As a bike racer, I am constantly experimenting on myself. I try different types of workouts, intervals and all manners of flagellation to squeeze more speed out of my "meat engine". I’ve convinced myself that these experiments will help me as a racer – and to be honest it also helps to fend off the monotony of training. I will try almost anything, except of course, PEDs – as they are banned, unhealthy and probably very expensive – I am nothing if not thrifty. But if there’s a new interval program that calls for uphill climbs at a one rev per minute pace followed by 10 seconds of punching myself in the face, I will try it; even though I know the conventional wisdom towards face punching recommends longer durations of self-pummeling in order for you to get the maximum effect from the interval. Plus, punching yourself in the face beats riding with Andy Shen any day.

Part of my self experimentation process is buying and trying out different tricks and contraptions which I convince myself will make me faster, or at least keep me from getting slower – which is a legitimate goal at this point in my life. These products may or may not be effective, but part of the fun for me is to try things and evaluate them, and then ebay the parts that don’t work.

I have finally caved in and purchased a set of compression socks. After months of peer pressure (actually, it’s been months of seeing geeky bike types on the internet wearing the sock in all situations, like at trade shows, family funeral and during interviews at the "back of the bus"), I gave in to temptation and got a pair of DeFeet DeCompressor socks. I will state as a disclaimer that I was not compensated by DeFeet in any way – as no one is interested in sending me anything whatsoever. I bought my DeCompressors myself. And on a completely unrelated note, I will state that I have adored every product I have bought from DeFeet, and I would not mind at all if they decided to send me as many products as humanly possible. I just needed to get that off my chest.

DeFeet claims that the DeCompressor socks will improve return circulation, relieve leg fatigue and prevent cramping of the calves, ankles and feet. They contend the socks keep fluids from pooling (they are not specific about which fluids do the pooling, but I am certain that whatever fluids they are – they are disgusting – as they are contained in my body) in the legs, and claim that many athletes wear them during competition, before returning back to their locker rooms to relentless heckling from their teammates. They are basically knee socks after all.

But heckling and pooling fluids aside, I find the socks to give me a very pleasant secure sensation while wearing them. They are tight (as they mean to "compress" your revolting fluids upward) about the calves and the pressure lessens on the lower portions of the leg. I have issues with heel pain. When I am training heavily, my heels sometimes feel like taut, overstretched bands of gristle. But when I wear these socks, the gristle sensation lessens – and all I have to do is sit around with knee socks on! What a jackpot! It’s like finding out I can suddenly defecate gold! Plus, I get the smug feeling that I am contributing to my mightiness as I go about my everyday activities, so in a way, my defecating has actually become training.

I have other parts of my body that could use the sweet relief that the compression socks bring to my lower legs, so needless to say, I am eagerly awaiting the DeFeet compression body suit – who knew that squeezing my calves would get such a reaction?

Friday, October 23, 2009

Bicycle Fun Fact (BFF) of the Day
July 16, 1974 Local daredevil-in-training Jimmy Givens, caught in the mania leading up to Evel Kneivel’s attempt at jumping the Snake River Canyon, tries to jump over his younger brother and 4 milk cartons on his Schwinn Orange Krate. He is unsuccessful in his attempt, injuring his brother and losing his allowance for four weeks. Later Knievel would go on to blame his failure at the Snake River Canyon on Jimmy’s unsuccessful jump.

Today was another chilly Friday, which meant another opportunity for riding slowly uphill. I did my slow vertical ascents 4 times up my local hill. I think my cranking might have been a bit strenuous, as I feel a bit of a twinge in my back now. I will treat this back twinge as I treat all of my back twinges – I will ignore it. I can usually wait out any back pains I get, and I plan on sitting through this one also. It’s a plan that has worked every time so far, so I will not mess with a successful system.

BFF of the Day
1950 – Parsippany, NJ becomes the first city to add bicycle lanes to their streets, but the lanes prove unpopular as they all lead to areas within Parsippany.

Today I got up early to ride and was hoping to find my way to the Westwood Cross race that was happening very close to my home I left the house at about 7:30 or so, but I was unsuccessful in my attempt, as I forgot exactly where the race was happening. I managed to toodle around the wilds of Northern New Jersey, but I was taking it easy so as to not aggravate my twinge. I find that if you have a twinge, it’s best to not provoke it, as that will only validate its existence – and as I stated above, I am actively ignoring my twinge. And since I woke up with a porcupine in my bathroom, there will be no beer with football today. Damn you, you spiky backed beast!

BFF of the Day
In Turkmenistan, all important cultural artifacts are transported by bicycle. In a survey of archaeologists, 96% agree that Turkmenistan has the crappiest cultural artifacts in the world.

Today was one of those crisp fall days that make living on the East Coast delightful. Tropical climates may have permanent temperate weather, but to me nothing can compare to a warm, sunny autumn day in the North East. I went out for an easy ride today to mix things up and to let my twitch recover fully – even though I still refuse to acknowledge it. Today was an eventful day on the old Saddle River Bike Path, with appearances by two regulars, the Goose Feeder and Reflective Helmet Guy, the MILF Hunter was no where to be found, which is unlike him; as sunny days bring out the ladies and the MILF Hunter does love the ladies.

I also found a cell phone in the road today, I stopped and picked it up, and was able to later arrange to have it returned to its owner. Hopefully this will correct my supposedly bad karma, but a black cat did later cross my path on the bike trail. Maybe the two events have cancelled each other out, and I will be back at my original karmic state – which is spiteful with an outer crust of irritability.

BFF of the Day
1898 Ignaz Schwinn develops a special ladies’ bicycle that is an 8 foot hoop skirt on wheels.

The weather today called for rain early with a chance of despondency later in the afternoon, so I took the opportunity to toil in my basement. I think that this winter I will allow the weather to decide when I work out with weights indoors and when I ride outdoors – that’s right, my workouts are planned by God! Who’s your coach? Can he flood the whole earth and have Noah build him a kick ass boat? No? I didn’t think so.

Today I did a tabata set of lunges with a mighty 25 pounds in each hand. I did a schmalzbata set of pogos, and then I rode rollers for 45 minutes, which was made bearable by watching the Wolverine movie. I will admit it right now, I adore super hero movies. This, of course, means I have the emotional maturity of a 13 year old. But I do love watching people running away from dramatic explosions. I can’t help it.

BFF of the Day
1861 Bicycles replace the famous Pony Express Ponies for mail delivery services. The Pony Express Ponies are slaughtered and then fed to more useful horses despite protests from spoiled little girls from around the world.

The weather was drizzly with intermittent periods of pessimism. It seems the Almighty once again wanted me to train in my basement today. I’m not sure if it’s a punishment or a sign of some larger subterranean purpose. Perhaps I’m meant to be king of the mole people? I did one-legged drills to try and appease the almighty Jens.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

BFF of the Day
1968 Stemming from a bet in the men’s washroom at Schwinn headquarters, the world’s most dangerous bicycle is made at the Schwinn factory. It is made with a nitroglycerin frame, with anthrax handlebars and a razor blade seat. It was immediately sealed in a lead travel case and flown to a remote location, where it exists until this day.

My one-legged pedaling yesterday must’ve pleased the Mighty Jens, as today was a sunny, pleasant day, But there were treacherous wet leaves all around, so maybe Jens meant for me to hit the dirt during my ride. I rode the local bike path to avoid the wrath of Jens. I hoped for a sighting of one of the Saddle River Bike Path Regulars, but none were about, perhaps they sensed I might have angered Jens, and were hoping to avoid lightning bolts.