By Alex O
@##=#<26,L>@##=# Bike riding time is playtime for adults. A cycling jersey should probably be about the last accessory the novice cyclist purchases. After the shoes, the padded shorts, the gloves, even the socks. But if you were that rational about your newfound passion for everything cycling, you probably would have just stuck to the treadmill at the gym.
The semiotics of the jersey are dense and easily misunderstood. It is both steeped in tradition and constantly enlivened by technological developments and European trends, and fads have the life span of a fruit fly. We see you out there, and we are here to help.
So with that in mind, NYVC decided to take a look at a broad sampling of jerseys sent in by our friends.
First up, the multicolored “fish in the water” theme.
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What was the manufacturer thinking? “Ya know, this makes such a great pillowcase it would also work well as a cycling jersey”? Don’t do it.
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Ahhh, the many faces of Felix. Many people don’t know that before he became a cartoon legend, Felix was a six-day racer in the ’20s. This jersey is really stupid.
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An excellent choice for anyone who sports a “Lead, Follow, or get out of the way” tattoo on their biceps.
OK, so those were gimmes, what’s wrong with this one—it’s a beautiful jersey right?
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Yeah, you probably felt pretty slick when you went for your first ride sporting this classic until some guy came by you yelling “Watch out for the world champ on the left.†If you didn’t get a kiss from a podium girl when you received this jersey, maybe it’s best to wait.
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A ’69 Eddy Merckx reproduction Tour de France leaders’ jersey. Though my spell checker didn’t recognize the word Merckx you better if you hope to one day call yourself a cyclist. Lance Armstrong would be too bashful to put this one on; why invite invidious comparisons?
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One of the reasons I ride is to get away from TV; this kit is like bringing it with you. And unless you’re Bill Murray, don’t try to pass it off as ironic or funny.
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Again, if you’re not David Letterman or six years old, best to steer clear.
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The fish are dead, but they still are trying to eat wrenches because why?
What to wear
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Always a place for a classic vintage jersey with an appreciation for history. (However you must beware cheap synthetic polyester souvenir jerseys—they do not breathe well.)@##=#<19,C>@##=#
Or a modern classic that shows you can name a team outside of US Postal.
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OK, since you’re such a big Lance fan, rather than the standard USPS kit, how about a Motorola Jersey?
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Or even better, a vintage or repro 7 Eleven jersey, the original US-based team to storm the European ranks.
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Of course, a quality apparel maker will give you an excellent quality jersey and name brand caché without any lame imagery.
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A trick one to make sure you’re all paying attention.
For the esoteric techno hipster
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These guys are in Kraftwerk “Tour de France†kits, pretty cool.
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Exotic European team’s division 2 team with unpronounceable names, what? You don’t know this team…
We don’t have time to get into the shorts or “bibs” here, but just trust us on this: The initial embarrassment of wearing tight Lycra pants is a small price to pay compared to how stupid you will look in these.
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that was a great jersey during a great time , the collectable nashbar jersey era. also popular the cheetah and goat jerseys from tour dupont
One must not forget the rider that adorns the reflective orange crossing guard vest over that sponge bob get up. The pic. of the elastic waist front zipper guy had this on waist up I’m sure!
What about guys wearing the “Biker Chick” jersey that you can buy through Nashbar? No joke! I saw one last week on a dude (I think so anyway)…I know that you can get these on clearance, but…
Whatever happend to the jersey that said:
“Fuck you, you fucking fuck” ?
‘Jean Remi’, if you want a column of your own all you have to do is ask.
Those Kraftwerk jerseys rock pretty hard. Anyone know where/how to get one?
What about those Carerra tights that looked like acid washed jeans?
Very funny, this is the kind of stuff you wont find on Velonews!
Ride topless.
KA
—
http://www.nootrope.net
Ride topless.
KA
—
http://www.nootrope.net
unfortunately the kratwerk jerseys are cheap polyester. shit.
Hah! you guys are so harsh! You know, we (cycling apparel manufacturers) are basically getting our direction from you… None of these examples holds a candle to some of the bizaare Tour rides and clubs. We are talkin Uggggggly… I could regale you with the details but I would probably get fired…
Of course its all a personal perference thing…
But… I like Sponge Bob!
why is anything decent soooooooooooo expensive !!
