The Season At-A-Glance

by Eli

After all, there are other aspects, righ

More than anything, this article is a test of sorts. To get a sense of the type of work this site will publish before I try and push the envelope. Before I begin to upset anyone, I’ll begin by introducing myself.

 

My name’s Eli Curt Fuld. I was named after my great-grandfather, a German vacated from his house by one of Hitler’s SS where he fled to America and eventually ended up in Florida with every single other aging Jew of those times. As his namesake, I’m living out the life as a free American that he only came to know during his later years in life. Freedom for me translates to the ability to pursue my own interests and pastimes (read: happiness). That includes, and is limited to, riding my bike.

 

If you’re here, you realize that. You also realize that the racing season begins in March (for some odd reason) when the blistering weather leaves racers no choice but to decorate themselves with layer upon layer of stylish menswear. In the dark, those of us who are foolish enough to begin this early slowly and sluggishly trudge from the relative warmth our beds and apartments offer us, out to the cold, unforgiving streets of Manhattan where we begin our catwalk. We race through the frigidity until slowly, the days lengthen. The sun warms the air and softens the asphalt. We get a little more fit. We get less flats. More of us come out to race. We may even smile. Perhaps we begin to do better. The season continues and we laugh, we wear speed suits, we crash, we spend all day on our bikes…until suddenly, something happens. The harbinger can come in many forms, such as a family gathering or a new face in our lives. But it always comes.

 

The off-season.

 

Reality smacks us in the face like our father used to (or possibly still does) when we knocked the coffee onto his paper because who’s fault is it that he left his coffee in front of the cookie jar?! We realize (and this is as much of a surprise to us each year as it was the year beforehand) that this lifestyle is just plain dumb. All of the life experiences foregone in favor of  hours upon hours in the saddle. All of the missed landmarks. All of the money poured into our downward spirals we call “lives”. All of the hours spent cleaning out road rash and crying over spilled derailleurs and bent hangers. All of it…for what?

 

For a while, after we’ve wised up, we walk around and try to enjoy the other aspects of life. After all, there are other aspects, right? What did we do before we constantly rode our bikes? There must have been a girl (or guy), somewhere, named something. Maybe Sue? Was that her name? And she (or he) liked something. Chinese food, was it?

And then we call her (or him). We pick up our old routine and it’s nice. It’s comfortable. For a while at least. A few weeks or a month. But then our legs begin to twitch. We become restless. We yearn for the endorphin rush that comes with the cheap thrill of a fast descent. Especially knowing the cops are somewhere out there on 9W with their radar guns and we can very well be the next ones to get the short end of the stick. Then, and only then, does the off-season truly begin.

 

We weren’t wrong when we spilled that coffee and we’re not wrong now, as the season comes to a close. We can’t be. Otherwise, we wouldn’t start this whole process again come next March. But we do. Which means we take the smack, reflect on it, and loyal to our creed, we steadfastly show up in our layers again next March.

 

But for now, for the off-season, let’s ride slow. Let’s enjoy the roads. Let’s fall in love with our bikes once more. Let’s learn a little about our bikes, our roads and ourselves.

 

This is my first attempt at reaching out. If there’s anyone out there receiving this, please return transmission.

70 Comments

oh, sweet sassy mollassey

Eli! With all due respect, this is not your diary! Andy, Dan! C’mon! I don’t want to read Eli’s thoughts! I know, I don’t have to, don’t click on it.

But, when you write, you open yourself up to criticism.

Eli, ask yourself this: how did I, the reader, benefit from reading this? What did I learn about you? That people race bikes in the summer in nyc? If you are on this site, you know that already. Write with purpose. What did you wish to convey to me (the reader) with this missive. If it was something about the desperation with which we pursue this hobby, you failed. This sounds completely neutral. Maybe I’ll ride, now I’ll stop, now I’ll start. Nothing jumping out and grabbing the reader. Also, do you know any good writers? Reach out to them. Much like racing, you can benefit from others knowledge and experience. You make all sorts of basic mistakes which hurt the overall tone of the piece.

You said this was a test to see what they would publish before “pushing” the boundaries? Screw that. Write what you want to write. What is the point of “this doesn’t mean anything to me, I’m just testing it.” Ok, well, I won’t click on any more of your tests, so now you have to alert me to ‘the real thing.’

You said to return transmission, be careful what you ask for.

epic ride bro

no one cares to read about someone still in the honeymoon stages of bike racing. This read is the equivalent of watching “epic” Rapha video’s..who gives a shit… News flash Eli….you can still ride your bike in the off season…

oh, sweet sassy mollassey

I love your writing, as do many people I know. You are an extremely talented writer. Conversational, witty, and incisive. A triple threat. And again, he asked for a response. You know it’s not very good.

oh, sweet sassy mollassey

I could have been much harsher. How is this “the season at a glance?”

