After yesterday’s un-race for the GC and Tejay’s swipe at a stage win, we tune in for today’s "race to the rest". I would expect an opportunistic breakaway today, and maybe a GC shake up, as guys will race with abandon before the rest day (that’s when the Spanish beef arrives). I will be SHOCKED if Voeckler doesn’t try everything short of a stabbing to get away.

We tune in to see Alberto falling AGAIN. Saxo rejoices as they get to drag Bert up to the race yet again. Phil mistakes a bald Saxo mechanic for Bjarne, he also calls Paul John Tesh.

No one seems to be pacing Contador—there they are. Bert gets back and stops for a spare bike. He’s followed the Tour more than the French "hotel hospitality ladies".

115k to go, and Voeckler is there in the break. Go Tommy! Hoogerland and Flecha are there also, delightful!

They show a greatest hits reel of Alberto’s crashes, it takes twenty minutes, but it gave them an opportunity to use a Tesh original, named "Scabby ass", it’s a rare b-side.

110k to go, the gap is 3:04, I must say I love the composition of this break. It could use a little Salvatore Commesso, but he’s recently chewed himself out of racing.

OK, time to use the magic of DVR to scan ahead, looking for crashes. 

108k to go, Voeckler pips Hoogerland for the mountain points. Tommy wants lobster tonight!

Chav is dropping off the back, which sucks. Tesh just emailed a MP3 of "Hey, cheer up you’re still French and can fornicate" to the Quick Step bus.

100k to go, Hoogie has a slip on the descent, Voeckler dropping like a lead croissant.

Wow, Hoogie has lost some time.

98k to go, a crash and there are guys off the road and Astana is rappelling into the woods to get their guys back, yikes! Zabriskie is down also. Dammit! Is there going to be anyone likable left in this Tour? VDV better order a kit made of bubble wrap.

96k to go, Voeckler riding like a man possessed, Hoogerland riding like a man repossessed.

Phil just said Vino is out of the woods and out of the Tour.

94k to go, VDB2 is out of the race also. Fabian, Gilbert and Thor SMASH at the front calling for a slow down and more scarves for the jersey holders. This really bodes well for the break.

So far gravity is the toughest rival in this Tour.

Leopard, Thor SMASH and Gilbert policing the slow down, Kloden about to rejoin. This could put Voeckler in yellow. The next mountain sprint sees Hoogerland winning over Voeckler, denying him the "turf" to his "surf".

86k to go, and the race begins again. Hoogerland gets a flat and, of course, he needs help adjusting his brakes because one cannot be expected to open the little lever back there by himself, the team car conveniently takes him back to the break.

82k to go, and the "sprinter’s split" has appeared in the race.

77k to go, France is rewarded with the delightful sight of Voeckler whipping out to spray "Tommy juice" along the road. Thank you bikes.

68k to go, Voeckler giving Hoogerland the mountain points, his desserts for the week.

Time to zip ahead and scan for crashes and perhaps another Voeckler soaking, fingers crossed.

59k to go, Voeckler has a flat, Jens tells Andy if he asks "Are we there yet?" once more, he’s pulling Fabian over and taking the race home.

Just realized that neither Cadel nor Frank Schleck have been involved in any serious incidents—how the hell did that happen?

34k to go, what the HELL French TV? They just ran right into Flecha?! Dear God! Hoogie just did a barbed wire cartwheel also. This Tour is completely bonkers! I think it’s time for caravan DUI stops. At every intermediate sprint.

Hey how about a tow for Hoogie? Or are they just going to watch him bleed and pedal?

Wow, TV France boned Flecha and Hoogerland.

27k to go, the pack catches Hoogerland, damn that’s sad.

22k to go, the break is at 3:40. They re-show Contador’s crash—did Karpets shoulder him into the crowd? Did Berto diss Dokken? The footage might be a bit misleading, as Karpets was probably reacting to a tire rubbing his back wheel—but Karpets knocking over Alberto is more entertaining so I may just choose to believe that.

16k to go, Garvelo chasing to make Thor’s SMASH life hell for another day.

We have two more hills of Voeckler face left. He’s going to fly down this hill.

I wonder why French TV hates Hoogie? Did he have a wardrobe malfunction in the post-race interview? That whole sequence was so preposterous, there were only five guys in the break they had to pass! Who was in the car? What was their rush? Is there anyone important enough in France to warrant that kind of insane driving? Were they late for a surrendering somewhere?

Gilbert flats and is chasing back on, he nudges a TV car into a ravine and says, "That’s for Hoogie."

Danielson is at the front, making me miss Zabriskie.

The way this stage is going, I fully expect one of the caravan float characters to get hit by lightning, become sentient and begin tossing riders into ravines. Note to Hoogie, avoid the Michelin float.

5k to go, the race for the win is going to get interesting, will Voeckler get the stage? Will he just work for yellow? Will Hoogerland punch every cameraman he sees?

"He has the longest tongue in the business," is that quote from Phil Liggett or Dirk Diggler?

3k to go, here comes the last climb. I could see Voeckler winning today, he’s been an assassin this year.

1k to go, Voeckler leading at the front.

He gets behind Sanchez and Casar, but he’s cooked.

LL Sanchez crosses the line, sucks his thumb and wins the stage.

Everyone in the field masses at the front, of course Gilbert takes the field sprint—he’s Gilbert.

Tony Martin nails some moron with a camera phone on the lead up to the finish. Cameras in France have screwed more guys this year than cameras in champagne rooms could ever hope to.

Thor SMASH turns in his yellow jersey, they will have to throw that in the dryer about 15 times before it fits Voeckler.

Hoogerland finishes 16:44 later, and if you aren’t a fan of Johnny Hoogerland today, I despair for the vast wasteland that is your black soul.