I don’t spend 79.99 on work clothes, or casual clothes, yet I’d fork over 150 for a woolistic cinzano long sleeve.
Go to colorado cyclist
and where can one buy the original 7-11 jersey?
Steve
and where can one buy the original 7-11 jersey?
Steve
the Benotto Champion Jersey looks like the one I sold on e… I got those in Mexico City, they are made of Acrylic, they indeed are Old, they had been in that store I found them for almost 15 to 20 years… a real classic. I have never seen those again.
the 7-11 original jersey is hard to get one, the new replicas are found on the bidders world, e…, and from time to time old ones show up, the first 7-11 jerseys where made by Descente and feature the campagnolo logo as whell as other logos, later on they added more sponsors to the newer ones. I got one from the new replicas and they are cool, but they are not the real thing.
Where can I get a “Felix”?
Have a hokie Quisp jersey, but hey, it was a gift – wear it with pride.
Up here in Boston, Harpoon Ale has a pretty fine jersey.
Formaggio-Capellini?! That’s about as cheesey as Primal. Get something real, not a BS made up “team” jersey.
I saw a guy at the Ride for the Roses in full “legalize My Cannondale” stripes, bibs and jersey….unless you’re Simeoni, leave it alone. And what about the Aqua/sappone zebra stripe kits on a fat guy with hairy legs??
Where can I find an original 7-11 Team Jersey?
that’s funny if by Steve H you ment Hegg
the Precaryous shorts are not from the Precaryous line they are knocking off the logo and coming out of Canada…saw them on ebay…yes that Precaryous Gearhead jersey good for the hardcore mountain biker type…gotta give Precaryous credit as they are still holding on as one of the only original grass roots mt. biking brands left after all the international sports brand entered the market…as for me I am sticking with Precaryous.
I’ve always supported the idea that if you didn’t earn the cool team jersey then you have NO right to wear it. Hell, some of these things look soooooo bad even the pros wouldn’t wear it if they didn’t have a fat check attached. The cartoon wear / wonder bread/ etc. are teh ghey, period. Apply this test to all jersey’s – would you paint your race car the same way if you had the bucks? No? Then why would you spaly it all over your body when you are already on shaky ground being 40 lbs. overweight wearing a camelback and puffing along at 14 mph after 6 miles on your new litespeed? Is there some contest no one has told me about?! Oh yeah, and my vintage wool Gios team jersey is the shit.
What about all of these women’s jerseys that have to scream out "I’m a chick!"? Good grief! It’s fairly easy to tell the women cyclists, so why plaster it all over our jerseys too?
I won’t wear a current team jersey unless I’m on the team, or at least have a good friend on the team. I don’t have a problem wearing "retro" jerseys from defunct teams, though.
Hey, enough with bashin others about jerseys, its really about what YOU like to wear thats functionally a jersey.And ladies, you know alot of the bikin chicks a girly girls, so there gonna want flowers or pastels if it isnt available! But if youre a gal and want to wear a unisex print, great.
Lets face it, cycling in general in USA is more about artsy people wanting to have fun and get fit, so you will find alot of girly prints on jerseys not intended for Euro studs battling it out on the dusty pave! And if I want to wear a cool lookin’ Euro Pro jersey cause I like the look, Then Fuck off Alex O and your disciples, even if Im 50 and have a BMO of 30% fat!
Hey, enough with bashin others about jerseys, its really about what YOU like to wear thats functionally a jersey.And ladies, you know alot of the bikin chicks a girly girls, so there gonna want flowers or pastels if it isnt available! But if youre a gal and want to wear a unisex print, great.
Lets face it, cycling in general in USA is more about artsy people wanting to have fun and get fit, so you will find alot of girly prints on jerseys not intended for Euro studs battling it out on the dusty pave! And if I want to wear a cool lookin’ Euro Pro jersey cause I like the look, Then Fuck off Alex O and your disciples, even if Im 50 and have a BMO of 30% fat!
Hey, enough with bashin others about jerseys, its really about what YOU like to wear thats functionally a jersey.And ladies, you know alot of the bikin chicks a girly girls, so there gonna want flowers or pastels if it isnt available! But if youre a gal and want to wear a unisex print, great.
