“You never have the wind with you—either it is against you or you are having a good day.” -Daniel Behrman

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New cyclists are at a disadvantage in so many ways—experience, strategy, years of training, and on top of all of that, the arsenal of excuses a veteran rider has collected over the years. In an effort to bridge the gap, we have put together a few of our favorites for less experienced riders. I’m sure in no time you’ll be coming up with excuses of your own.

Age Any rider over the age of thirty-five is sure to pull this one out after a poor showing, but be careful about the company you are with—you will soon learn many riders are a lot older than they look!

Haven’t been riding much lately This old chestnut is always suspect. Asking a rider how many miles she or he has been riding is like asking a debutante about her sexual history–in each case multiply the number by about three. The object here is to get your critics to think “Wow, for a guy who only rode sixteen miles in the last three months, I guess he did pretty well…”

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“Rode to Bear mountain yesterday” or “soloed for twelve laps in a race” And of course, don’t forget to add an average speed of at least 25mph, and now you want me to pull through?! You monster!

Weight Especially useful for getting dropped on the climbs. When any cyclist goes over his or her high school weight, they consider themselves grossly overweight and many can keep their end of a “god I feel fat” conversation with fashionistas and high school girls any day.

Obscured by large object in front of the finish camera We don’t want to put too many race specific excuses just yet because that may require a new website to catalogue, but this is just one of our favorites. Honorable mention: I lapped the field and the judges just didn’t catch it…

I have “bad legs” When all else fails, this is a good fall back. No one is sure exactly what it means, so it will never get questioned anyway.

I think everyone else was on drugs Self-explanatory. Creative, but if you are not a professional, highly dubious. Drugs are very expensive.

Add your own in the “add comment” field provided below, best excuses win nothing. We would have given a prize but, ummmm we don’t have a lot of money and the site is kind of new so…

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