There’s nothing quite like a rest day at the Tour to produce plenty of turmoil and tempests for teacups. First up, Alexandr Kolobnev suspends himself to keep the Tour rolling along in "serenity", as there was hydrochlorothiazide (HCT) in his system, which is a very "un-serene" masking-type substance. HCT (which makes me check twice every time I type to make sure I don’t type "HTC") is banned but it’s also a "specified substance" which means that there’s a chance it could’ve been ingested through no fault of the rider. I anticipate there will be an explanation forthcoming that will be fishier than Brett Michael’s bandanna (we know you’re bald Brett), and I only hope they can come up with something as interesting as "tainted beef".

In other news, Johnny Hoogerland is a mother animal. Thirty stitches from his impromptu barbed wire interpretive dance on Sunday, and he went for a rest day ride, with plans to start today. Suck it football!

And speaking of football, Michael Smith of ESPN managed to look like a jackass when he tweeted about "laughing about the Tour de France crash". Out of context that sounds pretty bad, but he did type about how he "couldn’t get over the driver speeding off as if he didn’t know he hit someone!" So maybe he was amused by the driver driving away cluelessly? Or perhaps he’s just an imbecile who’s tickled by watching bodies fly—does he has Jack Tatum’s paralyzing hit on Darryl Stingley playing on a loop in his house? Because, that’s some funny stuff also? The lesson once again, maybe guys who follow sports consisting of guys in tights chasing balls shouldn’t talk too much about cycling. So, Michael, the answer to your question about being wrong for laughing at the Tour de France crash is "Yes, you are a dick."

Also involved in the crash that amused Michael Smith was Juan Antonio Flecha, who said the car rocketed off without an apology or even an acknowledgement of wrongdoing. Flecha also spoke of Voeckler’s acceleration after the crash (from cyclingnews):

“I see that as normal behavior for Voeckler, because he’s always like that in breaks, causing trouble. Just before that, Casar, one of the others in the break, had had a go at him because Voeckler had attacked on a descent after attempting to win the mountains points instead of waiting for those of us who weren’t fighting for them. He was completely focused on the yellow jersey. We all know what he’s like, seeing him act in any other way would have surprised me.”

And finally, Tour roomies Fabian Cancellara and Stuart O’Grady had a nice rest day, Fabian tweeted the following:

I cooket the lunch. Dif.salads. Made a curry soupe with coconutflavour…with rice and chicken. Suprise was quiche lorraine for @StueyOG

It’s nice to see that there is a little good news coming from the rest day, and that Fabian and Stuey’s Tour-based "domestic partnership" is still going strong.

Today’s stage is a rolling one that will probably end in a sprint. There’s a chance for breakaway’s but Voeckler’s in yellow, and Hoogerland’s in stitches, so it’s a toss up as to who will take up the charge.

I tried to tune in to NBC’s site to watch an un-spoiled stage, but the winner was announce RIGHT ON the landing page, goddammit! NBC, if you are offering tape delay of each day’s stage the etiquette is to NOT announce the winner on the page until the next day. Some of us still like a little surprise in our lives.

I load the video and reluctantly begin to comment, as I like to do things "as live".

80k to go, and there’s six guys away who have no hope—I already know this though because NBC can suck it!!!

OK, it’s straight to 20k to go, I’m not even going to scan for whizz breaks—I’m that peeved!

I’m at 22k to go now, let’s see how this turned out. The break still has 45 second’s worth of delusion.

I assume HTC is chasing, because, um you know—Cav.

I haven’t seen any Hoogie footage yet, is he bleeding his way across France?

I suppose that today’s stage is a good stage to have spoiled, a Greipel win (spoiler alert) is like getting socks for Christmas.

17k to go, and I’d be making a joke about Lotto working for Greipel to finish 5th. Damn you NBC!

Gadret getting dropped on the climb, Roche radios back to taunt him.

So P&P are saying Lotto is working for Gilbert to get rid of the sprinters—that’s dead wrong, of course. But I’m typing with foreknowledge.

Gilbert at the front now on the climb, damn he’s an animal!

15k to go, there’s the Gilbert attack, he knows to get separation. Voeckler with Gilbert.

Voeckler gives a comically over-emphatic elbow. If what Flecha said is correct, no one will trust his flapping arm.

11k to go, Gilbert’s move is saving Lotto’s riders for a lead out.

Let’s see who brings Gilbert back, HTC is working, as is Leopard and Garvelo.

The gap is 15 seconds, Voeckler’s whiney hand movements are hilarious. It’s like he thinks Gilbert doesn’t know how to win. This is a very demonstrative break.

Jens at the front, making middle aged men’s flutter. Look for a tweet about this later? I am SORELY disappointed at Jen’s command of English on Twitter.

7k to go, Gilbert alone on the front now. Swoon.

Gilbert checks his earpiece, does he hear Greipel weeping in there?

5k to go, Gilbert has 12 seconds, how did he get caught?

Ah, there’s a little climb, Gilbert is caught, he was looking to have a gap at the top and descend to the finish. A good plan, and it would’ve worked if it hadn’t been for Jens and those damn kids.

3k to go, two more guys make a desperate jump.

Phil just said that HTC have a "missile up the chute." Boy, he has a potty mouth!

There’s two sharp turns at the end, chances are that the team in the front for those turns will win. Let’s see.

Ryder does a "WTF dude?" jump. That’s very unSMASH.

Here comes the last K, let’s see how HTC screws this up.

Tony Martin swings off, Lotto at the front for the first turn. Advantage Lotto. Greipel is on Cav’s wheel and the front of the race is lined out. I’d say advantage Lotto again, but drafting Cav is like drafting a squatting Corgi.

Liquigas on the front, Cav second, then Greipel. There’s the turn, Cav goes, Greipel follows. Nine times out of ten, this would go to Cav.

They drag it out to the end and Greipel wins! Wow! Greipel unzips his jersey to show he has man-scaped "suck it Cav" into his chest pelt.