But, again, why do any of us even care as this is a ‘test.’ I think that’s the part that pisses me off the most. Next time you think about attacking in a race, Eli, approach it with that mentality and see how it works out for ya

Lilian Brifter

“Epic ride bro” comment – nail on the head.

That said, go ahead and spill your guts for us. It’s entertaining. One pointer: I learned in school that when you use “we” and “us” all the time in your writing, you are forgetting that your readers don’t necessarily want to be lumped in with you (I would say that this is especially true in the case of a dorky cat3’s extremely excited ramblings) and as a result, your audience is looking for the first opportunity to disagree with you. And once that happens, god help you if there is a comment section.

Flatty flatser

How about doing a write up on pooping before a race. Somehow I always have to poop before a PP race but never before a CP race. At least one can close the door at the PP park’s restroom..

schmalz

My morning race routine is the law of twos. Wake up two hours before the start, have two cups of coffee and double “deuce”, so to speak.

Tristan Pulley

No, it’s bad on every single level. Eli your lack of self awareness is funny when you write about your cat 4 training series in Rockleigh. There are a lot of highlights there as you read the race so poorly, call cat 4s pros, and take yourself sooo seriously. You did well despite yourself because you are a cat 4, and it’s a Thursday night during a work week. Did you not read the shit Gavi got? He is a horrible pro or x-pro, but a good cat 1. You act like you are a cat 1. I would be ashamed to tell people I did not want to go for a walk because I have to put my legs up to rest for a race. Your not in the Tour. I do love your enthusiasm, and like I said before, I enjoy your race recaps because they are so bad they are good. But this poetic shit you are trying to paint isn’t worthy of being in a 10 year old girl’s diary.

smarty pants

Hahaha Eli at it again.

(you are joking, right? I really hope you are just trolling here The alternative is really too sad…)

Jonah

Eli, your racing blogs are fun to read, but this was the worst article I’ve ever seen on this site. Also please stop posting so much on FB that the only posts I see on my wall are yours.

L’shanah tovah ×—Ö·×’ שָׂמֵחַ

Milan Helmet

Stick to selling and buying used underwear and trisuits on slowtwitch. Don’t bring your uninformed and uninspiring blather to this site.
Crash out any field sprints lately?

Giacomo Lint

The article is the most pointless thing I have ever come across, but that’s beside the point. If it generates a comment section as hilarious as this one, I commend your work. Bravo!

Alessandro Steerer

PP but not CP! That is true!? Also, why do I almost “just make it” to the pot before my colon fires a Roman candle of shit?
Just like any form of physical hardship! It is all psychological. And that is my Winter Training!!! Yes! Yes! Yes! I will only shit once a week. For the rest of the time, I will have my Bernard Hinault race face on.

See you in March and I will be winning!!!

Simon Dry Lube

asdfaqwoesdffsssssssssssssssda-8y9999999999345t2h11111111111kjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjafsdddddddddddddd

oh sorry, this column is so boring i fell asleep on my keyboard.

oh, sweet sassy mollassey

But for now, for the off-season, let’s ride slow. Let’s enjoy the roads. Let’s fall in love with our bikes once more. Let’s learn a little about our bikes, our roads and ourselves.

That’s just awful. Terrible and unoriginal. Awful. And a little sickening. At least throw in ‘let’s let the hair below our knees continue to grow….”

oh, sweet sassy mollassey

you didn’t learn about your bike and your roads while you were doing all that training and racing? What don’t you know? How slow are you going to go? You think those 3 mph slower will really enlighten you? I’d guess not. Just hollow words that you think sound like something you should say

Henry Francisco

Creo que Eli, con todo el respeto que me merece , tiene una falta de atencion enorme. No se que edad tiene o de donde viene este muchacho, pero le gusta ser el centro de atencion en todos lados, ojala pueda aprender que ser el centro de atencion no es siempre bueno(casi nunca) y que la gente con talento brilla por luz propia sin la obvia necesidad de querer ser siempre el mas importante o el mas interesante. aca les dejo con mi mensaje en espanol, para poder poner un poco de sazon a la pagina que se torno aburrida. Eli deberia leer cosas interesantes y tener una vida interesante, entonces todos queremos sabes quien es y que hace.

Orgullozo de hablar espanol e ingles con acento.

Abrazos a todos

Ilias Lube

Eli,
Don’t worry about these comments too much.
Many of us were there at one point – More seriously one took this sport, it is likely that one felt that way at one point or another.

It’s ok to feel this way, unfortunately many folks who read and post on this sight have long passed that rather self reflecting sentimental stage – though some are still Cat 3 and 4s.

It is funny though. Don’t get discouraged. You, like many others, spend a lot of time, effort and $, of course you should take it seriously.