Lets face it, cycling in general in USA is more about artsy people wanting to have fun and get fit, so you will find alot of girly prints on jerseys not intended for Euro studs battling it out on the dusty pave! And if I want to wear a cool lookin’ Euro Pro jersey cause I like the look, Then Fuck off Alex O and your disciples, even if Im 50 and have a BMO of 30% fat!
Chris Carmichael pays fat guys to NOT wear CTS jerseys. Doesn’t seem to be working.
Chris Carmichael pays fat guys to NOT wear CTS jerseys. Doesn’t seem to be working.
Hey, enough with bashin others about jerseys, its really about what YOU like to wear thats functionally a jersey.And ladies, you know alot of the bikin chicks a girly girls, so there gonna want flowers or pastels if it isnt available! But if youre a gal and want to wear a unisex print, great.
Lets face it, cycling in general in USA is more about artsy people wanting to have fun and get fit, so you will find alot of girly prints on jerseys not intended for Euro studs battling it out on the dusty pave! And if I want to wear a cool lookin’ Euro Pro jersey cause I like the look, Then Fuck off Alex O and your disciples, even if Im 50 and have a BMO of 30% fat!
Hey, enough with bashin others about jerseys, its really about what YOU like to wear thats functionally a jersey.And ladies, you know alot of the bikin chicks a girly girls, so there gonna want flowers or pastels if it isnt available! But if youre a gal and want to wear a unisex print, great.
Lets face it, cycling in general in USA is more about artsy people wanting to have fun and get fit, so you will find alot of girly prints on jerseys not intended for Euro studs battling it out on the dusty pave! And if I want to wear a cool lookin’ Euro Pro jersey cause I like the look, Then Fuck off Alex O and your disciples, even if Im 50 and have a BMO of 30% fat!
Hey, enough with bashin others about jerseys, its really about what YOU like to wear thats functionally a jersey.And ladies, you know alot of the bikin chicks a girly girls, so there gonna want flowers or pastels if it isnt available! But if youre a gal and want to wear a unisex print, great.
Lets face it, cycling in general in USA is more about artsy people wanting to have fun and get fit, so you will find alot of girly prints on jerseys not intended for Euro studs battling it out on the dusty pave! And if I want to wear a cool lookin’ Euro Pro jersey cause I like the look, Then Fuck off Alex O and your disciples, even if Im 50 and have a BMO of 30% fat!
What’s the story with the New Year’s ride? What time do people meet?
The New Year’s ride starts at 5am in central park.
To be honest, no one really cares Eugene.
Thats funny shit – thanks! I laughed so hard about the ear poke thing.
If you don’t care then don’t look or read the post. Spite and meanness is what no one really cares for.
Eugene, I think the music thoughts are very funny man. Keep up the good work and stay safe. Todd
I love the ‘to be honest’ preface. Like saying, ‘Normally I’m not a total dick, but I’m just being honest’. Keep posting, Eugene.
Good writing and good riding. Thanks for sharing.
To be honest, your a total douche bag
Thanks for taking the time to post. Pls keep ’em coming.
Enjoyable read…good luck and stay safe…
http://www.champ-sys.net/chinahai06viewpic.html
I wish i had time to read this, and the ability to comprehend it’s full meaning and spirit…but i don’t. I just want to see Amaurys get a stage win
I once got a message in Bangkok but it was a lot different than the one you described.
Why don’t you try Tokyo Lil at the end of the block. Ask for Passionflower Shirley, the Yokohama Butterfly.
Heres one for ya, in China you apparently don’t have to finish stage races, even when sponsors drop vast amounts of money to bring you over. What a waste.
The first time I visited China, my American roommmate was writing to his father, who liked firm beds: “Dad, you’d like the beds here – they’re stiff like boards. Actually, they are boards…”
average age of an american team racing in china is 30+. organizers somehow grant race entry despite dropping out early, being fat and old. oh wait, thats actually the same in america – i was thinking europe. my bad.
Will HugeBeans start a blog when he gets a real job?
When I was in Bali I got a haircut and the routine, minus the TV, was the same. The only difference is that I had two women working on me. They didn’t do such a great job with the cut, but I did feel nice and relaxed when I got out.
wait, I thought this was a stage race, not a happy ending tour of china.
The use of the word, “when”.