On cannot ride on water and mightiness alone, and as I age, I find that I have to pay more attention to my nutritional needs, lest I become an empty husk of veiny gristle. Succinctly put, I take vitamins and supplements, nothing nefarious – as I imagine those things cost a lot of money and require meeting hoodlums in back alleys (I detest non-thoroughfares) – just over the counter products that I am assured by their makers are both safe and legal for use in cycling events and other athletic pursuits such as drifter tossing or horse shaving. Buying supplements is an act of faith, many times all you have is an assurance from the manufacturer that their products are, indeed safe and legal. These assurances are usually testimonials or possibly a nifty jpeg on their website that states in no uncertain terms that their wares are, indeed, "totally safe" and "will not promote the growth of goiters or any other socially icky pustules". It can seem like a crap shoot sometimes, I can only imagine what it must be like for professionals athletes, whose livelihood depends upon not taking something that will make their urine glow with guiltiness and shame.

But potential ignominy and infamy aside, it’s also hard to gauge just how effective many supplements actually are. Almost every product has a study to (conveniently) back up the claims that taking it will not only boost athletic performance, it will also provide you with additional charisma, stronger teeth and a shiny coat. These muddled claims makes it very hard to choose which product to use. In cases like these I opt for my time-tested method for making cycling related decisions, I ask myself "What would the pros use?"; and then I decide that, in this instance, that may not be a very good idea. I can be swayed by the experiences of select individuals though. I use the "natural blood builder" EP-NO, as it has the Slipstream logo on its site, and it has an ironic name. These two facts are enough to assure me that it is, in fact, mostly non-toxic and will not cause any of my glands to rise up and riot against me. I also have found it be seemingly effective. I say seemingly – I "seem" to get a bit more wattage when I use it – as I may be trying to justify the cost of the product to myself, and I could be creating a placebo effect by looking at the results through EP-NO colored glasses, but a placebo effect is an effect nonetheless. I just wish it didn’t cost $25 a month, as that’s pretty pricey for a placebo.

Another potential placebo supplement I use is "Acid Zapper", which sounds like a nickname for Jerry Garcia’s tongue, but is actually a supplement that claims to reduce "athletic acid". I tend to be a very acidic person, not only can I melt small dogs by spitting at them, I also produce a surplus of stomach acid, which requires medication to keep my esophagus from turning into a scorched meat chimney. I’m not sure if there’s a correlation between my tummy acid and the athletic acid they speak of, but I’m willing to convince myself there is. Plus there’s this telling quote from Bicycling magazine (I subscribe, get over it) from none other than Joe Friel, patron saint of books that tell you to do awful things to yourself:

Because of age-related kidney changes, our blood becomes more acidic and we excrete nitrogen, an essential component of muscle protein, faster than we take it in, Friel says. "Essentially we end up peeing away our muscles," he says. And with a net loss of nitrogen, you can’t form new muscle.

That’s right, we older folks are peeing away our muscles! Can you imagine! Athletic mightiness, draining right down the toilet! Friel then goes on to explain that you can neutralize your blood’s acidity by eating certain foods or using a supplement like Acid Zapper. Being a lazy person, I opted to try the Acid Zapper. I think it works, again, I have no blood test to verify an acidity increase or decrease, I can only go by feel and the desire to not feel like an idiot for buying this stuff. I have noticed one thing though, the Acid Zapper seems to help diminish the severity of hangovers, and trust me, I’ve done some testing here.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Bicycle Fun Fact (BFF) of the Day
1936 In an attempt to increase sales among virile young men, Ignaz Schwinn hires bawdy actress Mae West as a publicity stunt. She only works for Schwinn for a day as her welding skills were found to be substandard.

Due to a moderate to severe cold, it’s been a week since I’ve ridden my bike. I wouldn’t say that I’ve completely recovered from my illness (I still have a lingering, yet sonorous cough), but I’ve lost my patience and I’m now going to treat my respiratory distress like I treat any back pains I encounter. Which is to say – I will ignore it. In fact, I will go a step further and attempt to actually justify riding my bike with a cough by saying that the exercise will get my blood moving and therefore loosening any congestion or disgusting nasal clogging, this is, of course, pure conjecture on my part. Anyone worth their salt knows that only Jai Alai is known to dislodge mucous. I’m just antsy. I need to get out, because without riding my bike every day, I tend to spend all day "up in my own head" – I work at home by myself. And this situation really requires many mini-vacations to stave off impending madness. To put it another way, I need a break from myself and my own mind almost every day. I find myself that annoying – I shudder to think how annoying other people find me.

So today was a light spin to bring about the familiar, comfortable feeling that I get from exerting myself physically. Sometimes I have a specific goal or reason for my workouts, but today I rode just to get tired. For the past week, the only things I have done athletically were the following: wearing compression socks and trying to not eat at an Ullrich-ian pace. I succeeded in wearing the socks, as that only requires some toe wriggling and yanking, and surprisingly, I was able to lose weight while convalescing. Once again proving that I am in no way a match for Mr Ullrich.

I also had a Reflective Tape Helmet Guy sighting today on the bike path, which is always reassuring, no sign of the MILF Hunter, as I suspect he is not as hearty as RTHG.

Wednesday, November 10, 2009

BFF of the day
1932 "Spokey" the sideline stationary bicycle and mascot for the Endive College football team is stolen in a college prank by students from arch rival Chicory University on the eve of their annual game, known as the "salad bowl". The bicycle is later returned in exchange for the remains of four underclassmen.

Today my weight is back up over the Marmot Line™, it appears that whenever I engage in some form of exercise, that my body weight increases. I’m sure there’s some sort of physiological explanation that involves the retention of fluids or maybe mysterious mitochondrial activity, but I’d like to think that it’s my mightiness that adds weight.

I’m still feeling a bit clogged with mucous, but I’m going with the rule of thumb I remember reading in a Joe (don’t call him Joel) Friel book, which states that you can ride without intensity if the illness is above the neck, but don’t ride if the illness has spread below the neck, into the chest and other nether regions. This "above or below the neck" rule has done me pretty well, but I always seem to confuse it with another neck rule that has nothing to do with illness, the "check the neck" rule, unless discovering fellows dressed as ladies has anything to do with resumption of interval training. I will wait until there’s a definitive case study before finding a correlation.

Thursday, November 11, 2009

BFF of the day
1954 The Schwinn Bicycle Company introduces their Paper Boy Special model, which features a large front basket for papers, heavy tubing for carrying large loads, and a detachable top tube that served as a club for dealing with deadbeat subscribers.

As I’ve mentioned before, I do not ride outside in the rain, and since my indoor workout scheduled is determined by the weather; I’ve come to the conclusion that I am coached by God. Today my coach was messing with me, as there were clouds overhead, but the roads were dry. I took a chance and outfitted myself appropriately for a chilly, dry ride, but as I stepped outside the door of my house, a light sprinkle began meekly dropping from the sky. What was my coach trying to tell me? Should I go inside and hop around in my basement? Should I toughen myself up with a wet ride? Should I look up some schematics for ark building on the internet?

I decided to split the difference today and do a ride outdoors of an indoor duration. There was a light rain, which made things a slight shade of wretched, but the short duration helped to speed things along. Perhaps I can do more things that bring the inside "out", maybe I can start showering outside or begin to void my personal offal fruit in the yard – the way my coach intended.