There are many people out there who are trying to inspire you. I am not one of them. In fact, since I compete directly against many of you in pretend bike races, I think I would prefer to un-inspire you. I hope to stand as an alternative to the inspirational quotes and black bordered gif images with mind blowing messages beneath them that clog your social media feeds. I am not here to tell you how special you are, or how you can achieve whatever you put your mind to. I am here to tell you that riding bikes is really hard, and that you should quit or maybe just ride a lot less than I do so I can be faster that you.

I’ve always felt that most people are really trying to inspire themselves when they post these quotes, we just happen to get caught in their good vibes crossfire. The messages posted seem to be primarily for self motivation, and we who happen to gaze upon these motivational morsels should consider ourselves lucky to be involved in their digital pep talk.

I on the other hand, am a petty person. I am inspired by spite, anger, fear and jealousy. These pathetic motivations are what get me out the door. I don’t simply want to be my best, I want my best to be better than your best. That means riding or training more than you. And inadvertently (or let’s be honest, via Strava) finding out that others may be riding or training more than me summons my Four Horseman of the Wrong Motivation Apocalypse to the fore. Hail spite! Huzzah anger! Praise fear! Another verb jealousy!

These motivations don’t make for social media appropriate gif material. It’s considered bad form to post images of Doge images that say "Andy got to ride for five hours today, I must now get out and CRUSH that jerk." No one wants to be labeled a de-motivator, but in my sad heart-of-pretend-bike-racer-heart, I don’t want anyone else to ride more than me. Because that means I have to ride more, and I have a lot of Bravo to watch.

So let me be blunt. Stop being so inspirational. It’s bumming me out. And if you are going away to straining camp, bite me, bite me very much.

Roman’s Beer Corner

This week I remembered to get a beer recommendation from Roman. This week’s selection is Founder’s Imperial Stout, which ships this week. Roman will surely be buying up a supply of this so he can unleash it upon unsuspecting guests later in the year.