer’s Gate? Do you have to finish with a lap of CP or could you just ride up 5th Avenue? Will it still be 100 miles? Don’t want to get to the finish and my computer says it’s only 97 miles. Better take off that computer right now or not zero it at the start.

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