Martin Lube

You did this Alex, Andy and Dan – proud of yourselves? The tone, the tenor and timber of these comments are the fungus you allow to grow up the sides of your site – and they are a reflection on you.

Eli, What are you nineteen? Twenty? Do yourself a favor. Do take some time off in the off-season.

Catch up with your friends late on a Friday and Saturday night. Spend some folding money on a couple of girls and ride slow on some new routes that go through the woods. Remember what it was like to sleep in late on Saturdays, and lose yourself in a book for the afternoon. Take a walk around your city instead of a ride, write some more, and ponder a bit about what might be next. Although I’ve raced with you and I don’t know you personally that well, you seem like one of the youngest old souls we know. It’s pretty cool to see you feeling your way through it.

But do yourself another favor. Don’t spend too much time reading these comments.

Sam Chamois

“I blink once. Twice. It’s still dark out. I rub my eyes and yawn, swinging my tired legs over the side of the bed where they grope for leather sandals. In the dark. At last they find them as I make my way to the washroom down the hall to handle my business. I grab my bibs on the way, along with my heart rate monitor, a jersey, socks and some chamois cream. The bibs reach the same place every time – razor sharp lines are etched into my heavily defined legs to indicate as much. The chamois cream is becoming less and less effective as I spend increasing amounts of time searching for an affordable pair of adequately-padded bibs. The jersey doesn’t zip all the way – the muscles in my neck gained during close to 10 years of wrestling cling like a newborn koala. I finish getting dressed and affix the remaining accoutrements – sunglasses, a cap, a helmet, some carbon-soled obnoxiously-loud shoes. I grab The Black Widow by the saddle and guide her through the door as the world begins to radiate pink. I raise my hands above my head and arch my back. The road is my burrito.”

...

This is interesting in that it demonstrates all the misconceptions of the sport usually held by lower cat guys. Things like the off season is for eating bon-bons and going slow. Rather than training hard and improving limiters. The idea that everyone in the higher cats must have giant life imbalances and can’t wait until the season ends. Never mind that many of the best guys in the region are guys with jobs and families, and their successes are based on knowing how to train and rest and balance it all.

John Loehner runs a hospital for christ’s sake.

Bridging the Gap

Does anybody know how to get free internet access to live coverage. I can’t stand this Tour Tracker App.

Henry Francisco

I got arrested, by I did not hit anybody, I got my case dismissed in court and USACYLING, if you send me an email I can get you the documents and details of the case, very interesting what happened to me. gustavo@montecci.com By the way that was 2.5 years ago.

Jasper Liner

Somehow the pre Prospect Park joe does not do it for me. It is happenin until I see our nations best candidate tour de france racers lining up for countless laps of wheelsucking. Once I left that dump of a restroom shack behind me I am double relieved.

Some Racin' Dude

There is NOTHING wrong with slapping the shit out of someone, no explanation needed. Most of these posters (posers) need the shit slapped out of them. Bunch of fucking bitches..!

Matteo Dry Lube

eli,
ive been racing for 8 years. i used to get the occasional top 10 as a cat4 but as a 3 im pack fill. but i still do it year after year, Why? because i’m not so obsessive that it drags down my career, my family etc, and its still fun. but over those years ive seen lots of guys like you burn out and quit. Unless someone is paying you, its not healthy or wise to obsess like you apparently do. and unless you are a completely disfunctional person you wont last more than another season or two. why dont you pack it in after Mengoni? start racing in April? do one less race a week?

ps i like what henry wrote. worth google translating if you cant read spanish.

9

I think Eli, with all the respect I have, has a huge inattention. No old is or where it comes from this guy, but he likes to be the center of attention everywhere, hopefully I can learn to be the center of attention is not always good (almost never) and that people with talent shines light own without the obvious need to want to always be the most important or the most interesting. Here I give you my message in Spanish, to put some seasoning to the page that is boring around. Eli should read interesting things and have an interesting life, then all want to know who he is and he does.

Orgullozo to speak Spanish and English with an accent.

Hugs to all

Sam Stiff

My belief is that Eli’s obsessiveness is a schtick – just like his excitement about touching the higher cat racers.

Francesco Rim

He’s saying that Eli is just trolling here. Whether he is or he isn’t, we is developing quite a rep for himself.

Sofiane Cage

get ready for the 70s/80s to be back with a vengeance come summer 2014.

I’m not fan of bloomberg’s autocratic ways but growing up in the 80s/90s and seeing how the city is now is a mind blowing, albeit temporary, state of affairs.

right eli?

Antoine Bartape

eli and other young folk don’t remember the days of harlem hill being the occasional focal point of cyclist target practice or old school ass kicking.

an entire generation is used to being able to safely stare down at their powermeter while going up that little hill.

ahhh, youth!

Quarqy Thatcher

A guy in Florida got banned. Interesting thing was his test was way back in June. Seems the time from testing to announcing can be quite a while.

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